MOH-To-Be! Advice?

otherkid · October 2011

Hey everyone!

My name is Sam, and Alyssa, who has been my best friend since middle school, recently got engaged and asked me to be her MOH! SO EXCITED. Yet, so nervous! I just wanted to see if any of you guys had advice for a MOH? I've never been a bridesmaid before and I want to make sure I do the best job for Alyssa that I possibly can.

Nancy00714 · October 2011

There are many things that factor into what kind of maid of honor you will have to be. Above all is what kind of bride is your friend going to be. When I was my best friend's maid of honor, I went with her to pick out her dress, check out the dj, talk to the photographer, meet with her florist and helped her do all the decor/centerpieces for her engagement party. Now that I am planning my wedding and she is my maid of honor she also reciprocated but I am definitely more of an independant planner and prefer to get things done on my own.

Along with my co-maid of honor (she had 2 of us) we planned her bachelorette party and bridal shower. These things will all depend on how much you're able to spend, other girls or BMs going on the bachelorette party, if the MOB is going to co-host the shower with you, etc.

Of course everything I've spoken of has been material. The most important thing you can do for your best friend is be there for her and just let her know that you are able to help her with anything she might need. She could have chosen anyone and she chose you! IMO it's such an honor to have someone choose you to be there MOH. If you aren't sure what she expects of you just ask her! Enjoy this experience

em01092 · October 2011

Your only techincal duties are to buy the dress she decided (with input, especially regarding $) and show up clean and sober, smile for pictures, hold her bouquet, and sign her marriage license. That said, I certainly am of the opinion that if you can and are able to, you should do a little more than the bare bones minimum.

If you can/want to, it is customary for MOHs to throw the bride a shower and organize a bachelorette party, but you are not obligated to do so. She should not make you feel bad if you cannot afford it or if you are long distance, etc. Also, a B-party doesn't have to equal a trip to Vegas. Spa days, going out for dinner and drinks, mani/pedis/etc are all perfectly acceptable. You can ask the bride what she would like or if she has any preferences, but don't let her have much to do with the planning. It should be a gift thrown in her honor.

RaptorSLH · October 2011

[QUOTE] The most important thing you can do for your best friend is be there for her and just let her know that you are able to help her with anything she might need.<div>Posted by Nancy00714[/QUOTE]

</div><div>This, 100%. Em's right about the your official duties, and Nancy's right about the details changing from bride to bride, but to me, this is far and away the most important part. I have a BM who brings a boundless love and enthusiasm and joy to my planning. She's out of state, so there won't be any parties, and she can't come to planning events, but her excitement for us is palpable, even by phone, and she doesn't tire of listening to me, no matter how much I gush. That kind of support is a priceless gift.</div><div>
</div><div>Congratulations, to you and the couple!</div>

Karenofcourse · October 2011

The most important thing you can do as MOH is to listen and be a friend. Talk to her about her expectaction of what she would like for you to do (ex: She may want you to help shop for her dress and be there for every fitting-if you live five hours away this likely won't happen!!) As for helping to pick out the venue, dj, etc, you can make suggestions but ultiimately the couple should make these decisions.

Nancy also made excellent points!! Please talk asap about her expectation so there are no hard feelings when the stress kicks in!!

GL!

Elinetrouwt · October 2011

Agree with all PP. My MOH lives a bit further away, and I waited a while so I could ask her in person, and once I asked her, everything changed, for the better. It was so great to have someone to listen to me, to ask what I wanted, to listen to my dreams and frustrations... I love getting her emails in which she asks me how the planning is going. I feel like can tell her all the silly things that I'd be ashamed to tell anyone else. So be there for her, and I'm sure it will be a magical time for you both.

Soon2BeMrsTing · October 2011

My MOH was amazing, and went above and beyond in every way. The best thing she did, though, was to snatch my cell phone from me and take all my calls, starting at the end of the RD. That thing was blowing up all day with calls from vendors and guests, and I didn't have to deal with any of it.

Have fun!

graysquirrel · October 2011

What every bride needs is a sounding board. While I don't think that you should have to talk wedding with her constantly, she will probably need someone to bounce ideas off of or just to listen to her trumphs/frustrations.It isn't a duty or job of a MOH by any means, but you sound like the kind of person who wants to go above and beyond, and I know that having people to just share my excitement with was a blessing.

Another thing that is really helpful is for the MOH to have the bride's back on the wedding day. By that I mean things like making sure that she is eating/drinking (sometimes I know that I got in such a frazzle that I needed someone to push a water in my hands), helping the other maids know where to be or just making sure that the bride isn't dragging her skirt in the mud, etc. I really appreciated my maids being calm and helpful on what was a very stressful day.

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