Just Engaged and Proposals

Just Say 'Yay!': How to Respond to a Friend's Engagement


When I first got engaged, almost everyone was ecstatic. I made phone calls to my parents, my brother, my future sister-in-laws and all of my best friends. I got the gamut of excitement from shock and countless questioning to shouts and tears of joy.  I was on the phone for hours, so long that I considered turning it off and letting the rest of the list find out through the grapevine so my fiancé and I could actually celebrate on our own. It was nice though, to hear their happiness. When I first got engaged, almost everyone was ecstatic. Almost everyone.

There were two calls that didn’t go quite the same as the rest. Two extremely single friends who had both experienced extremely hostile heartbreaks in the past and were less than happy to hear my good news. They were cordial about it, of course, congratulating and asking how it happened. Yet, I could hear the judgmental surprise from one, and the quiet reservation from the other. I worried about what this would do to our friendships, and suddenly, instead of excitement, all I felt was guilt.

Finding out a friend is getting married can be hard to process. Maybe you wish it were you sporting that diamond solitaire. Maybe you’re afraid you’ll lose her to the world of townhomes and babies. Maybe you even think it’s a bad idea and she’s choosing the wrong guy. But no matter how it makes you feel, in the moment that she says, “I’m engaged” and flashes you the ring, all this should take a back seat to your support and excitement for her.

Yes, this is easier said than done, but do you really want to be the one responsible for taking away her happiness? Chances are if she’s really your friend, you don’t. So what can you do? Well, for starters, begin preparing yourself now. Even if an engagement is a “surprise” it can be anticipated. If you friends are over the age of 21 and in a serious relationship, they may be getting engaged at any time. If you’re looking for the definition of a serious relationship, think a friend who’s been seeing someone for a year or more with no significant fall-outs. Once you come to terms that it could happen, you’ll be better prepared for when it does happen.

Next, think of what you might say to her when she tells you. If you’re at a point in life where hearing news like this is likely to upset you, a true friend will already be sensitive to that. She may even be a little nervous to tell you. So being prepared with a positive response will relieve her worries about hurting the friendship. When in doubt, less is more.  A smile, a hug, and a “congratulations!” will go a long way. But don’t forget, a forced smile and a non-inflected voice are giveaways that you don’t mean what you say. Dig deep down, remind yourself why you love her, and put on a happy face.

So maybe now you’re saying to yourself: Sure, putting your feelings aside is no problem if you’re just the friend who’s jealous or worried, but I’m the girl who thinks this engagement is a mistake! Well, you may be completely justified in thinking so, but do you really think now is the best time to tell her so? The answer is probably not. When you’re friend is riding high on the excitement of “Say Yes to the Dress” and diamond rings, she will not be responsive to hearing her choice is a mistake. Better to respond positively at first and wait until the buzz wears off a bit before confronting her. If you truly feel she’s making the wrong choice, then you are a great, and brave, friend to tell her so. But telling her in the midst of her joy is a sure fire way to ruin your friendship.

Bottom line: when a friend tells you she’s engaged, just say “yay!”

Re: Just Say 'Yay!': How to Respond to a Friend's Engagement

  • msjenna519msjenna519 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited September 2013
  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_just-say-yay-respond-friends-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:80260b69-3d30-41e4-a84d-3ac944575450Post:c6f43734-e3fb-47f5-87b5-3ae698f4f9ac">Just Say 'Yay!': How to Respond to a Friend's Engagement</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>They were cordial about it, of course, congratulating and asking how it happened</strong>. Yet, I could hear the judgmental surprise from one, and the quiet reservation from the other. I worried about what this would do to our friendships, and suddenly, instead of excitement, all I felt was guilt. Posted by Oddo[/QUOTE]

    You read into their feelings. They said congrats. That is all they have to do.
     
    [QUOTE]<strong> </strong>So what can you do?<strong> Well, for starters, begin preparing yourself now. . . </strong><strong>Once you come to terms that it could happen, you’ll be better prepared for when it does happen. Next, think of what you might say to her when she tells you. </strong>Posted by Oddo[/QUOTE]

    The world does not revolve around you.

    [QUOTE] When in doubt, less is more.   A smile, a hug, and a “congratulations!” will go a long way. Posted by Oddo[/QUOTE]
     
    Your friends did this. So the problem is what exactly? (Other than you need to calm down & realize that life does not stop when you get engaged). Again, the world does not revolve around you. 

    Are you seriously telling single girls to prepare & get ready for their friend's engagement? Why? <strong>Getting engaged has nothing to do with anyone else.</strong> No one needs to prepare (other than the couple). Seriously, grow up. If you are this focused on your friends, are you really happy? When I got engaged, I barely noticed anyone because I was so happy.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

    image
    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • Sometimes, people don't act the way you wish they would.  That's life.  Bursting into a monologue about it won't change anything.
  • to me that post shows how big your ego is... and how much you only care about yourself
  • OP, you are ridiculous. 

    image
    Meg: Some people get parades, Brooke got a whole FB board in her honor
  • Oh I'm sorry, I must have accidentally wandered onto LiveJournal.
    image
  • Life is not a sitcom.  You don't get to script the lines for how people will respond to anything you tell them.  You really need to get over yourself.

    But hey!  (Oh, was that supposed to be Yay!)  Good luck to you.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_just-say-yay-respond-friends-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:80260b69-3d30-41e4-a84d-3ac944575450Post:0403c1f2-b140-4d6d-94de-b1f068f732e4">Re: Just Say 'Yay!': How to Respond to a Friend's Engagement</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh I'm sorry, I must have accidentally wandered onto LiveJournal.
    Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

    *snort*
  • Sounds like you have some personal problems. I don't expect my friends to drop their lives when I get engaged. I know they will be genuinely excited for me and some who are excited but really don't care. It's not the end of the world. The only person who should really care about your engagement is you and your FI.

  • Honey, I'm not quite sure how to break this to you, but if you're seriously this upset because 2 (TWO) of the several people you told merely congratulated you and asked you for details cordially, instead of throwing you the parade you apparently think you deserve, then you're probably going to be upset with pretty much everybody you know before you're actually finished planning the wedding.

    You're getting married, that's great, but other people have lives, too. Respect that, and maybe you'll still have your friendships in tact after this is all over. Good luck with that.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
    image

  • msjenna519msjenna519 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited September 2013
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards