so much for happily ever after

missaprilmarie1988 · July 2012

broken engagements SUCK!.... please ladies if you please help with out being hurtful or sarcastic it would be amazing.... im just sick of talking to friends about this... in fact its only been 5 days.... such a long story to explain.... but how do you deal with this. we didnt have any money put into this yet thank god..... im just meaning the hurt, frustrayion when the man you wanted to marry decided to jus do his own thing and leave you with the mess.... uhh too much already, i just im heartbroken, i see the issues on both ends..... just looking for some postive feedback

missaprilmarie1988 · July 2012

just depressed with all crap that led to this on both ends and knowing our future plans are dust now....

AdeleDazeem · July 2012

I agree with cfas.

While it wasn't a broken engagement, my college boyfriend and I had been dating for two years and were quite serious when he suddenly broke up with me at 23. We were young and too serious for our age. We had our careers to line up and seeing the world to do. Our relationship spelled marriage quite easily and he wasn't ready for it. In truth, I wasn't either, but I wasn't clamoring for a proposal. In the end, we broke up and I was devastated.

Years later, I'm here to tell you it was the best thing possible to have ever happened to us. We each made our own life decisions and grew into career adults independently and confidently. I don't want to re-live those times, but I can honestly say that I'm glad it happened and I'm a better person for it.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · July 2012

I wasn't engaged to my ex-boyfriend, but we were together six years and were pretty seriously talking about marriage. But my heart wasn't in it and I needed out. Be thankful that he isn't just sticking around to spare your feelings, because as terrible as that sounds... well. It's kind of easy to fall into that. He's lucky we never got married because he's happier now, and so am I.

Someone close to me ignored her wedding jitters and two days after the wedding she wanted out. You don't want that to happen either.

I'm very sorry this happened to you. It sucks, no doubt, and is very painful. And it's going to be pretty miserable for a while, but I promise, there is life after this. Just keep on keeping on chica.

maratea · July 2012

I'm sorry to hear about this.

It is certainly a very sad and painful time for you. Give yourself time to grieve and mourn the loss of your relationship--that's ok. But think of it like this: better that it was done now before you spent lots of money on a wedding and invested more of yourself in the relationship right?

LesPaul · July 2012

I'm really sorry about this. It hurts. It hurts very much. It is, however, better than marrying somene who isn't right for you.

I used to pray every single day that my exBF would marry me. Thankfully, sometimes the answer to a prayer is 'No'. Now I thank God every day that I didn't marry him - we would probably be divorced by now, with a few years of misery in between.

{{hugs}}

justengaged777 · July 2012

I don't typically post here but doesn't look like you do either, so thought I would go ahead and share, sorry for the drive by.

I had a similar story - at 22 I was engaged and planning a wedding. Somewhere in a long story of my own the grand wedding we were planning got downgraded to a destination wedding, to "not deal with the hassle". Looking back I think we both subconciously knew things weren't going to work out and a destiniation wedding allowed to push back planning. We ended as friends. I moved out of our condo and got an apartment. Then came back and helped pack him up to move across the country to CA, from KY and we put the condo on the market.

Life sucks right now for you - I'm sure. It took me a few years to get over the split. I dealt with it in both healthy and non-healthy ways, i.e. exercising my brains out, adopting a dog and getting hammered on what would have been my wedding date and maybe a few anniversaries afterwards. I leaned on friends and talked/cried till they couldn't take it anymore and then continued to do so.

However, fast forward 5 years, I'm engaged for the 2nd time. I worried that my families/friends wouldn't be happy for me because I had gone through this process once before and it obviously hadn't stuck. I couldn't have been more wrong. I am so thankful that my life is working out how it is. I wouldn't appreciate my current fiance to the measure that I do now had I not gone through the struggles I did with my ex and I can now see that this is exactly where I am supposed to be in life.

Things work out in the end, it may be hard to see through all of the emotions you are feeling now, but I'm sure better things are waiting for you. Give yourself time to heal. 5 days out is still pretty fresh...I feel for you. Keep your head up and take it day by day.

chelseamb11 · July 2012

I can't add much past what everyone else has said. But *hugs*!! It will get better, I promise!

ZombieNates · July 2012

That does suck and I'm sorry you had this sprung on you. I can imagine how hurtful and shocking that can be.

Like others have said, I was in a serious relationship that ended after about 4 years. It took getting out of the relationship for me to see how controlling he was and how it wasn't a good fit for me at all. It was painful when I was going through it, but if I hadn't ended that relationship, I wouldn't be with my husband now.

This relationship wasn't meant to be or maybe wasn't meant to be right now, but you will find the right fit for you. Hang in there!

expats14 · July 2012

It will get better. I had a boyfriend who bought a ring. If things hadn't ended, I wouldn't be with fiancé. More importantly, I wouldn't have learned how to take care of myself, live on my own, move across the world and back, drive a stick shift on heartbreak hill, or stay up until 1 am singing 90's cover tunes and make it in for an 830 presentation. Hugs. Seriously. Curl up. Call your girlfriends, get tea, coffee, soup. Do one small thing every day that makes you happy. Wear fuzzy socks to work under your boots. Wear your good underwear. Then get yourself some serious fun time. I never had fun like I did when I was learning to be again.

achiduck · July 2012

I've been through a broken engagement - it sucks in every single way possible. It's ok to be upset and feel hurt, eat cheesecake, cry to your girlfriends and take the time you need. I promise you it will get easier.

Girlie1030 · July 2012

I'll ditto what most others have said. I've been there, he bailed 6 months before the wedding, I gave back the rock, took the dog and tried to pick up the pieces as best I could. It's horrible to go through, but you WILL get through it. That was 7 years ago and I can honestly say that I am so lucky things worked out like they did. I am happier now than I ever was with him.

Hang in there chica.

kd.joseph · July 2012

I can't add much more that these wonderful ladies havent, but I will say as someone who has been married twice before I can tell you if it wasnt right, he did the best thing for both of you.

Mourn as Mara said, and also reflect as well. I know later in my life I had to take the things that I hated about my first 2 marriages and make sure I didnt repeat it with this one. I tell people I fixed my picker! Now I have a wonderful man who I wouldnt have known if not.

You are still young and have this time to grow, and hopefully find someone down the road who wants to grow with you. Good Luck.

CAB1217 · July 2012

I am so sorry, OP. That is hard. I've been there, too. My ex-FI broke it off through a text message... ON CHRISTMAS. It was hard, but it made way for me to meet my now H, and I've never been happier. I would have been miserable with ex-FI! Hang in there, this is a good thing for you, and it will get better!!!

playtntsbpg30 · July 2012

Sorry to hear this...
I been there as well. I broke it off with him, though I did the leaving it still hurt so much. It did take a long time as well, but even during that time I knew I was better off and it was for the best. Here 2 yrs later I am happier then ever with my boyfriend who I can definitely see marrying one day.
Hang in there, it does get better but on it's on terms not just because you want it to. Some days will be better then others just like in any relationship/life. Try to pick up the pieces of you and your life and just keep moving forward. Go out with your girls and pamper yourself, it will help a little bit.
I also found that it helped writing about how i was feeling and all that came along with the emotions of starting over. And if you have a close friend to vent to, go for it.
Best of luck to you. And I'm sure it's the best for whatever reason, and reasons in these cases you may never know or may not know why for a long time but it will come together.
Keep your head up.

missaprilmarie1988 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_so-much-for-happily-ever-after?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:57807fbd-4713-4356-a61d-5fe662a7d8e7Post:7d48b0f4-8f33-4e4d-9422-703a1e4b691f">Re: so much for happily ever after</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm really sorry about this. It hurts. It hurts very much. It is, however, better than marrying somene who isn't right for you. I used to pray every single day that my exBF would marry me. Thankfully, sometimes the answer to a prayer is 'No'. Now I thank God every day that I didn't marry him - we would probably be divorced by now, with a few years of misery in between. {{hugs}}
Posted by LesPaul[/QUOTE]

lol ya know i prayed to God alot about us... not for help but I put all my faith in Him and said "God if this is right for me only you know so if it is bless it if not its in your hands" Im not overly relgious but do have my beliefs... I guess he knew better then me right...
thanks for the encouragment

missaprilmarie1988 · July 2012

THANK YOU ALL LADIES FOR THE UPLIFTING WORDS!!! Despite it being internet it does still touch me, some of the posts brough tears to my eyes... again thank you. I know I will get through this, ive been through worse.... any suggested books on just growing to be the person you want to be, doesnt have to be relationship driven

well... we had finacial issues with him finding a job when he relocated to be with me... and when he said he was moving back to cali bc he had his old job there i knew deeeep down we couldnt do long distance again... i tried to think "we'll make it work" other issues were his mother... but ultimately he chose to leave and i wasnt gonna be engaged doing an LDR again so i told him if you go we're done, he still chose to go... ive had heartbreak before... in fact the last relationship was 3 1/2 years but very emotionally abusive and that one was soo much easier to conquer.... with cameron, i really was in love, we shared dreams and hope for the furture.... picked out our kids names, blah blah blah... when he decided to just go, i got stuck with the eviction this week bc he hasnt paid his part of rent, i have 5 days to vacate, sell ALL my hard earned furniture and get the hell outta dodge... and the d-bag wont even return calls on how to handle the eviction.... I DEF KNOW THIS IS FOR THE BEST! but it still sucks donkey

so much for happily ever after

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