Mother of the Bride vs. Stepmother of the Bride

BCFScheele12 · March 2012

So, I have a dilemma. My mom is helping me out with a lot of the wedding stuff, and I've graciously let my stepmother do my flower arrangements for me. I told her exactly what I wanted, what I didn't want, and how I would like them done. She put a big heart shaped locket on my bouquet, which is beautiful, but it's not me. She didn't even ask me if I would like that. So now not only has she called me ungrateful, but she's also telling me that the significance of the bouquet was the whole something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue...well, isn't that what the MOTHER OF THE BRIDE is supposed to do, not the STEPMOTHER???? She and I aren't very close to begin with, but this time she's gone too far. I know she had good intentions, and I asked her nicely if we could put the locket somewhere else, but she still thinks I don't appreciate anything she does, and thinks that I'm a very ungrateful child and disrespectful. I have not tried to be disrespectful, but this is my day, and she's not my mother. My own daddy won't even stand up to her and he's supposed to be the one who does stand up for me because I'm his daughter. This whole thing has turned into a nightmare! I really need some help to be nice to my stepmom, but also to stand up to her...even when she won't let me get a word in to defend myself. It's not fair to my own mother to have my stepmother trying to take care of everything. She already has two daughters of her own...one's already married. This isn't fair and I don't know what to do...help!

em01092 · March 2012

Seriously you both are over-reacting. You chose to nitpick over something that really is NBD, and she got butthurt because you didn't like it and she put it there without asking you first. Apologize for getting so worked up, and that you DO appreciate her help. See if you guys can compromise about where the locket will go. If not, just accept it, keep the locket, and move on. She is being silly for being so offended, but perhaps you should learn to pick your battles.

katehar01 · March 2012

Everything PP said.

PS, she "graciously" OFFERED to do your flowers. You have obviously not very graciously accepted.

mbody · March 2012

Yeaaah, I agree with the PPs. You over reacted about a small detail. She was just trying to do something nice. I would apologize and don't let something so small get to you- it's not really worth the fight and severing family relationships over.

OliveOilsMom · March 2012

My mother gave me all of the somethings as well. But I was already borrowing my friend's veil and I bought blue shoes. You can have more than one old, new, borrowed, & blue. I will still be wearing everything my mother gave me, I'm still wearing the something blue she gave me, just because I have blue shoes.

As long as what she did was what you asked for flower wise, just be gracious and accept. She probably put a lot of effort into thinking up the things to attach to your bouquet. And then when you reacted negatively, she felt the need to defend herself. And as a grown woman, you shouldn't need to get your daddy involved in this!

MairePoppy · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-the-bride-vs-stepmother-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a54c1934-3819-42fa-85f1-7a1f934963c0Post:982c5695-2ad3-4644-a0e4-396cabd1b377">Mother of the Bride vs. Stepmother of the Bride</a>:
[QUOTE]So, I have a dilemma. My mom is helping me out with a lot of the wedding stuff, and I've graciously let my stepmother do my flower arrangements for me. I told her exactly what I wanted, what I didn't want, and how I would like them done. She put a big heart shaped locket on my bouquet, which is beautiful, but it's not me. She didn't even ask me if I would like that. So now not only has she called me ungrateful, but she's also telling me that the significance of the bouquet was the whole something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue...well, isn't that what the MOTHER OF THE BRIDE is supposed to do, not the STEPMOTHER???? She and I aren't very close to begin with, but this time she's gone too far. I know she had good intentions, and I asked her nicely if we could put the locket somewhere else, but she still thinks I don't appreciate anything she does, and thinks that I'm a very ungrateful child and disrespectful. I have not tried to be disrespectful, but this is my day, and she's not my mother. My own daddy won't even stand up to her and he's supposed to be the one who does stand up for me because I'm his daughter. This whole thing has turned into a nightmare! I really need some help to be nice to my stepmom, but also to stand up to her...even when she won't let me get a word in to defend myself. It's not fair to my own mother to have my stepmother trying to take care of everything. She already has two daughters of her own...one's already married. This isn't fair and I don't know what to do...help!
Posted by BCFScheele12[/QUOTE]

All this fuss over a locket? That's ridiculous.

kjwest5024 · March 2012

Is this the first thing she has done, or have you two had problems before?

The way I read it, it sounds like there is more issues then just the locket. For example:
I have not tried to be disrespectful, but this is my day, and she's not my mother. My own daddy won't even stand up to her and he's supposed to be the one who does stand up for me because I'm his daughter.

If this is the first problem just let it blow over.
I
f not just do like I have had to do with my stepmom. Tell her where to be and what time and leave it at that.

GL

RockstarWifey0912 · March 2012

Don't like the way she does the flowers?

Pay a florist to do them instead.

Problem solved.

Mother of the Bride vs. Stepmother of the Bride

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