What would you do?

slweaver0626 · January 2010

I am 25, and my cousin is in her 40's. That said, over the last year this cousin has accused me of many terrible things. I have since decided to leave her out of my life. My mother has recently become her best friend and is taking on some of her traits, including callng me nasty things when I am not in agreeance with her. Anyways, the last coorespondence I had with this cousin asked me to never contact her again. No problem.

Tonight my mother told me to get another job because she is not paying for a reception dinner when this cousin will not be invited.

I say it's my wedding and this cousin wants nothing to do with me... is it sad that even her mother wants nothing to do with her?

My fiance and I have discussed it and are ready to work extra hours and jobs.

What would you do? />

SarahPLiz · January 2010

ALWAYS plan a wedding you can afford. If your mom is pulling her funding, then you have to make it up yourself, or invite your cousin. Its really a simple choice. Money comes with strings. If you don't want the strings, don't take the money.

sapphire1751 · January 2010

it's your and your FI's day. If you do not want your cousin there, then you shouldn't invite her. But like Sarah said money given to you comes with strings. It sounds like you are sure you don't want her invited (can't say as I blame you), so I would take a look at your budget and figure out where you can possibly trim some dollars that you can apply to your reception (I assume you've already signed a contract with the hall), perhaps favors, centerpieces, the bakery, etc, and save and scrape elsewhere to be able to afford the reception - cousinless - you want. Good Luck!

SteveandKris · January 2010

I would plan the wedding I could afford - working extra jobs or cutting things, etc.

However, are you prepared for your mother to potentially not come?

megk8oz · January 2010

Money = strings. Whoever pays, gets final say.

If you don't want to invite her, then you have to be able to foot the bill. If I honestly couldn't stand the thought of a certain person attending my wedding, I would have done everything in my power to not invite them.

Also, even if you did bite the bullet and invite her in exchange for your mom's financial contributions, there's a chance she'll just find another way to pull the money over some other trivial matter. Then you'll be stuck with paying for everything and having her on the guest list.

laurenross01 · January 2010

I say invite your cousin- not because of money, not because of what your mother wants, but because one day you never know where life will take both of you. Sit her at a table far from you and with other members of your family who understand the issues, and who will sheild her from you or her misbehaving.
She may not even come.
But bottom line it is your wedding, and if she being there is going to make you worry- stand up and don't invite her!

Blueyed228 · January 2010

I say pay for it yourself and make it known. Tell your mom that if she is so concerned with said cousin then you dont need her money, or her input for that matter. Invite who you want (dont bother asking mom for a guest list) and have a beautiful stress free day. If mom doesnt come around after hearing that her friends cant come and you are having it somewhere she doesnt want, then who cares. Its your day, not moms.

Have you tried talking to you mom about why you and your cousin are not on speaking terms? Or that she is starting to sound like her and you dont like it?

agk0125 · January 2010

Honestly it sounds like the feelings of dislike are mutual so go ahead and invite her. She won't come. It sounds like your mom is a peach though. Good luck with that.

slweaver0626 · January 2010

Thanks for all the advice! We actually had a go round last night about it. And my mom argued that by the wedding date my cousin and I might be friends. And to appease her at that moment I agreed we MIGHT be, but at this moment we were not.
My FI and I also took the power away, we are going to pay for everything ourselves and let my family know that. We aldo extended that if they should chose to offer us a gift with no strings, we would accept it, but would not be able to disclose where the money specifically went.
The funny side is, my cousin actually sent my mother the same e-mail telling me she wanted nothing to do with me and that she would never apologize for it. So my mom knows exactly what was said.
I'm not holding my breath

Future.Mrs.Carter · January 2010

Tell your mother fine we don't need to have your money to have a nice wedding. Don't let her give you ultimatums and tell her that her vindictive behavior is hurtful. Make sure she understands how her actions make you feel and what is truly important to you on your day.

My mother tried to throw a fit because my Birth-Father was going to come and my Step-Father also refuses to attend. She swore she would not sit in the front row or be anywhere remotely near "that man." I gathered my thoughts told her how I felt and left it alone. Two weeks later she came back and announced that she'd overreacted and was sorry. Needless to say she's sitting in the front row. Hopefully the same tactics will work on your mother (honesty, then silence so the guilt can set in).

Bubbala · January 2010

I feel you...it is hard to take that money, and not feel obligated to abide by her...I am proud of you, that you had the guts to stand up to her. It is your wedding, and you need to do what feels right to do. Good for you, girl, from me...

suz62984 · January 2010

If your mother wants to be stupid because your cousin is making you the bad guy then whatever. I wouldn't invite your cousin if she will cause you stress or cause a scene at your wedding. And she just might! Money = strings. Don't take it and pay for it yourself. You can budget and cut corners where needed. It may be hard to pay for but in the end you will be happy that you did it yourself.

FashionFauxPas · January 2010

No matter who you decide to invite, or who ends up coming to your wedding, make sure you don't let anyone ruin it for you! This is YOUR day to celebrate YOUR love, and anyone who tries to make it otherwise should be ignored for your special day together. Take care!

GleeBeal · January 2010

My Fiance' and I had issues with my mother. She kept holding the money over our heads. With someone else's money, there are always strings attached. You have to decide whether it is more important for you to have a moderately priced wedding that you and your fiance' can look at and say, "We worked on this together. We showed every one that in the face of difficulty, we came together and proved that we can solve problems side-by-side, etc..."

Your wedding is exactly that : YOUR WEDDING. Mom-zillas rear their ugly heads during times of great stress (like their daughter's wedding). In my case, when Momzilla began to throw her weight around, we decided that it was better to not have their funding. For us, the wedding has become a testament to how well we work together as a couple. Trust me, planning and budgeting for a wedding together is not a walk in the park, but if you can make it through all of that, you will be so much happier with your wedding.

This has opened our eyes to what is most important, our wedding priorities, and has already helped us with married life even before we say "I do." Bottom line: you and your fiance' should decide if YOUR (plural) day is really about YOU or about appeasing others. I hope that helps?

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