Need to vent...

Woodsy62 · August 2010

So I have been really trying to get into wedding mode but its been hard -

Like I told you guys about a week ago, my fiance and I work together and we were told by our CEO that one of us has to leave since we are getting married...so on top of wedding planning I also must look for a new job. My fiance travels a lot with work so he has been away almost every week and will be away most of Sept. and Oct...so I feel alone with this.

On top of that we had decided that I would move into his condo so that we can save more money for the wedding...so I have to worry about moving as well.

Sorry, just needed to vent! I am feeling very frustrated and so much pressure!

chrisnjay2010 · August 2010

take a deep breathe! all of what you just said are huge separate events and its alot to handle especially with your FI being away! I can imagine it would be hard to get into wedding planning. Everything will get done. How quickly do you have to find a new job? What field are you in? Maybe you can put the wedding planning to rest of a bit. It will all work out *hugs* we are always here for venting!

Woodsy62 · August 2010

Thank you so much! I work in marketing...and I would like to find something as soon as possible. (Dont want to stay at this place after ive seen how unprofessional they handle these type of situations!)

chrisnjay2010 · August 2010

i agree on you not wanting to stay there, i remember your previous post about the situation. I was going to say if you were in accounting/finance, I could give you the name of a headhunter. I'm sure you will find something! The economy does seem to be picking up.

On the bright side, you are moving in with your FI- seriuosly how exciting is that!!! It will be worth the added stress

SandDD · August 2010

I know how this must feel so jarring all at once. I would focus first on finding a new job and speaking to a lawyer. I still think its absurd that one of you have to quit. Next, you can think about the move. Maybe get organized so that you can easily run through things with FI in between business trips.

I would forget about wedding planning until things settle down. Believe me, you can plan the wedding rather quickly (I'm currently planning a huge gala for work in 4 months!)

Just take things one item at a time, one day at a time and you will get through it!

mrsredmoose · August 2010

I'm sorry. I hope this comes back to bite them in the ass, and I hope you get a better job that you love more than this one (and that your FI gets head hunted and leaves them screwed).

Good luck with the move!- although the timing isn't the best, it's wonderful that you'll be with your partner more when he is in town.

Bat937 · August 2010

I didn't see your original post on the subject so forgive me if this has been covered already. Does your employer have a written policy on married couples in the workplace? Have you been told you will be fired / let go once you are married, is there a grace period for you to find another job? I'm just curious as to how this was all presented, at the very least you should be entitled to unemployment if you can't find another job by their deadline.

I am also sorry this is all happening at once. Don't look at the wedding planning as another item on the list, use it as a distraction from everything else. I too was packing, moving and changing jobs during my engagement and the wedding planning was something to look forward to when things got crazy - "I don't want to do anymore packing, I'm going to look at invites...."

Woodsy62 · August 2010

Thanks guys for all your support!

Bat937 - There is absolutely nothing in the policy on office relationships or marriages. (part of my job is working on the policy manual so I know it inside out). This is something that "they are going to impliment moving forward" they told me. So it was not in the policy when either of us were hired. They are creating it now, I guess because of us.

They didnt give me a deadline but said "I should start looking and making descisions" and that "there can not be a married couple working in this office". So technically did not give me a deadline but in a round about way did. (I guess that was to cover their butts?)

I would also like to mention that when they heard we were engaged my boss announced it to the whole office and paraded me around laughing and carrying on....then all of a sudden we are told it cant happen. Very strange.

Bat937 · August 2010

I would make them put it in writing that they are letting you go because you are marrying a co-worker and force them to give you a date. I would also check with a labor attorney or the DOL to find out my options. You don't have to give your name or company.
I could see them not wanting married people to be boss/subordinate or even in the same dept but at the same company. that seems a little much to me.

TerriandJoe · August 2010

I never responded to your other post. But definitely talk to a lawyer or someone who deals with employee relations. Maybe since your FI travels so much it might help, if you want to stay with them. Maybe they could "grandfather" your relationship in and allow it?

But if they let you go, make sure they put it in writing. and somewhere add the fact that this is a "new" rule moving forward that wasn't around when you started.

That's crazy. But when your FI is back I'm sure that he can help with moving aspect. And, like Bat said, make the wedding planning a "fun" activity to focus on when you need a break.

Good luck. Really hope things get better!

MYLOVE315 · August 2010

I personally think something is more underlying w/ that so called boss of yours. Especially how he reacted when you got engaged. I work in a big fortune 500 company and I can't begin to tell you the amount of relationships/marriages that have happened out of there and while to a degree it is somewhere written about office relationships I've never heard of anyone being let go because of getting engaged. This is just the woman coming out in me and nothing against your FI but why is it YOU that needs to find another job? Is he more of a revenue based employee? Was this your bosses choice? I know this may sound weird -- are you absolutely sure he didn't have a thing for you? The quick turnaround of the events and the policy that isn't even in place could realllllly get him into a lot of trouble.
I'm no lawyer but do come from a cop family and something just doesn't jive here.

Anyway, the best thing for you to do - because the situation is so toxic and so is that atmosphere - then get the hell out of there but do it on YOUR TERMS....again the man should've checked on the legalities of all that he has done and bascially I think you can have him where you want him. You can make your demands just get some guidance from a lawyer if you can before you decide to have a sit down with him. Also make sure there is another person present -- HR perhaps so you're not alone w/ him in this room. I'm sure the last thing you want to do is have to go and talk to a lawyer over all on this because of the wedding and moving but for principle alone....this is suppose to be the happiest time in your life and this Ahole just threw a wrench into your plans and that just stinks. Remember karma is a bitch.

Take control of your situation. There's not better feeling of being empowered by taking the bull by the horns. We as women are great multi-taskers...YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!

In the meantime - spruce up your ressie...start funnelling it out there. I do agree you need to get everything in writing - not sure if you can be up for a severance pkg? Depending on how long you've been there? And of course the unemployment that will help a little.

Listen I'm right there with you...I have to move in w/ my FI as well to save $$$ for the wedding. I'm moving from a relatively huge 2 fam house that I invested in w/ my sister and brother in law to a small tiny cottage w/ my FI. There's a whole lot of pros and cons to why I'm moving but I get his feelings on the privacy part - its my family and my part of the house really is ideal for a single person not a married couple but all the same it is stressful on me as well. So I'm taking one for the team if you will haha. Bite the bullet you'll do it and once you settle into the condo you can foucs more & more on the wedding. Right now your basket is full and no doubt its verrryyy overwhelming but once you sort your eggs out of your baskets the stress will lighten and you will be in full blown mode of planning a wedding.

Have you set a date yet? Is it going to be a big wedding? Being part of this board was a HUGE relief for me. It helps you narrow your searches down and all your queries are answered always! The girls here are FABULOUS! So use this as a tool and you'll see how seamless your wedding plans become.

I wish you ALL the best. Noone deserves this but you certainly don't when its suppose to be the happiest time of your life. It will be. In time you'll look back and say how did I do this? Just remember when life gives you lemons :-) haha show em what you got! Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe in that. Spread your wings and fly to another place that will appreciate you and not judge you by your status! Best of luck. Many many blessings to you!

-Lee

Woodsy62 · August 2010

You are all so great! It feels good to have support.

They did not give me a date I have to leave, also, they did not "fire" me. My CEO simply said, "We can not have a married couple in this office, we just cant have it. So no timeline, no one is holding a gun to your head...but you need to start making decisions and looking and figuring out who is going to leave."

That is basically what he said. I decided that I would leave because I am not happy there anyway and I have an entry level position, whereas my FI has been there almost 8 years and makes a very good salary. I think eventually he will leave to, just not right now. (Keep in mind I am NOT his subordinate and we do not even work in the same department)

We really need to go talk to a lawyer and see what our options are. My FI I think doesnt want to "rock the boat" and risk losing his job while we are planning a wedding, so he has been reluctant to go talk to a lawyer. But I want to.

I agree that there is a underlying reason for all this. Im not sure what it is but perhaps another employee came with him and was not happy with the engagement or maybe it is a fiscal thing and they want to get rid of someone for money reasons but dont have the balls to do it directly. Who knows.

Meanwhile, they are telling us "how happy they are for us" and "this is not a reflection of our work" and "they love us and a couple" What the H />????

chrisnjay2010 · August 2010

what the h??? is right!

manda26 · August 2010

thats crazy! Even my job has a 'policy' on relationships and it says one person would be moved to another dept if the previous arrangement would cause the 2 people to work together / for one another in any way, and only if that couldn't be worked out then someone would have to leave. It also says that it does not apply to anyone that was in a relationship prior to the policy that someone would have to leave (although the 'reporting to' is still not allowed understandably.

thats BS

I hope everything works out, try to take one thing at a time.

MYLOVE315 · August 2010

Down right bizzare.

I understand your FI not wanting to rock the boat but its so fricken wrong on so many levels. I really feel for you. Go with your gut. You will do what's right.. During these crazy economic times its not that easy to find a job.
Fingers crossed you will find one in no time!

I give you credit for walking in there everyday. As my best friend always says....Head up & boobs out!!! ....Here's hoping you walk right out of there into a fantastic job that deserves you!

Take good care of yourself! You're what's important not this CEO who seems to have his head up his a_ _ !!!!!

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