Hi ladies!
The advice here is always phenomenal, and I just want to get complete outsiders' perspectives on this situation.
When FI and I started planning our wedding, we knew we were on our own for paying for the wedding. My parents were not able to contribute, and we knew that, so we planned the wedding we wanted and could afford with no debt. We're very proud of the fact that we've been able to plan this with really good savings and money management. We've got a day that we can be proud of but is just that--one day of our lives. We'll be in good shape after and it's taught us a lot about how we manage things and communicate about big purchases. Overall, a great process for us to go through together.
Here's where the issue is right now: my parents have decided they want to contribute to the wedding. I was hesitant at first, because I had been told by my mom that things were really tight and they wouldn't be able to help us without hurting themselves. So, I was more than a bit surprised and hesitant when the offer came around, so I said, "no, thank you, it's incredibly appreciated, but you've said things were tight, and we're good to go with everything for the wedding".
That was a few weeks ago, and no one said anything until this week. First, my dad called Monday night and offered to pay for my dress, veil and shoes (these have all been bought outright with the exception of the rest of the deposit on the dress). I said, "Wow! Thank you! That's very, very generous!!" and he proceeded to ask me how much the total would be. I gave it to him, and he sounded a bit let down. I told him we were on a budget, and I spent what I could afford on what I wanted for the dress, etc. He came out and said, "well, we wanted to give you more, so can we give you a check for more than that and you can use it towards what you want?" I said (suprised as all get out), "Sure, that's incredibly generous and will definitely help out very much". I told my fiance, who was thrilled, and that was that.
Last night, however, is when things changed. My mom called, and asked if they could just flat out pay for half the wedding. They really felt left out (and if they mean they feel left out financially, I get that part, but they have been with us to the menu tastings, the walk throughs, my dress shopping, everything except the cupcake tasting, that was the only thing they couldn't come to). I said, "if you want to pay half, that's very generous and unexpected, and we are incredibly grateful!" Then the boom lowered. She flat out told me they hate everything about the wedding except the venue and my dress, and they want to change everything. They want me to get a different veil, shoes, flowers, cupcakes, food, etc. She wants to tell me how to wear my hair, makeup, and she wants to change the colors and my girls' dresses. She wants more people invited. She also wants my two girl cousins in the wedding party, and two of my friends in the wedding party out of the wedding party because she doesn't like them.
I *somehow* calmly explained that contracts have been signed with the baker, florist, venue/caterer, photographer, etc. Contracts with deposits have been signed and checks cashed, and there is no way I'd be able to get a great photographer in time to do my wedding, and I'm not comfortable with her changing everything I've planned. I told her that while we'd be grateful for the contribution, if the money comes with strings like that, we cannot accept it. We've planned a wedding we love and can afford, and we can go forward on our own with no issue. I told her I was sorry she didn't like my choice of colors or bridesmaids, but they were my choices and I have to live with them. There was just silence on the other end of the phone, and then she said, "well, I'm sorry we won't be able to enjoy your wedding the way we wanted to" and hung up on me.
I didn't call back, I was too upset. This came completely out of left field. My dad called this morning to say that he still wants to pay for my dress, etc, and he's not sure what happened last night, but "signals got crossed" and what my mom said isn't what they had discussed. I flat out told him I was hurt and embarrassed by what she had said, that it sounded like it was coming from both of them, and that if they can't be proud of what FI and I have planned and that he and I both realize that a wedding is just one day and we're not going overboard, then my dad and my mom need a reality check. I also said I was really offended by the whole situation since they always made it clear I was on my own for paying for it. If they don't like our wedding, that's not my issue.
Was I wrong to be upset? Am I completely losing it? I really have had minimal drama when it comes to this wedding planning, and I thought it was going to stay that way. A few crazy friends acting out, sure, and a vendor that moved to the UK and never called back, but other than that, this was easy. That is, until last night, and I don't want issues with my parents. We normally get along well.
Thoughts???