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Registry and Gift Forum
Registry Etiquette?? HELP!
I am fixing to mail out my invitations, but am stumped on what to do about our wedding registries!! We registered at a couple places, one of them being Bed, Bath & Beyond, which gave us little note cards to send out with our invites. We registered at a few other places as well, which did not give us these little cards. My question is, do I include the note cards from BB&B and make a little print off with our other registries to include as well? We have a wedding website, but not many people have used it, and I honestly don't know if they will! I for sure did NOT print it on the invite, that seemed failry tacky. I am also including recipe cards in my invites for people to mail back/bring to the wedding so I can start a good recipe box, just to give an idea of how my invites are not incredibly fancy. Thoughts? Any are greatly appreciated!
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Re: Registry Etiquette?? HELP!
Those cards can be used in the BRIDAL SHOWER invitations by whomever throws one for you because a shower is a party where gifts are expected, but I wouldn't even bother including them in those. Like PP said, just throw them out.
Also, it would be fine to include a card with your wedding website URL in your wedding invitations.
[QUOTE]A lot of people say it's poor etiquette, but we did it and no one complained. We have a lot of older family members who don't use the computer and they live all over the states. It would be unfair for our parents to have to call them all, so we decided to break the rule and sent the registry cards with the invite, we also sent a card with the wedding website. Rules can be broken and I personally would like to get a wedding invite that includes the registry info. It saves me the time and effort to find out where it is. I usually just write a check since it's not worth the effort, especially when they don't include a website!
Posted by catloverd[/QUOTE]
No one complained because etiquette works both ways.
[QUOTE]This is so horribly rude! Throw those things in the trash and put nothing about gifts or registries in your invitations. Some greedy people will tell you they did it and no one pointed out how rude it was, but the fact that other people are rude and greedy is no excuse for you to behave that way. People who tell you this are just trying to get others to join them so that they can excuse their acts with "other people did it too." They don't care that you'll look greedy and selfish to your guests, or that you will embarrass yourself. Some people have no shame.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]
<div>It's not greedy, it's letting people know who WANT to get gifts where the registry is easily. I would never expect anyone to feel obligated to bring a gift. I don't get why people see it as greedy, it's totally optional, but it is there to make it easier. I think the problem is people like to assume the worst and make it into a bigger deal then it is. A lot of the people didn't even buy items on the registry for our bridal shower that my maid of honor held. It's just there as a guide line. It's never a requirement to bring a gift, it's just sharing info in my opinion. </div><div>
</div><div>Like I said, I would LOVE to get an invite as detailed as mine. It saves the hassle of having to ask and to call around to find out where they are registered, which to me is a major pain because some people just don't have the time. </div><div>
</div><div>Then again this just my opinion. I'm sure people are going to start judging me now, but that's fine with me since they don't know me and will just assume I'm greedy and selfish. I'm not ashamed of what I did. I only do what I would like to be done to me.</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Registry Etiquette?? HELP! : It's not greedy, it's letting people know who WANT to get gifts where the registry is easily. I would never expect anyone to feel obligated to bring a gift. I don't get why people see it as greedy, it's totally optional, but it is there to make it easier. I think the problem is people like to assume the worst and make it into a bigger deal then it is. A lot of the people didn't even buy items on the registry for our bridal shower that my maid of honor held. It's just there as a guide line. It's never a requirement to bring a gift, it's just sharing info in my opinion. Like I said, I would LOVE to get an invite as detailed as mine. It saves the hassle of having to ask and to call around to find out where they are registered, which to me is a major pain because some people just don't have the time. Then again this just my opinion. I'm sure people are going to start judging me now, but that's fine with me since they don't know me and will just assume I'm greedy and selfish. I'm not ashamed of what I did. I only do what I would like to be done to me.
Posted by catloverd[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I don't judge you and I don't automatically assume you are greedy and selfish. I do, however, think that you don't fully understand how wedding etiquette works because if you did, you would know why including those cards is in poor taste.
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[QUOTE]If I'm being 100% honest and actually getting real here, I think that this sort of thing is taken WAY too far when it comes to good wedding manners. <strong>I don't know what sort of wedding you are having or what the demographic of the guests is like but I highly doubt that those little cards are going to so deeply offend people that they'll forget what your wedding is really about: the sharing of love. And again, getting real here, are those people that get offended REALLY your true friends or loving family? I mean, if you're a greedy son of a gun in general, yeah they'll think you're greedy. But if you're a nice person, nobody in their right mind (that TRULY cares about you) should feel that way.</strong> As for practical advice, I would try to spread the word about more information being on the wedding website. You could always make cute little cards with the URL and add that to your invites.
Posted by notaprincess[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Okay, I /really/ take issue with some of your comments here. It does. not. matter. what "demographic" your guests are. You should never be rude to your nearest and dearest, simply because they are your nearest and dearest! Sure, if a good friend did this, I would likely know that their heart was in the right place, but I would still be offended. Here is why.</div><div>
</div><div>Let's just say for a minute here, that we're talking about a dinner party. I'm inviting you all over for dinner. On the bottom of the invitation, I write "Bottles of Wine (White preferred) and boxes of chocolates welcomed at the door." Would you be thinking to yourself, "OOHHH, thank goodness they told us what gifts to bring them to their dinner party!!!" No! Of course you wouldn't think that, because no one assumes you bring someone a gift just because they decided to invite you to dinner! Furthermore, if you were going to bring a gift, how insulted would you feel that the hosts told you exactly what YOU can buy and bring them? You can't just bring them a gift anymore? You have to be told ON YOUR FREAKIN DINNER INVITATION what is acceptable for you to buy for them? Seriously? Even if these are dear, dear friends of mine, I would be pretty annoyed at their gall. On that same note, I would likely show up that day with the white wine in hand and NEVER SAY A SINGLE PEEP TO THE HOSTS about how I felt about their "request." This is BECAUSE they are my friends and it would be rude to THEM to point out that they were being rude to me. Yes, I would forgive because they are my friends, but that doesn't mean they weren't rude to me. And guess what, if you keep being rude to your friends, they will want to associate with you less and less. It just comes with the territory. Be good to your friends and loved ones and they will be good to you!</div><div>
</div><div>NOW! Let's take the opposite side of this little scenario. I issue you the same dinner invitation, but without ANY mention of gifts. You think, "Oh! How lovely! EmilyKathleen is inviting me over for dinner! How nice! I would just love to bring a little something to show my appreciation. I think I'll call her up and see what would be appreciated." </div><div>Ring-a-ling! "Hello!"</div><div>"Hi! EmilyKathleen! I just received your lovely dinner invitation! They are so darn cute! I was just wondering what I can bring that evening!"</div><div>"Oh my gosh, you are too sweet! I'm pretty good on the food side of things, but if you're dying to bring a little something, we can never have too much chocolate or wine in my house!"</div><div>"Sounds good to me! I'm so excited!"</div><div>"Talk to you later! Bye!"</div><div>
</div><div>And would you look at that? Emilykathleen got her wine and chocolates and she didn't even need to ask for it! It's a gosh-darn miracle!</div><div>
</div><div>Just because it's a wedding does not change one. single. thing. You are ONLY inviting them to the ceremony and the reception; that is letting them know that their COMPANY is requested. That's it. To make any mention of gifts not only sends the message that you expect each and every guest to show up with gift in hand, it also tells your guests that they are not smart enough to buy you a gift without your explicit instruction in the matter. A guest that wants to buy you a gift will buy you a gift-- without your help!</div><div>
</div><div>Sorry this was so long. Hope this helps.</div><div>
</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Registry Etiquette?? HELP! : Okay, I /really/ take issue with some of your comments here. It does. not. matter. what "demographic" your guests are. You should never be rude to your nearest and dearest, simply because they are your nearest and dearest! Sure, if a good friend did this, I would likely know that their heart was in the right place, but I would still be offended. Here is why. Let's just say for a minute here, that we're talking about a dinner party. I'm inviting you all over for dinner. On the bottom of the invitation, I write "Bottles of Wine (White preferred) and boxes of chocolates welcomed at the door." Would you be thinking to yourself, "OOHHH, thank goodness they told us what gifts to bring them to their dinner party!!!" No! Of course you wouldn't think that, because no one assumes you bring someone a gift just because they decided to invite you to dinner! Furthermore, if you were going to bring a gift, how insulted would you feel that the hosts told you exactly what YOU can buy and bring them? You can't just bring them a gift anymore? You have to be told ON YOUR FREAKIN DINNER INVITATION what is acceptable for you to buy for them? Seriously? Even if these are dear, dear friends of mine, I would be pretty annoyed at their gall. On that same note, I would likely show up that day with the white wine in hand and NEVER SAY A SINGLE PEEP TO THE HOSTS about how I felt about their "request." This is BECAUSE they are my friends and it would be rude to THEM to point out that they were being rude to me. Yes, I would forgive because they are my friends, but that doesn't mean they weren't rude to me. And guess what, if you keep being rude to your friends, they will want to associate with you less and less. It just comes with the territory. Be good to your friends and loved ones and they will be good to you! NOW! Let's take the opposite side of this little scenario. I issue you the same dinner invitation, but without ANY mention of gifts. You think, "Oh! How lovely! EmilyKathleen is inviting me over for dinner! How nice! I would just love to bring a little something to show my appreciation. I think I'll call her up and see what would be appreciated." Ring-a-ling! "Hello!" "Hi! EmilyKathleen! I just received your lovely dinner invitation! They are so darn cute! I was just wondering what I can bring that evening!" "Oh my gosh, you are too sweet! I'm pretty good on the food side of things, but if you're dying to bring a little something, we can never have too much chocolate or wine in my house!" "Sounds good to me! I'm so excited!" "Talk to you later! Bye!" And would you look at that? Emilykathleen got her wine and chocolates and she didn't even need to ask for it! It's a gosh-darn miracle! Just because it's a wedding does not change one. single. thing. You are ONLY inviting them to the ceremony and the reception; that is letting them know that their COMPANY is requested. That's it. To make any mention of gifts not only sends the message that you expect each and every guest to show up with gift in hand, it also tells your guests that they are not smart enough to buy you a gift without your explicit instruction in the matter. A guest that wants to buy you a gift will buy you a gift-- without your help! Sorry this was so long. Hope this helps.
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I think there's a huge difference between saying "We are registered at Bed Bath Beyond" and the saying "wine and chocolates" Also who brings gifts to a dinner party? </div><div>
</div><div>You aren't telling me what to get, you are giving the option to look at the registry. I didn't even mind when my cousin mentioned she only wanted cash! They were trying to save up for a house. I think you must have a really horribly group of friends and family to assume that it's poor etiquette. A lot of us actually thought it was a smart and good idea. No one judged her.
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[QUOTE]I know it is not the right way but I really like to know where people are registered, it saves me time of looking for their registry.
Posted by theelusive1[/QUOTE]
How long can it possibly take to text the B or G and say, "Where are you registered?" A text of that length would probably take me all of 5 seconds. Seriously. And if for, whatever reason, you aren't on a texting basis with either of them, typing in the bride's or groom's name in Google with registry would also give these results. Again about 5 seconds. This is not a valid reason for breaking etiquette at all.
You just don't get it. I don't know how much clearer the pp could have made this for you.
Obviously you know nothing of etiquette by saying who brings gifts to a dinner party? If you knew anything about good manners at all, you would know that it is polite to bring the host something when they invite you to a meal at their home or host you at a restaurant. A bottle of wine, a candle, something small for the house...all these are perfect gifts to say thank you for having me over to your home and feeding me yummy food. Same thing if you stay the weekend at someone's house. You should bring a small gift of appreciation for their kindness.
Sigh.
[QUOTE]A lot of people say it's poor etiquette, but we did it and no one complained. We have a lot of older family members who don't use the computer and they live all over the states. It would be unfair for our parents to have to call them all, so we decided to break the rule and sent the registry cards with the invite, we also sent a card with the wedding website. Rules can be broken and I personally would like to get a wedding invite that includes the registry info. It saves me the time and effort to find out where it is. I usually just write a check since it's not worth the effort, especially when they don't include a website!
Posted by catloverd[/QUOTE]
When my youngest stepdd got married 7 years ago she put the cards in her invitations. I got an earful from many in the family because we practice good manners and correct etiquette and we treat people well. Those cards do not ever belong in a wedding invitation.
Your comment about not inconveniencing your parents by having them call everyone to tell them where you are registered is ridiculous. Parents don't do that. If you have a few people who aren't computer savvy (even my 81 yo FIL makes his way around the internet just fine) then THEY call and ask where you are registered. You just don't get it.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Registry Etiquette?? HELP! : When my youngest stepdd got married 7 years ago she put the cards in her invitations. I got an earful from many in the family because we practice good manners and correct etiquette and we treat people well. Those cards do not ever belong in a wedding invitation. Your comment about not inconveniencing your parents by having them call everyone to tell them where you are registered is ridiculous. Parents don't do that. If you have a few people who aren't computer savvy (even my 81 yo FIL makes his way around the internet just fine) then THEY call and ask where you are registered. You just don't get it.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]
<div>Well maybe your family is that rude, but mine isn't. I asked my parents and a few other relatives if it was okay and they said yes. If you can put the registry on a bridal shower invite? Why not a regular invite? I guess my family just isn't as sensitvie as yours. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, my parents are paying for the wedding, thus hosting it, people would end up calling them to ask, not us. Sure my parents could say call them, but then it would just be silly and even more of a hassle. </div>
All I can say after reading this is how glad I am that the people in my life don't have such large sticks up their asses that this would be offensive. Everyone on here took it as an offense to them personally. Holy cow!
To the OP- If you wanna include it, Fine. It's your wedding. Your friends/family, who you know on a level that nobody else on here does. I would ask someone in your families if they think this might come off as offensive to people recieving them. They'll be able to give you better advice.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Registry Etiquette?? HELP! : Well maybe your family is that ru<strong>de, but mine isn't. I asked my parents and a few other relatives if it was okay and they said yes. If you can put the registry on a bridal shower invite? Why not a regular invite? </strong>I guess my family just isn't as sensitvie as yours. Also, my parents are paying for the wedding, thus hosting it, people would end up calling them to ask, not us. Sure my parents could say call them, but then it would just be silly and even more of a hassle.
Posted by catloverd[/QUOTE]
Because showers are given for the sole purpose of giving gifts. That's why it's ok. Weddings are not.
To catloverd: I know I'm an exception to the rule on this, but I'm not even a fan of putting registry information in shower invitations, although I know many people do this. But it's not okay to do that with any other kind of invitation, including a wedding invitation. It's never gracious for the potential individual recipient of gifts to bring up the subject of gifts in any form to anyone who hasn't inquired on their own first. Once the guest makes that inquiry, it's perfectly okay to answer it, but wait until then to discuss it.