Guest List Hell

lthom17 · April 2011

Total capacity of our venue is 200. Total number of guests invited = 215. Invites go out in the next month and a half.

There are still a handful of people FI and I want to invite, who ask me about the wedding, and who make me feel horrible for keeping my mouth shut. =/

Worse, I realized there are about 10 people we forgot to include, but who were invited (but couldn't come) to our engagement party, which FI's mom threw us a year and a half ago.

What do I do?? We are only giving plus one's to people in relationships & our bridal party. I thought about excluding cousins on FI's side, but we already addressed the STD's as to the "____ Family", thus the cousins can expect to be invited. Argh...thinking about the people we are leaving out just makes me feel so down and I don't even want to deal with invites anymore.

If anyone has advice or similar guest list grief, my misery loves company.

NOLAbridealmost · April 2011

Oy....

If the formal invites haven't gone out yet, your only real option to comport with etiquette (and avoid a disaster if you have 100% acceptance) is to find a larger venue and get new invites printed quickly, because everyone who got an STD or invite to the E party MUST be invited. Just must.

Now...if a new venue is completely out of the question because of budget/logistics, my advice would be to give no plus-1's to wedding party if they are single and use those spots to invite the 10 who were invited to the E party. And get on the phone with the venue ASAP to find out if switching from sit-down dinner to cocktail style (or some other change) might allow for more space for more bodies.

As far as the people who you want to invite (but who, I am presuming, weren't invited to E party or recipients of STDs) you're just going to have to suck it up and tell them that space/budget LITERALLY is an issue and you can't invite everyone you'd like.

Good luck.

NOLAbridealmost · April 2011

I think saying no plus-1's for the single members of the WP is one of those bitter pills that you are gonna have to swallow right now. I'm sorry! I know this sucks.

Bkseller13 · April 2011

You seem to have two options.
1- Find a larger venue.
2- Cut your guest list. Guilt or no guilt. If you can't invite the extras, don't. Overcrowding your venue is not a good way to go.

LoveMuffins · April 2011

Venue Capacity: 180
Guest List: 189
What I budgeted for: 150

and my mom keeps saying "Well, so and so says her husband definitely won't come, so we can invite this other friend of mine too since he husband won't come either." umm.... wtf. lol. I love her to death, but I'm trying to save her money (she's paying, hence why I don't mind if we're over budget, since the guest list i made kept us under 150, and the extra 39 people are ALL her fault)! and i can't even invite all of the friends I want to invite because we're already inviting like, 15 of her friends, 2 of whom I've never even met!

Sooooo yeah. right there with you. i've never more wished that i could have a B list... because there are about 10 people that i REALLY REALLY REALLY want to invite but CANT because Mom's inviting all of her buddies. but... she's also paying, so i'm not complaining mind... i'm just saying. If enough people said no, i wish it wasn't considered rude to invite the people i wanted to invite in the first place.

aragx6 · April 2011

The people who were invited to your engagement party and those who got STDs simply have to be invited now. If you're over you're going to have to make some difficult cuts other than them.

Guess there's no chance you can change the venue at this point, right?

lyndausvi · April 2011

This problem always amazes me. It's just something I can't comprehend.

I agree with pp... Either get a new venue or cut the list. Those are your only 2 options.

For other brides who may be reading this:

Make up the list then add 10-15% to that number for people you may have forgotten and/or relationships change through out your engagement. Then find your venue. There are ALWAYS people you forget better to be prepared.

It's easier to fit venue to a guest list than fitting a guest list to a venue.

DO NOT send out STD to everyone and their brother. Only send them out to the must invites like family and close friends. That way if your situation changes through out your engagement you are not locked in to having to invite everyone.

lthom17 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2bb18d76-85f0-4338-9d67-2505127abf8aPost:5e3cb1a2-564f-4b4f-9447-9290847ab08c">Re: Guest List Hell</a>:
[QUOTE]I think saying no plus-1's for the single members of the WP is one of those bitter pills that you are gonna have to swallow right now. I'm sorry! I know this sucks.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

Ok thanks NOLA.

P.S. I really wanna visit your city someday! :) :) :)

lthom17 · April 2011

Yeah I can't change the venue without losing the deposit...maybe I should just elope and then move to Mexico forever. That's kind of the direction my life is heading right now.

Is it rude to ask single bridal party members to not bring a guest? That would free up 7 spots...and if people RSVP no, I could always tell BP they could bring a date. However, 4 BP people already told me they don't want to bring anyone, so I'm hoping it will be fun for singles.

I need wine. Now.

wyney · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2bb18d76-85f0-4338-9d67-2505127abf8aPost:3d72f026-4408-4c6c-82ad-bda18fb8ab92">Re: Guest List Hell</a>:
[QUOTE]Y Is it rude to ask single bridal party members to not bring a guest?
Posted by lthom17[/QUOTE]

Etiquette says never to mention who is NOT invited, and I imagine this is true even if that person is a non-specific hypothetical.

Then again, I feel as though the WP members may or may not be guests, depending on your relationship. Though you sould be extra grateful for their contributions (parties, an extra night in a hotel, attire, whatever), they also may be 'behind the scenes' and your sounding board for issues such as these.

It's sort of funny how the WP is often the group of invitees that are exempt from a no-plus ones group...seeing as their usually the least likely to 'need' one. It obviously depends on how your wedding goes, but if you're having an all day wedding party affair with set up, primping, bonding, luncheon, and then they have special tasks all night, their dates could end up by themselves for huge part of the day...in the very situation that plus-ones are meant to prevent.

I think it's fine to make sure they understand you will not be inviting dates for them, so long as you find another way to show your appreciation for their extra attention and they aren't left by themselves for most of the day

GJones27 · April 2011

It's not the end of the world. I have invited 200 people for a venue fitting 160 people. Granted, many of our guests are coming from abroad and will likely be unable to attend, but I'm super nervous since it will be close. My family's disaster plan is to forgot meals ourselves. Plus, some people who RSVP won't necessarily show up on the actual day, so you miiiiight have wiggle room. I wouldn't invite people who are asking about attending.

lthom17 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2bb18d76-85f0-4338-9d67-2505127abf8aPost:d8477f2d-c17c-4351-9e57-c7b06f7b573a">Re: Guest List Hell</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not the end of the world. I have invited 200 people for a venue fitting 160 people. Granted, many of our guests are coming from abroad and will likely be unable to attend, but I'm super nervous since it will be close. My family's disaster plan is to forgot meals ourselves. Plus, some people who RSVP won't necessarily show up on the actual day, so you miiiiight have wiggle room. I wouldn't invite people who are asking about attending.
Posted by GJones27[/QUOTE]

GL to you! I'm sending good karma your way and hoping you will end up with less than 160! :) Just be super rude to 40 of your guests so they no longer want to come? hahaha jk...

Also I'm getting married in Nor Cal too!! yay!

Maggie0829 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2bb18d76-85f0-4338-9d67-2505127abf8aPost:c58d8cd5-289e-4dfa-bd49-263bb73fc9d4">Re: Guest List Hell</a>:
[QUOTE]This problem always amazes me. It's just something I can't comprehend. I agree with pp... Either get a new venue or cut the list. Those are your only 2 options. For other brides who may be reading this: Make up the list then add 10-15% to that number for people you may have forgotten and/or relationships change through out your engagement. Then find your venue. There are ALWAYS people you forget better to be prepared. It's easier to fit venue to a guest list than fitting a guest list to a venue. DO NOT send out STD to everyone and their brother. Only send them out to the must invites like family and close friends. That way if your situation changes through out your engagement you are not locked in to having to invite everyone.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Totally agree with this! You cannot count on people not coming! I never understand why people decide on a venue before they figure out their guest list. If the venue has a limit then don't invite more than that limit! This is also another reason to not send STDs...I know everyone gets excited in the beginning and you want to invite everyone but this is not realistic regarding budget and space. STDs always come back to bite you in the a$$ so just don't do them!

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