October 2012 Weddings

Can't believe the nerve FMIL has right now...

My FMIL wrote FI this lengthly letter about how she thinks we should postpone our wedding and a whole list of reasons why (many of which are selfish on her part).

Our invitations have been out for a month. Our venue, vendors, and honeymoon is already paid for. We have NO desire to delay for any reason, even if it means "getting some of the things we can't afford." She seems to think we have nothing planned, reserved or paid for and that we're giving up all kinds of things that we can't afford. The things we've given up were extravagences that we got realistic about.

Most of the letter was her opinion on what she thinks we should do. She's been trying to get us to change everything about our wedding since day one. She wants us to move the ceremony and reception to a location more convenient to her, to invite only the people she thinks should be on the list (aka her family), and do everything her way. She isn't contributing financially - in fact, she loudly discusses, frequently, how "the bride's family is supposed to pay for the ceremony and reception" conveniently without remembering that in such a case the groom's pays for the honeymoon.

Just ... are you freaking serious?! I'm not even sure what to say or think right now.
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Re: Can't believe the nerve FMIL has right now...

  • I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I would suggest your FI talk to her about the level of her inappropriateness.
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  • Ouch.  I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

    She seriously thinks you should postpone after things have been paid for and invites went out?!  Is she crazy??  What does FI say about all this?  He needs to speak to his mother about this...that is, if she would even listen.

    Good luck with everything.  And remember to smile pretty on your wedding day...you know, as a reminder to her that you didn't budge, you stood your ground and you couldn't be more happier!!!
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  • I also have a very opinionated FMIL.  She would never recommend we postponed our wedding though (what would all of their friends and family think if that happened), but she has continually stated her opinions when we didn't ask for them.  

    I would ignore it or say something to the effect of, "We didn't ask you for your opinion".
  • Sorry that you're dealing with this right now. Agreed that your FI should talk to his mother about how inappropriate she's being. It's posts like this that make me grateful I have the in-laws I do. They are amazing and have done a complete 180 since FI and I were in highschool.
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  • That really is some nerve, especially since she isn't paying for any of it.

    I agree with the PP's though, your fiance should be handling this one.  I'm just sorry you're going through it.
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  • I agree with everyone, FI needs to have a chat w/his mom!!  What does your FI think about it? 

    I also agree with PP that say it makes me grateful for my FMIL, sometimes I think she's too into the wedding.  I'd rather that then not have the support! 
  • I would be really tempted to use much red ink and reply line by line ... But in the end I wouldn't send it ;) I agree - time for FI to sit her down and set her straight. It's frustrating! I'm sure she thinks her reasons are unselfish - maybe even in your 'best interest'. As long as you and FI are on the same page, however, those opinions from her won't weigh in. I hope she is able to hear him. Maybe his attention in that discussion will be all it takes (we can hope)!
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  • edited September 2012
    Wow....I'm so sorry!  She is being beyond ridiculous...just, beyond.  Hugs to you!
  • FI and I live 6 hours from our families, but he called her the other day and bascially told her "thanks for your unsolicited advice, but no. Now stop giving us 'advice.'" Hopefully that will curb that issue, but I'm still incredibly peeved over it.
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