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May 2013 Weddings
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Holding off on my Save The Dates

Carson386Carson386 member
500 Comments First Anniversary
in May 2013 Weddings

I really want to slap myself for allowing this to happen. When we were doing our guest list, FMIL asked for 10 of her friends (it's 5 couples) to be included. I told her I wasn't sure and we could put them on the "b-list" because we were inviting immediate family and our closet friends first due to us paying on our own. My parents offered to assist with paying. Which was very generous of them. FMIL offered to help pay as well and told us how much she would give. After adding in what they offered and what we could afford, we figured FMIL could invite  those couples. I haven't sent out my STDs yet, and I'm holding off because she has informed us that she is no longer paying for anything. Which is ok, but not we can't afford her friends now. Since my parents are helping, I'm not going to tell them that I'm cutting their family out, any suggestions?

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Re: Holding off on my Save The Dates

  • PJBHL5PJBHL5
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    I'm sorry but it's your wedding. Your money. Your guestlist.
    If they want to contribute, I'd happily include a hand full of people they want, but that's it. I'd set a finite limit "You have 10 invites. Choose wisely" kind of thing...
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  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    I guess I would let all parties know of three things- your venue's capacity, x number of people you can afford to invite and how many people are on the list so far. I'd also figure out how much each guest 'costs' as far as food, drink, decor etc. so you can say that inviting couples a, b, c, and d is going to cost an extra whatever amount of money. 

    I've found that laying it out like that makes people back off as far as insisting on people to invite. Your FMIL just might not know how much things cost and once you let her know she may backtrack.
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  • PJBHL5PJBHL5
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    I agree with SS. Think about it like a business. What are the total costs per guest (invite, rsvp card, postage, food, drinks, rental plates, silverware, glasses, table cloth, chairs, chair covers, decor, portion of the dj, portion of the photographer, portion of the venu fee, etc) ... tell her that
    Jackie (Photographer by trade) & Patrick (Military Police Officer)
    May 18, 2013
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  • MamaBear904MamaBear904 member
    500 Comments
    I agree. It sucks that she's going back on her original committment to you. That makes me mad. But you are not wrong for holding back and I would consider them removed and say to her that at $X per person, you just cannot afford to include these people.
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  • augureyaugurey
    100 Comments
    I wholeheartedly agree with PP, especially with giving her a total of what it would cost to invite those people. It's so easy for her to say she wants those 10 people (and not contribute) when you'll have to be the one to spend probably a lot for those 10 people.

    Do you know the people that she is wanting to invite?

    It makes for a difficult situation as you shouldn't have to cut people that you want to be there just so she can have them there (esp if she's not contributing).
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  • Carson386Carson386 member
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    I do not know any of the people, they are her co-workers/good friends. FI knows who they are, but its not like its "Aunt so and so", it's "Mrs.X". My mom has 2 co workers that she is inviting with their spouses, but they have been my moms best friend's since before I was born and they are my "aunts" so I think that's a little different in that situation. I totaled up the numbers and it's definitely not looking cheap to have 10 people there. It seemed like a small number until I multiplied it by 10 though.
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