Bride's Father Weird About Money

saradargo · May 2010

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DG1 · May 2010

Yes, you're being a brat. No one, not even your father, is obligated in any way to contribute any dollar amount to your wedding.

i wouldn't count on getting that $650 for your wedding dress, either.

You have some right to be disappointed about the lack of emotional support (e.g., choosing a vacation with his girlfriend over your engagement party whle claiming $$ issues), but even then he really isn't obligated to go.

DG1 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_brides-father-weird-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:662964b7-87fe-4a0d-88aa-13af3cba8193Post:e58e4e06-fcdb-4240-8300-834d3a1f7dee">Bride's Father Weird About Money</a>:
[QUOTE]I am getting married this fall to a wonderful man. My fiance makes a decent living and we (he) can comfortably pay for our wedding ourselves. In keeping with tradition, my fiance's parents have offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner which we graciously accepted. My mother (my parents are no longer married) makes a very small salary but she has happily offered to pay for our invitations and cake. We graciously accepted her offer as well. My father has always been selfish with money did not offer any contribution to the wedding until I asked. I asked my dad in January if he had thought about helping out and he said that he would like to wait and see what his tax return looked like. It is now May and he has yet to bring the conversation up again. A couple months ago I was telling him about my wedding gown and he did offer to pay for half of my gown... which is about $650. Well today I got a call from my dad who is all excited because he just bought a new motorcycle! I feel if he can spontaneously go out and buy a new motorcycle than he can also contribute more than $650 to his first daughter's wedding. Especially when all the other parents are chipping in. Am I acting like a spoiled brat? Or do I have a reason to be upset? Should I say something? What do I say? I feel like if I bring the money issue up he will put me on a guilt trip. He will also surely mention the fact that his future son-in-law makes more money than him. On top of all that, we are having a family engagement party over the 4th of July weekend in another town a few hours away. When I told my dad about he said he probably wouldn't go because it is a long drive and he doesn't have money in his budget right now for a weekend trip. He told me today that part of the reason for getting a motorcycle was that he and his girlfriend want to go on a couple weekend getaways this summer.
Posted by saradargo[/QUOTE]

for bmom. I almost forgot.

notamrs · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_brides-father-weird-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:662964b7-87fe-4a0d-88aa-13af3cba8193Post:e58e4e06-fcdb-4240-8300-834d3a1f7dee">Bride's Father Weird About Money</a>:
[QUOTE]I am getting married this fall to a wonderful man. My fiance makes a decent living and we (he) can comfortably pay for our wedding ourselves. In keeping with tradition, my fiance's parents have offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner which we graciously accepted. My mother (my parents are no longer married) makes a very small salary but she has happily offered to pay for our invitations and cake. We graciously accepted her offer as well. My father has always been selfish with money did not offer any contribution to the wedding until I asked. I asked my dad in January if he had thought about helping out and he said that he would like to wait and see what his tax return looked like. It is now May and he has yet to bring the conversation up again. A couple months ago I was telling him about my wedding gown and he did offer to pay for half of my gown... which is about $650. Well today I got a call from my dad who is all excited because he just bought a new motorcycle! I feel if he can spontaneously go out and buy a new motorcycle than he can also contribute more than $650 to his first daughter's wedding. Especially when all the other parents are chipping in. Am I acting like a spoiled brat? Or do I have a reason to be upset? Should I say something? What do I say? I feel like if I bring the money issue up he will put me on a guilt trip. He will also surely mention the fact that his future son-in-law makes more money than him. On top of all that, we are having a family engagement party over the 4th of July weekend in another town a few hours away. When I told my dad about he said he probably wouldn't go because it is a long drive and he doesn't have money in his budget right now for a weekend trip. He told me today that part of the reason for getting a motorcycle was that he and his girlfriend want to go on a couple weekend getaways this summer.
Posted by saradargo[/QUOTE]

You've already said you can comfortably pay for the wedding yourself. Regardless of whether the other parents are chipping on or not, If your dad wants to/can contribute, he will. Since you don't need the money, don't count on his contribution and you won't be disappointed.

ReturnOfKuus · May 2010

What? Why are you trying to shake down your dad for money?

NOLABridesmaid · May 2010

I'm not getting married any time soon, but you know what I've told my mom.

Just buy your dress. She's doesn't have to pay for anything. I'm sure she will offer to pay for something, but I really don't need or want her to.

She's old(ok, not THAT old). Take that money and buy something you need.

As you dad, I think that he should be at all of the events, but does it really matter if he pays for something.

E Squared · May 2010

You're a grown-up capable of affording your own wedding, right?

You shouldn't be expecting him to pay AT ALL, unless you somehow equate money with emotional support. If so, good luck with that.

psichick · May 2010

you seriously asked your dad what he was going to pay for and now you're wondering how to bring it up in conversation that you think he's being cheap because he obviously has the money to spend if he bought something for himself so you think that money should go instead to your wedding. is that about right?

here's a clue.....he doesn't have to pay for anything. and you have no business telling him how he can spend his money. if he wants to buy himself a bike he certainly can and you can't say a damn word about it.

yes it sucks that he won't be at the engagement party, but it's just a party not that big a deal. my dad wasn't at mine because he lives 4 hours away and had other plans (it was kind of a last minute thing - we had a bbq thrown by my FMIL, she gave us about a week's notice). yes it sucks that my dad wasn't there. but i'm still getting married and my life isn't over.

NOLABridesmaid · May 2010

Sara, don't you think you should tell him how you feel. It sounds like him not paying= him not caring in your eyes.

You aren't 10, and can express yourself with your dad.

I talk with my mom when she does things that hurt my feelings. We have a good relationship now because we talk.

GBCK · May 2010

so...you're basically saying that YOU get to decide his priorities with money?

That you've unilaterally decided that paying for your wedding should be more important than paying for his motorcycle...with HIS money?

And, PUHLEASE, 'like all the other parents are'--most people on here pay for their own weddings. Do you honestly think that the fact mom gave you a gift *requires* him to give you one? That sort of scorekeeping doesn't ever bode well.

Yes, you sound every bit a spoiled brat.

(PS, PLEASE say that your handle here isn't your real name...because if it is? I know where you work and where you went to school and that's NOT SMART. Go read the first PSA in my bio. The one here since theknut screwed them up: http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/user/default.aspx?UserName=GBCK)

HookaPants · May 2010

He can be weird about his money. Why do you have your hand in everyone's pockets? Dad's/Mom's/IL's/Fi's...what's in YOUR wallet?

GBCK · May 2010

See...that clarification?
it doesn't change a dang thing.

You're equating love/help/support with money.
That's YOUR issue, not his. (and, sounds like you already hold a grudge which probably contributes)

ReturnOfKuus · May 2010

So the real issue is that he doesn't love you or help you out in any way, yet he loves and helps your sister. So talk to him and make it about that.

Paulo's Menina Bela · May 2010

He's not obligated to contribute financially just because the other parents involved have chosen to contribute to a wedding you say can afford on your own. What each parent or set of parents do with their money is their business, not yours.

NOLABridesmaid · May 2010

Sara, this is all about feeling slighted.

You know how your dad is, and I'm not sure why you thought this situation would be any different.

Parent's DON"T HAVE to pay for you to go to college. It's wonderful if they do, but it's not a rule or requirement of giving birth. This also applies to weddings.

I will state my earlier statement:

It sounds like him not paying= him not caring in your eyes

You're going to have to move on from the past. I've forgiven my mom years ago about a few things from the past.

Express your feelings like an adult, forgive, and let it go.

ilovewhoseweddingisitanyway · May 2010

You're full of it. It is about the money, and that he doesn't want to spend his on you. If you've got the money, then pay for it. If he wanted to help, he'd offer. Take a hint.

HookaPants · May 2010

He's always been like this when it comes to you and you expected him to change? Why? Because you're his first child? That meant nothing to him at other stages in your life and your getting married won't change that. Stop keeping score. It's not healthy and makes you look like a brat. Either talk to him about your feelings (NOT MONEY) and let it go or continue to look petty and childish.

duckie1905 · May 2010

Thanks to the magic of quoting your bratty and selfish behavior are still readable. DDing didn't make it go away...sorry

And, since I am able to read your original post: you are being a spoiled, selfish, bratty child. Pay for your own wedding and let your dad spend HIS money however he wants. He spent money to raise you, isn't that enough?

He never promised you money and you aren't entitled to a dime. The fact that he'd rather spend his money on something for himself than a wedding for you doesn't mean he loves you any less.

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