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Unity Candle

Elaina1012Elaina1012 member
10 Comments
in Catholic Weddings
I also posted this on the October board. But wanted to say something here as well. I am getting married Catholic style. The priest that is marrying us is telling us the unity candle is not traditionally in the catholic ceremony. Im a bit confused by this statement. Reason for this both mine and my FI's brother got married in a catholic church and had the unity candle. We are getting married the he same church my brother did. So Im wondering if anyone else has come across this? Is this something new?
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Re: Unity Candle

  • CiardasullyCiardasully member
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    edited July 2012
    Our priest said we could do a Unity Candle if we wanted to but it wasn't written in the booklet that was given to us.  He had written in where the unity candle would go if we were to have one.

    FI and I were indifferent to having one but I didn't want to do one only because my mother has trouble getting around (she lost eyesight in one eye and has depth perception issues) and I didn't want her to struggle going up any steps to the altar or anything.
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  • agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Unity candle was invented on a soap opera. The sign of the unity is the rings, the actual unity happens at the Eucharist. No one should add or subtract anything from a liturgy on their own. The rest of the liturgy is meant for all of the congregation to participate (assist) at, but the unity candle disrupts this and makes them spectators. 

    That being said, many priests allow for it under the idea that it is "cultural" and its not worth making a bride mad over. 
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  • professorscienceprofessorscience member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    PPs are correct.  Unity candle is not a part of Catholic liturgy.  I personally really dislike "unity ceremonies" as a whole, but for some people they are very special and I respect that.  I know that a former mod whose husband was Protestant had a unity candle as a sort of "replacement" for communion, since her husband wouldn't have been able to do that. (No, I am not suggesting that the unity candle replaces communion, but I can't think of a better word).

    There are so many parts of a "traditional" wedding that have no root in any religion it's ridiculous.  If your priest is okay with it, you can certainly do it.  I would just encourage you to think WHY you're doing it.  As a guest, I hate "awkward standing around" moments, so if you can eliminate it, I totally would.

    Also, I like the phrase, "Catholic style."
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  • Elaina1012Elaina1012 member
    10 Comments
    Actually wanted to use the Unity Candle for mothers....But I see everyone's point. Same Church and probably different Pastor. I meet again with the priest in September. ..
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  • lindsaynewbride10lindsaynewbride10 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_unity-candle-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:be3b4614-b297-41fe-9b5c-0a1d148b34dcPost:688185e1-8ee2-4246-ad41-bf3789f480fe">Re: Unity Candle</a>:
    [QUOTE]PPs are correct.  Unity candle is not a part of Catholic liturgy.  I personally really dislike "unity ceremonies" as a whole, but for some people they are very special and I respect that.  I know that a former mod whose husband was Protestant had a unity candle as a sort of "replacement" for communion, since her husband wouldn't have been able to do that. (No, I am not suggesting that the unity candle replaces communion, but I can't think of a better word). There are so many parts of a "traditional" wedding that have no root in any religion it's ridiculous.  If your priest is okay with it, you can certainly do it.  I would just encourage you to think WHY you're doing it.  As a guest, I hate "awkward standing around" moments, so if you can eliminate it, I totally would. <strong>Also, I like the phrase, "Catholic style."
    </strong>Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]

    I wondered about this as well.

    PP's are correct- unity candle's are not really included in the marriage rite, however from what I can tell, most priests will allow it. We did one only because it was kind of a tradition on my Mom's side of the family (protestant).
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  • Riss91Riss91 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    If your pastor won't allow it during the ceremony - you could always do it at the reception.

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  • jenjlgsingsjenjlgsings member
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    I personally dislike the unity candle as the previous posters have already said - you don't need a separate candle to represent your unity.

    We mentioned to our priest that we didn't want to do it and he actually seemd relieved.  He mentioned that if couples really want to do it he encourages them to do it at the rehearsal dinner or reception instead. 

    I'm also curious what you mean by "Catholic style"
    Your ceremony is either Catholic or it isn't.  There isn't "Catholic style"
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  • Riss91Riss91 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_unity-candle-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:be3b4614-b297-41fe-9b5c-0a1d148b34dcPost:1224db6b-a3b3-4ecd-9037-50a156b712a3">Re: Unity Candle</a>:
    [QUOTE]I personally dislike the unity candle as the previous posters have already said - you don't need a separate candle to represent your unity. We mentioned to our priest that we didn't want to do it and he actually seemd relieved.  He mentioned that if couples really want to do it he encourages them to do it at the rehearsal dinner or reception instead.  I'm also curious what you mean by "Catholic style" Your ceremony is either Catholic or it isn't.  There isn't "Catholic style"
    Posted by jenjlgsings[/QUOTE]

    I think she was just being casual-funny....

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  • Resa77Resa77
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I am curious -- if the unity occurs at the Eucharist, then does unity not occur at a non-Mass ceremony?  Never really thought about that before. 

     

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  • professorscienceprofessorscience member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_unity-candle-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:be3b4614-b297-41fe-9b5c-0a1d148b34dcPost:90390364-a285-483d-9ba0-afa4c3db85dc">Re: Unity Candle</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am curious -- if the unity occurs at the Eucharist, then does unity not occur at a non-Mass ceremony?  Never really thought about that before. 
    Posted by Resa77[/QUOTE]

    <div>The real union is the blessing of the marriage and the exchange of rings, which happens in any ceremony, I thought.  I think some people opt to do unity candles when one party is not Catholic (and therefore there is no mass) because for only one member of the couple to participate in communion is DISunitive.</div><div>
    </div><div>And yeah, I was totally being flippant about the "Catholic-style" comment.</div>
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  • agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_unity-candle-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:be3b4614-b297-41fe-9b5c-0a1d148b34dcPost:a95ea3d8-3e18-4228-a8a5-607c2718e92a">Re: Unity Candle</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unity Candle : The real union is the blessing of the marriage and the exchange of rings, which happens in any ceremony, I thought.  I think some people opt to do unity candles when one party is not Catholic (and therefore there is no mass) because for only one member of the couple to participate in communion is DISunitive. And yeah, I was totally being flippant about the "Catholic-style" comment.
    Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]

    <div>I disagree that it is disunitive.</div><div>
    </div><div>For one person of a couple to become closer to God through receiving Him in the Eucharist, this isn't to the detriment or "disunifying" of the couple if the other can't.  This is good for both of them.</div><div>
    </div><div>The mass is the highest form of prayer for Catholics---the source and summit of our faith. When we are in Communion with our Lord and with each other in a very tangible way-- through His flesh... this is a "spiritual consumation" of the marriage that happens at that mass. </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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  • HeatherSP13HeatherSP13 member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    I wasn't planning on doing a unity candle because it isn't actually "Catholic."  And my mom is very shy so I'm nervous for her having to get up in front of people.  BUT then at my first time spending Christmas day at my fiance's parents his mother gave me a unity candle set.  I told priest that and he said we need to do because she gave me the items.  I would say it kinda falls under "American Cultural."
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