Wedding Etiquette Forum

Rules for asking for money instead of gifts?

Hi everyone,
                     My Fiance and I have everythig we need and truly do not need to register for gifts. Can I get any advice on the right ways/options to ask our guests to give us money instead of gifts. We are looking for ways to set an online account with a link on our website in order to make it easier and faster. Please give me some feedback. TY!

Re: Rules for asking for money instead of gifts?

  • Don't do it.  If you want money, don't register, people will generally get the point.  And some people refuse to give cash, so they will buy you something regardless.
  • If you have everything you need, why do you need money?
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rules-for-asking-for-money-instead-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a7e3721-c23f-4266-a322-d8a1b7b56318Post:1e083bdc-e596-4463-be50-16d7dfac19a9">Re: Rules for asking for money instead of gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you have everything you need, why do you need money?
    Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

    <div>I wondering the same thing.</div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rules-for-asking-for-money-instead-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a7e3721-c23f-4266-a322-d8a1b7b56318Post:1e083bdc-e596-4463-be50-16d7dfac19a9">Re: Rules for asking for money instead of gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you have everything you need, why do you need money?
    Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

    cew for the win!

  • If you don't need gifts just consider yourself blessed and lucky you have everything you need. Don't assume it means you get to have a fundraiser associated with your wedding instead.  Don't register, don't have showers, and if anyone asks what you want tell them you really have everything you need. Some will give money, some will give a gift anyway, and some will skip a gift all together.
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    There is nothing ever polite about begging your friends and family for money. 
  • Ummm leave a hat out, do some tricks, and then people will know you are begging for money.  Seriously, don't ask for money ever.  You shouldn't be expecting that your guests will give you any type of present, which is why you don't tell them what to get you or not to get you.

    May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations

    image

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  • There is only one rule on this topic: DON'T.
  • Are you talking about putting a PayPal link on your wedding website?

    Klassy.

  • My goodness!!!  I have to throw my two cents in here....    I don't think that you should say "cash" or "money" but rather give it a purpose of what you want the cash for.  It is acceptable (and I've been to many weddings that did this and it was fine!) to set up a registry through honeyfund.com, or honeymoonpixies.com, or myregistry.com because each item you put in would be something you what or maybe need like new appliances or new furniture or if you have a honeymoon coming up then special excursions or dinner for two, etc.  This is definitely more modern but has been very acceptable.  I do agree with the posts, some people will see that you don't have a registry and they will just go ahead and either give you cash in a card or will buy you something you don't need at all but is pretty or practical. 

    The bottom line that you need to remember is that even if you don't want or need anything at all, people still want to give you something.  And for weddings, most people prefer to give you something special rather than cash. 
    Anniversary Follow Me on Pinterest
    rachel&liv2015
  • Do NOT listen to Bonnie27. Honeymoon registries are incredibly tacky and rude. A honeymoon is not required so if you and your groom want one, pay for it yourself. And just like the PPs said, have a small registry and let your family and wedding party you're saving up for X IF they are asked.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rules-for-asking-for-money-instead-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a7e3721-c23f-4266-a322-d8a1b7b56318Post:1e083bdc-e596-4463-be50-16d7dfac19a9">Re: Rules for asking for money instead of gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you have everything you need, why do you need money?
    Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]
    Exactly what i was going to post.
    image
  • handheldhandheld member
    10 Comments
    edited July 2012
    I find most people think its rude dunno why in this economy why wouldnt you want 20$ instead of the toaster. A friend of my FI, said in her invitations "the fact that you have this invite means the box is gone so  there is a lovely empty space on our floor! no gifts please however we are saving for our honey moon in scotland." I thought it was cute, but Im sure most of the ladies on this board would have been insulted by it. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker There is no right or wrong way to have a wedding.
  • handheldhandheld member
    10 Comments
    edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rules-for-asking-for-money-instead-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a7e3721-c23f-4266-a322-d8a1b7b56318Post:258f285a-03a9-4c17-bb43-82a1d935e60e">Re: Rules for asking for money instead of gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rules for asking for money instead of gifts? : You don't know why it's rude to ask your guests for money? It's rude to ask/expect any type of gift at any time and weddings are no difference. Your friends were wrong to put their "cute" little message on their invitations.
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    <div>What makes them wrong? People are going to give gifts anyway weather you expect it or not, why is it less rude to simpley say what they need rather then get things they cant use and return them. I think its rude to return things. Its the posters wedding not yours, It was our friends wedding not yours, its my wedding not yours. If you are offended well I guess its a good thing you weren't and aren't invited to any of these weddings isn't it? Personally I think people who attack others on these boards rather then offering constructive advise are more rude then any bride with a cash bar or a request for montary gifts.  </div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker There is no right or wrong way to have a wedding.
    rachel&liv2015
  • We do not want gifts either. I come frorm a italian family and it is customary to only give money. For his side and friends who dont know this we are just not registering anywhere. We were at a family dinner and my cousins wife asked us where we were registering and my FI said bank of america as a joke but htem my family discussed the italian traditon, she is czech so her family has always done gifts. People will be bringing gifts I would assume anyways but not regerstering tells them we dont want gifts just cash. if they bring a gift I am fine with that its the thought that counts and i know some wont even bring one at all! I understand the whole dont need things. when you live together you basically have all the things you need so maybe if u feel that you should registar just registar for some upgraded things.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rules-for-asking-for-money-instead-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a7e3721-c23f-4266-a322-d8a1b7b56318Post:26ba5c39-f0f6-4894-b1b9-8ec92e96aba6">Re: Rules for asking for money instead of gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I find most people think its rude dunno <strong>why in this economy</strong> why wouldnt you want 20$ instead of the toaster. A friend of my FI, said in her invitations "the fact that you have this invite means the box is gone so  there is a lovely empty space on our floor! no gifts please however we are saving for our honey moon in scotland." I thought it was cute, but Im sure most of the ladies on this board would have been insulted by it. 
    Posted by handheld[/QUOTE]
    It was rude to ask for cash during The Great Depression, too. The economy hasn't ever been overly stellar for everyone at any point in history. It's always rude to call yourself a charity case when holding a wedding.<div>If you're going to use the money to buy a toaster, then why ask for the cash, instead of the toaster?</div><div>And if you don't need a toaster, don't ask for a toaster? Obviously.</div>
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rules-for-asking-for-money-instead-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a7e3721-c23f-4266-a322-d8a1b7b56318Post:f33a4e29-4fad-4395-83bd-3174b12157ab">Re: Rules for asking for money instead of gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My goodness!!!  I have to throw my two cents in here....    I don't think that you should say "cash" or "money" but rather give it a purpose of what you want the cash for. <strong> It is acceptable (and I've been to many weddings that did this and it was fine!) to set up a registry through honeyfund.com, or honeymoonpixies.com, or myregistry.com </strong>because each item you put in would be something you what or maybe need like new appliances or new furniture or if you have a honeymoon coming up then special excursions or dinner for two, etc.  This is definitely more modern but has been very acceptable.  I do agree with the posts, some people will see that you don't have a registry and they will just go ahead and either give you cash in a card or will buy you something you don't need at all but is pretty or practical.  The bottom line that you need to remember is that even if you don't want or need anything at all, people still want to give you something.  And for weddings, most people prefer to give you something special rather than cash. 
    Posted by Bonnie27[/QUOTE]

    Just because people do it doesn't make it acceptable. Asking for money is rude no matter how you dress it up.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rules-for-asking-for-money-instead-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a7e3721-c23f-4266-a322-d8a1b7b56318Post:3608ea57-bd5f-4217-aef7-5efa0868d65b">Re: Rules for asking for money instead of gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rules for asking for money instead of gifts? : It was rude to ask for cash during The Great Depression, too. The economy hasn't ever been overly stellar for everyone at any point in history. It's always rude to call yourself a charity case when holding a wedding. If you're going to use the money to buy a toaster, then why ask for the cash, instead of the toaster? And if you don't need a toaster, don't ask for a toaster? Obviously.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Nobody said you were going to use the money for the toaster, the money could be used to you know pay bills? buy groceries. Not everyone is having a super eleborate wedding. It is my opinon that it is not rude simple it is your opinion that it is and all I can say to that is  Im sorry that you are so easily offended. </div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker There is no right or wrong way to have a wedding.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rules-for-asking-for-money-instead-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a7e3721-c23f-4266-a322-d8a1b7b56318Post:ddf71d43-7a86-4123-80c6-6f2154704e3f">Re: Rules for asking for money instead of gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rules for asking for money instead of gifts? : Nobody said you were going to use the money for the toaster, the money could be used to you know pay bills? buy groceries. Not everyone is having a super eleborate wedding. It is my opinon that it is not rude simple it is your opinion that it is and all I can say to that is  Im sorry that you are so easily offended. 
    Posted by handheld[/QUOTE]
    How elaborate your wedding is or isn't doesn't matter. You're literally suggesting asking your friends and family to pay your bills for you because you can't afford to. When is it ever okay or wise to do that?<div>We could all use some help with bills, but you should figure out a way to pay for your own bills or push back the wedding date.</div>
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rules-for-asking-for-money-instead-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a7e3721-c23f-4266-a322-d8a1b7b56318Post:bef55aef-3d0f-40e3-9ba3-209a9a9ec201">Re: Rules for asking for money instead of gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Do NOT listen to Bonnie27. Honeymoon registries are incredibly tacky and rude. A honeymoon is not required so if you and your groom want one, pay for it yourself. And just like the PPs said, have a small registry and let your family and wedding party you're saving up for X IF they are asked.
    Posted by JordanF13[/QUOTE]

    <div>HOnestly, and I am sure I am going to get comments for saying this, is the ONLY place I have ever been that is consistently against the honeymoon registry is this forum.  I have been to numerous weddings where they have used a honeymoon registry and a regular.  I have been part of the wedding party all the way to a guest who knew no one, and I have NEVER heard anyone make a comment about not liking the registry or being offended by the honeymoon registry.  I am, in fact, using the 2 registries.  I have had a couple of people ask how it works (I used honeyfund) and they are fully aware they print out a voucher and include it with their check if they use the honeymoon one.  Some people like it, others hate it.  If it works for you, it is fine.</div>
    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rules-for-asking-for-money-instead-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a7e3721-c23f-4266-a322-d8a1b7b56318Post:9fecfdc7-97d0-457b-9a5b-9844672228e4">Re: Rules for asking for money instead of gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rules for asking for money instead of gifts? : HOnestly, and I am sure I am going to get comments for saying this,<strong> is the ONLY place I have ever been that is consistently against the honeymoon registry is this forum. </strong> I have been to numerous weddings where they have used a honeymoon registry and a regular.  I have been part of the wedding party all the way to a guest who knew no one, and I have NEVER heard anyone make a comment about not liking the registry or being offended by the honeymoon registry.  I am, in fact, using the 2 registries.  I have had a couple of people ask how it works (I used honeyfund) and they are fully aware they print out a voucher and include it with their check if they use the honeymoon one.  Some people like it, others hate it.  If it works for you, it is fine.
    Posted by lauraanne9[/QUOTE]
    That's probably because this forum focuses on the proper etiquette aspect of a wedding.
    image
  • I have heard that if you register for just a few things that happen to be expensive that people will likely give you cash instead. The link to website where people can make payments does strike me as a bit improper, but we do live in modern times, and really, who is going to care...one thing a friend of mine did that I was sceptical about but that I ended up liking was purchasing specific events for their honeymoon. I bought them a cave-tubing experience, and they posted pictures on Facebook afterwards, and that made me happy :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rules-for-asking-for-money-instead-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6a7e3721-c23f-4266-a322-d8a1b7b56318Post:0de4eab9-13e6-431c-932f-5dc88564fbf3">Re: Rules for asking for money instead of gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have heard that if you register for just a few things that happen to be expensive that people will likely give you cash instead. The link to website where people can make payments does strike me as a bit improper, but we do live in modern times, and really, who is going to care...one thing a friend of mine did that I was sceptical about but that I ended up liking was purchasing specific events for their honeymoon. I bought them a cave-tubing experience, and they posted pictures on Facebook afterwards, and that made me happy :)
    Posted by starael[/QUOTE]

    <div>When you put money into a honeymoon fund for your friend, the company takes a percentage of what you give as a fee. So if you for example spent $200 for this cave-tubing trip, they only received $180. They don't get the full amount you spent. If you wanted to give them money then that's what you should've done. Hence honeymoon registries = rude and tacky.</div>
  • OP, I wouldn't just straight up ask for money. We made a small registry and told our parents that we were saving up for new furniture. When people asked them, they spread the word, and we ended up mostly with gift cards and cash. Guests are smart; they will get the hint if you have a small registry, or don't have one at all.
  • and some men actually married your rude a** ladies smh........its not what you say its how you say it......you b*tches need a life
  • handheldhandheld member
    10 Comments
    edited July 2012
    I dont think mean is proper. 

    also registering...is totally asking for things. If you registered you asked for things you made a list of things you wanted people to buy you. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker There is no right or wrong way to have a wedding.
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