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do i register?

id012id012 member
100 Comments Second Anniversary
in Registry and Gift Forum
We are having a tiny wedding 20 ppl at the beach this summer. We would love to have a big shabang but just cant afford it right now and ultimately we just want to get married! So a small wedding it is. The people who are invited are just our parents, siblings, and each of our best friends. FIL offered to host a party a couple weeks after the wedding to celebrate with everyone. Which is great! There will be about 200 people invited. It will just be like a BBQ nothing fancey. Not a "reception" . Also SMIL wants to throw me a shower While i think thats great nd very sweet of her i feel like that is a nono since everyone is not invited to the actual ceremony. Right? So anyway.. while i dont want gifts at the party and i think its a huge nono to have a shower.. do i still register for some stuff? Im sure some ppl will bring gifts anyway. I kind of just want to go nd register because it looks fun! Lol Im tottallllly noy trying to be gift grabby here.
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Re: do i register?

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    Hmmmm...Tricky.  My first thought is to treat your small ceremony as an elopment and the BBQ as a reception, so you could send announcements saying when you officially got married, inviting them to the rehearsal and casually mention where you're registered.  I think having a shower is fine, especially if SMIL doesn't think it's a problem.
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  • MNVegasMNVegas member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    You/SMIL should not invite people to a shower unless they are also being invited to the wedding.  It's fine to have the BBQ, but as you said it should be just that BBQ, not a reception and nothing wedding related. No registry information on the invitations or announcements. Agree you said you don't want to look gift grabby. 

    You could do a very small registry but I would definitely not advertise it to people unless you are specifically asked about gifts. 
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  • precamiesprecamies
    100 Comments
    well... we were in a somewhat similar situation. We are only having a dessert reception right after the ceremony. total of 40 people are coming. at first I didn't feel good about registering either, but several points were made to me:

    1) people will want to give you gifts either way. it's your wedding.
    2) a gift is not a payment for a reception. meaning, it doesn't matter that you're just having a BBQ,
    3) given both of these things, you could make a small registry and not advertise it much, just let people know if they ask. people these days appreciate the ability to get you what you actually need off a list of preferences.
    4) registry does not mean you are expecting or demanding things. it means you are giving hints to the things you would like.

    that being said, I don't believe it would be tacky. but def go with what feels right for you.
    We ended up with a small registry at target and BB&B. no big ticket items, just the little things we could use.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Personally, I would not register because I would be paranoid that people would think I was trying to turn the BBQ into a wedding related party or a second reception.  

    If you want to do a small registry, that's ok, but don't advertise it anywhere or mention it to anyone unless they ask.  I would be specific about making sure that the BBQ host isn't conveying it to the BBQ guests.

    On the shower, you are limited to those invited to the wedding.  You could have one, but it would need to be pretty small.  
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  • id012id012 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    The bbq is a wedding related party tho.. its to celebrate our wedding with all our family and friends..
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  • librababylibrababy
    500 Comments
    I say go for it.  Register and have the shower. I don't see why people who are invited to the bbq party can't go to the shower; after all the bbq party is to celebrate your WEDDING!  Have fun.  I persoally would not think it's tacky and would be honored you thought to include me in some way in the celebration of your marriage.
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  • meganb1977meganb1977 member
    1000 Comments
    I think you're fine to do a small registry because it's likely that some people will want to give you something and it will make it easier for them.  We had people who weren't invited who looked up our registry and were sweet enough to send us something.  As long as it's not mentioned unless someone asks about it, I don't think it's gift grabby.
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  • mfmoore610mfmoore610
    First Comment
    I'm in a VERY similar situation- small wedding, 20 people, parents and siblings only.  I am doing a small registry.  #1- My friends (who are NOT invited to the wedding) have insisted on throwing a shower.  I too was worried about inviting people who aren't invited to the wedding.  Again, my friends insisted, so I stressed I only wanted that group of friends invited (about 10 girls).  #2- People will want to buy gifts.  I assume some people (family/family friends) will ask my mom if I'm registered anywhere.  My mom also talked about doing some sort of party some time after the wedding, once we have pictures back.  People will probably want to bring gifts to that as well.  I also agree that your BBQ is a wedding celebration.
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