Here is my horror story with my future in laws, mostly my fmil. I'm sorry that this is so long, but it just shows you how many problems that I've had with my future in laws and we're not even married yet! But if you like reading in law horror stories, this one will definitely be worth your time.
We started dating, for a second time, in August of 2009 and I was so looking foward to meeting his parents. I wanted to have a wonderful relationship with them, but that was never gonna happen.
In March of 2010 I found out that I was pregnant, but we were waiting to tell his parents because his mom is the son of a Lutheran minister and his father was raised strictly Cathloic. At the end of April I found out that I was going to lose our son, Wyatt. My fiance waited til the end of October to tell her, which was fine with me. He also told her that he had asked me to marry him and her only response was that she and his dad wanted to have a conversation with just him.
During this conversation, which was recalled to me in great detail by my fiance, they proceeded to tell him that he should not get married, that he needs to go to and finish school first and that they will not recognize our engagement until he got me a ring.
In December, I broke my thumb and tore a ligament in it, that required surgery to fix while skiing with my fiance. She at one point, in a rare moment alone with her, asked me how I was planning on paying for they surgery and appointments that followed. I thought that this was rude of her, but answered anyway saying "I'm still on medical assistance from when I was pregnant." She got this really pissed off look on her face and told me to "shut the hell up".
Fast forward to the beginning of April 2011. His parents planned a European vacation for them, my fiance and his brother, cuz my fiance's sister was studying in England. My fiance had a huge fight over this, but that is in the past. He told his parents that I would be picking him up from the airport when they got back. His mother completely flipped, at one point yelling in my face, while at Kohl's, that this was their vacation and that I needed to butt out.
His parents than asked him if he could drive them to the airport, to which he had to decline, having already made plans to help out me and my mom. Again, his mother threw a fit. They also asked him how he was planning on getting to the airport, since he was coming out later. When he told them that I was taking him, they said that he should just take a shuttle. We got our way in the end.
At the end of June, my fiance finally presented me with an engagement ring and again asked me to marry him. When my fiance changed his relationship status on facebook, his brother messaged him with a congrats and asked when we planned to tell their parents. He responded that we were going to tell them when we came up to his parents cabin over the 4th of July weekend. Two days before we are set to leave, his brother also changes his relationship status on facebook with an accompying video of him proposing to his girlfriend and the celebration that followed. Lots of crying and hugging, well wishes and congrats; I was rather upset by it.
When we got out there and told his parents about our engagement, they just stared at us and said okay before walkiing away. They pretended like we had never said anything, which again hurt, so we left early. We asked them later if we could come over to discuss the wedding with them and they said that was fine and we agreed on a time and date.
I swear to you that it was the most awkward conversation that I have ever had with anyone in my entire life. They asked us how we were planning on paying for the wedding, where we were thinking of having it and so on and so forth. After we finished telling them what we had already decided upon, they tried to talking my fiance out of marrying me; while I was sitting right next to him. They also told us not to expect anything from them, so we didn't.
When I recieved a copy of our engagement pictures, I posted them on facebook. His brothers fiance is a friend on facebook and she when she saw the pictures, she sent me a "polite" message. It basically said you pictures are beautiful and we noticed that you highlighted purple (my fiance's shirt was purple) to match your engagement ring (which is an amethyst). She said that she was messaging me to inform me that they were using the color purple in their wedding and asked us to stay away from it. I informed her that our colors are purple, green and silver and that under no circumstance was I going to change them. (Their secondary color is also green, so we have the same colors, different shades though).
I didn't hear anything back from her, but my fiance did get a message from his mother, who was upset. She said that his brother and fiance felt that we were trying to steal their spotlight cuz our weddings are so close together (ours is August 4th and theirs is Sept 29th). The told us that we were causing drama in the family and that we needed to either change our colors or change our date. We picked the only month out of the year that we could have our wedding, because of my siblings and my aunts careers prevent them from getting time off the rest of the months. We informed her that we would not be changing anything.
His brother feels like our weddings are too close together and that they will be too similar because of the color scheme. They said that people will remember our colors and comment on them having the same. Everybody that we have talked to about this issue feels that our dates are not too close together and that nobody will notice that we had the same color scheme. My whole family thinkis that they are over-reacting.
Later that night we got a message from his mother saying that we were going to allow us to keep our date and colors, but the four of us have very different styles. My fiance was very upset with her, because we didn't need her approval and she cares nothing for our wedding.
Later my ffil got a chance to speak to my fiance without me being present and told him that his brother had asked them for money. He said that they had agreed to give his brother the very large amount of money he asked for and since they were doing it for his brother, that they would do the same for him. It would have been nice to know that beforehand, so that we could have done somethings different with our wedding that we had wanted to, but didn't have the budget for.
They asked the both of us to come over some night to talk about the money they were going to give us. We went over and had a good meal, but horrible conversation. My fiance plan on putting one flower for each of our deceased relatives on the alter (both his grandfathers, my grandmothers, my uncle and our son). I asked them what flower they would like on the alter for their fathers. His dad looked at me and said that it is a terrible idea. He said that some relatives would feel upset that we left someone out; I don't know who we left out though and I don't care what other people think.
His mother texts him on occasion and complains to him that they know nothing about our wedding and that they want to know what is going on. However, every time we do tell them any of our ideas, they bash our ideas and say that we shouldn't do that. We have no desire at all to tell them about anything that is going on with the wedding for this reason, but she somehow can't understand why we don't tell them anything.
His younger brother and sister are both the favorites and my fiance is the black sheep of the family. They get the best of everything and he gets crap. They are paying for his brother and sister to go to school and paying for all of their bills and expenses so that they don't have to have a job while in school. My fiance only went to school for a year, but he had to pay for all of it himself and he had to pay for all of his own bills and other expenses. His siblings have recieved cars that are only about five years old, while my fiance gets one that is 10 years old.
He doesn't usually care about what his siblings get that he doesn't, he's very laid back, but the college thing makes him mad. His family only tells us about important events, like his grandmother's birthday celebration in another city 50 miles away, three days before it happens, when we are already scheduled to work; his siblings usually know about two weeks in advance.
Both of his grandmothers don't yet know that I was pregnant, because his parents don't want them to know. We aren't going to tell his parents, but we are putting inserts into our wedding programs listing deceased loved one that are not here to enjoy this celebration with us. It will of course have there names, but it will also include the flower on the alter that is for them and their relation to us. We are listing our son as well, which will not go over well with his parents, but this is my wedding, not theirs.
I know that someday down the road I will also hear something from them for the fact that his sister is going to have absolutely no part in our wedding. His brother is a groomsmen, my sister is my MOH while bridesmaid are my best friend and a very close friend of mine, who also happens to be a mentor for me. I am having my three half sisters and juinor bridesmaids, my niece and nephew are flower gril and ringbear. I'm going to have my step brother as an usher, with his uncle as the second usher. I'm also going to have my two younger stepsisters read a passage for the wedding and I'm going to ask my older stepsister to be my personal attendant. I'm going to hear about it, but I don't care. Neither of us care for his sister, she's nothing but a stuck up spoiled little brat and she's absolutely horrible to my fiance.
I don't like my fmil, ffil,fbil or my fsil. His aunt, uncle and two cousins and the grandmother that I have met are great though, I love them and they seem to love me too. I always had dreams as a teenager of having a wonderful and loving relationship with my in-laws, but that's never going to happen. Not for lack of my trying though, I have tried very hard. Now though, I'm totally done and I don't care anymore; my fiance cares nothing for his parents opinion either.
I love my fiance to death and he's absolutely amazing, but I really don't like his immediate family. I still wonder how such stuck up horrible people raised such an amazing and wonderful man!?! I've even asked my fiance when we get married if we could use my mothers maiden name, because I don't want people to know that I'm related to his mother. She is seriously that bad!
I'm at my wit's end with his immediate family and I'm ready to never see them again. My fiance is very close to that point as well, because he's never been that close to his parents. In fact he's closer to my parents than he is to his. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm to the point where I do stuff that will piss his parents off on purpose or at least I think about them anyway. My fiance won't actually let me do a lot of the things that I would love to do.
When we have kids, they are not allowed to be alone with them, for fear of them poisoning their minds against me. When that time comes, it will be hard for me to do that, but I don't know what else to do. They have never actuall said that they don't like me, but their actions sure do show how they feel.
I'm going to be stuck with them for in laws for the rest of my life so I have to find someway to put up with them, but how? How do I put up with such horrible people and live with their actions towards me?
Please help me!
Again, thank you for reading my story, I know that it was really long. Any adivce that you have is greatly appreciated. Also if you have your own stories, I would love to hear them.