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First Look or No?

rroelofsenrroelofsen member
First Comment
in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
Soo.. I had spoken to my photographer, and he suggested that the groom and I see each before the wedding for pictures.  He said that he would still make it special.  (BTW.. any ways to do this?).  BUT.. when I told my step mother (who is helping me plan a lot of the wedding), she said that it was stupid, nontraditional of me to have my groom see me before the wedding.  She also said that there is no reason to buy a dress if we aren't waiting until the actual ceremony.  I don't know.. what do you guys think about the "first look"?  To see each other before to no?
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Re: First Look or No?

  • Annas2013Annas2013 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    We're doing it.  That way we can do most, if not all, of the pictures before the ceremony and the reception can start sooner rather than having a super long cocktail time.  Plus I tend to not really show emotion in front of tons of people so I want to have pictures of just me and him when we see each other.  Most people that have had them done, have loved them.  It's not traditional, but it has it's pros and cons.  The con is mostly being that it's not traditional.

    The pros are that it frees up more time for you to be with your guests after the ceremony (or less time taking pictures after the ceremony in general), it shows you and him when you see each other (not surrounded by all the guests staring at you), and it can make for some cute pictures.  

    It's up to you.  It'll still be special when you walk down the aisle, even if you do first look pictures.
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  • ElleB87ElleB87 member
    1000 Comments
    edited June 2012
    Seeing as it was only H and I at our wedding we helped each other get ready and therefore obviously saw each other before the ceremony.  I think your step mother is being a huge b*tch by throwing the "it's non-traditional'' card in your face and telling you not to bother wearing a dress.  It's not 1950 anymore. Also, back when legal marriage first appeared, the bride and groom typically had never met before the ceremony so that's why it's "traditional" for the groom not to see the bride before the wedding. Most wedding traditions are rooted in some really prejudicial/anti-feminist beliefs (like the father giving away the bride - because women were (and in some places still are) considered property).

     If you want to have a first look, have one; if you don't want it, don't have it. Opinions are like butt holes, everyone has one, no matter what you do you're not going to please everyone and you'll surely hear about it. 

    Like PP said, your ceremony will still be just as special.
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  • cpblancocpblanco member
    10 Comments
    Like Annas, for us it's coming down to logistics. I wasn't particularly jazzed about having FI see me before the ceremony, but by doing a private First Look with just FI and our photographer, for me it's even more special than during the ceremony. It took some getting used to the idea, but it makes our schedule easier and gives us some moments (practically) alone before the rush of family pictures, bridal party, ceremony, and all the chaos that will follow!
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  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    It's up to you and H. Your photographer should NOT be pressuring you to do it one way or the other. Good photographers can work with either schedule. Having said that, I think it's ridiculous to say there's no point in buying a dress if he sees it beforehand.

    FWIW, we did not do a first look. It's a decision H and I came to together; we wanted to do it the traditional way. But we know many couples who had a first look and loved it. Ultimately, this is a personal decision that you two need to make, not your photographer or MIL.


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  • Spunky414Spunky414 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    We are also doing it for logistical reasons. It keeps our guests from having to wait around and keeps us from having to pay for a cocktail hour. Your stepmothers comment about not getting a dress is just so ridiculous. You are getting married you get a wedding dress if you want. It's still special.
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  • cwill6212cwill6212 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    We just got married this past weekend and we'd gone back and forth on whether to do a "first look" or wait for the ceremony. While I thought about the time-saving factor of doing one and having most of our pics before, I thought it would make my walk down the aisle less special. Totally not the case though.

    My photographer arranged for us to have a few private moments alone. He was mesmerized when he saw me and we had a few moments to focus on each other before all the madness started. It was so special and one of the highlights of the day. After that we took pics and then that only left a few to take after the ceremony. That gave us more time to enjoy the friends and family who were there and the reception we spent our hard earned $$ to put together! :)

    Side note: The walk down the aisle to meet my husband was still magical, even though we saw each other beforehand. Each of us (I found out later) were reflecting on our journey that got us to that point and it was an awesome, emotional moment.
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  • mbuckley85mbuckley85 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary
    My FI and I are not going to see each after the rehearsal dinner Saturday night, until the ceremony, Sunday at 4pm.  He will do the pictures with his guys before the ceremony and I will do the pictures with my girls before the ceremony.  During the cocktail hour, we will do any pictures that we have together.  Our caterer will set up a private cocktail hour for the wedding party and we will join everyone at the reception.  I really don't feel the need to be at the cocktail hour for socializing since we are doing both a rehearsal dinner and a brunch the day after.  
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  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    We did one and I don't regret it at all. They are some of our favorite pictures.  It does not take away from walking down the aisle at all.  I think seeing each other before hand actually made us calmer and able to enjoy the moment more.
     
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  • gundy21gundy21 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited June 2012
    We did a first look.  Best decision for us.  Love the pictures and the fact that we had that intimate moment before the wedding.  Also allowed us to enjoy the cocktail hour with our guests since 95% of our pictures were done (we did some big family / group shots at the reception).

    Link to our photos's blog about the wedding - includes a first look sequence.

    http://www.lisamathewson.com/blog/kristen-joel-wedding-milwaukee-wedding-photographer/
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    MOTB weighing in here...I initially did not like the idea, but practicality weighed in and I caved in to my daughter's wishes. 
    However, they made it so special!  Her father and I brought her to a park, where her husband to be was already there with his parents.  He had his back turned, facing his parents, and my daughter walked with us down a long path and stood behind him.  When he turned around, and saw her....we all got tears in our eyes, it was beautiful!  The photographers captured the walk, his parents watching her walk up, the groom's face, our faces, etc...
    After about 15 minutes the rest of the bridal party arrived and we took all the pictures.  Once back at the church, my daughter stayed in a private room away from the groom until she walked down the aisle, this time with her veil on which her groom did not see.

    .
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  • lilbitbeakerlilbitbeaker member
    10 Comments
    our ceremony and reception is all in the same place... 
    my parents backyard. 

    so yes we are doing the first look. 

    we are doing it so that we can get all the pictures done so that we can just go right into dinner/party mode after the ceremony. 
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  • rroelofsenrroelofsen member
    First Comment
    Thank you all for you advice.  It helps me so much!  I wasn't sure what to do, and you guys helped me.  Honestly, I'm not very good at telling my stepmother to back up  and let me decide on my own.  Your advice helps so much!  

    BTW-- Gundy, your first look pictures are beautiful!
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