Technology & Guest photos at the wedding?

Tanq&Tonic · July 2011

Read an interesting article this morning that got me thinking, so I thought I would share.

http://offbeatbride.com/2011/06/unplugged-wedding

I think I'm a combination of old school & new school. We had no issues with our guests taking photos -- and in fact, set up a flickr account so they could all upload their gems. The article talks about technology preventing guests from really being in the moment, but for us at least, photos are a key part of "being there".

However, I hate Facebook and the idea that photos of the very private, intimate wedding could be posted before the ceremony was even over. So we asked our friends to please not post any photos on Facebook -- some were a little miffed at that. (FWIW, DH and I have never shared our wedding photos on FB either, and our photog did, but we asked him to untag us.)

I'm curious how y'all feel about this?

FSForever · July 2011

We aren't sharing any of our wedding info on FB because I just don't thinks its appropriate to share something intimate with people I may have as "friends" but never see or really have a relationship with. To be honest I never thought of photos during the actual ceremony going live. I will definately need to talk to our kids about this one. I can just see each of them clicking away and before we even get to the reception the pics being available.
Just had a vision of our 4 daughters juggling parasols, bouquets and their iphones during the ceremony. Ugh need to give these girls more to hold. LOL

fabutan · July 2011

Interesting article, Tanq! Admittedly, I'm kinda anti-FB...I'm the only one amongst my friends who don't have an FB account! No MSN either... (but admittedly, it's very difficult to resist!) We (especially DH) are very private ppl. I'm very old school and still occasionally write paper letters to friends...I'd prefer to mail hard copy photos than electronic ones!

FB feels impersonal at times...I don't like the idea that someone can see all my personal stuff without being regularly in touch. I think it discourages personal interactions... I personally don't mind our photos appearing on vendor blogs, but DH feels uncomfortable with it.

Funny enough, this messageboard is the exception to the rule...it's the first (and only) one that I've contributed to. But that's because you girls are so totally awesome! ;-)

sparklegirl84 · July 2011

Thanks for posting this! I bookmarked it and sent it to FI to read. I am slightly torn because we have friends & coworkers who specifically asked if we would tag pics the day of for them to see. I really don't like tagging & want my professional pics to be viewed not a bunch of crappy cell phone shots, if all these people tag away our fb friends will get sick of seeing pics by the time the pro ones are ready. Im going to make a sign by our guest book or have our pastor say something about keeping phones off. As for their own cameras idk, i dont wanna be a dictator with all these rules. I want it to be fun not stuffy. Although it would be more fun for our guests if they were enjoying the moment and not looking at a screen! I should add something like that to the sign.

motoLyn · July 2011

I remember reading this article over on the NEY board. I'm not against FB, maybe that's because I'm an over sharing kind of person. BUT I would agree to asking guests not to post pics till later on. During the day of I think everyone should be enjoying the moment. Not having their phones attached to their hands. I actually can't think of any of my guests that would take photos with their cell phones or anyone that would object to my request of not posting pics the day of. Thanks for bringing up the topic Tanq, I'm interested in hearing what other brides have to say.

Tanq&Tonic · July 2011

RIGHT! I don't mind the cameras so much. If our guests prefered to experience the wedding by recording it in photo/video, so be it. They were invited to participate, and I'm OK with them keeping the memories for themselves. Of course, it's pretty funny to me that 75% of the photos of my MIL are of her gawking at the screen of the FLIP camera she got last year, versus enjoying the da.

On the other hand, realtime Facebook updates just totally creep me out for so many of the reasons described above -- and honestly, I've seen my contacts post some of the most intimate moments. Like, "First Kiss!" mid-ceremony. Posted. Before the recessional is over. That's just not OK for me, and frankly, not OK regardless if it's before / after / ten years after the wedding.

I don't mind if a friend blogs about it, without pics of our vows or faces. We had a friend write about how it was everything a wedding should be -- small, intimate, great food, great location. Clearly, no problems with that.

In contrast, our photographer actually markets heavily via their blog and FB. I had more than 1 emotional breakdown over how public our photos got despite our ongoing insistence that we wanted to remain private. 50 comments and likes on FB by random strangers...really, just not cool. I don't care how pretty you think the photos are, it's OUR LIFE.

Of course, I know I'm extreme. You ladies can tell based on how I am even here...and I would say I share a ton more here than I do on FB or anywhere else.

maui2011 · July 2011

Great post Tanq, you helped me reach a decision and i will speak with my FI to get his take on this tonight hopefully. I never thought of this till i read a post somewhere about it a few weeks ago and then forgot all about it till now. Tanq is it your second paragraph that changed my mind.

At first i was like why...i've taken many pics at weddings with my pocket cam...usually because we never get the professional photos and i would like a few photos to commemorate the event. However, we are getting the rights to all of our photos on dvd which we can then share with everyone. So really why do my guests need to take there own pics...this is just my thinking. Plus i HATE getting my pic taken and so does my FI and i am one of the few people left in this world...where FB exists...that does not have a FB account. I SOOO hate when my friends post pics of me or us together on FB...one i don't like it and two i never gave them my permission to post my photo...okay getting of topic...sorry.

Ok...i'm back...other than providing my guests with professional photos of the ceremony...as it is only the ceremony that i would not want them to photograph...i also do not want anyone in the way of our photogs...we'll have two plus two videographers...maybe three... so it can get a little crowed...or being part of the photo with us. Thus, these are my three reasons why i do not want anyone to take photos of our ceremony. I really hope our guests understand and respect our wishes...only time will tell. If my FI has issues with this then i will update y'all. Oh, i will put it in our wedding program...will now have to update it now...and ask the minister to talk about it before the ceremony commences as well.

I know this is a new way of thinking...well for my family and friends...but my BMs at least know that i am far from being the conventional bride. J. :-)

Tanq&Tonic · July 2011

FWIW, we had 40 guests, and I think 25 SLRs present. Photogs had 4, videographers had 3 or 4, and many guests brought 1, sometimes 2. It was kind of ridiculous. I think everyone was trying to be nice, since they've asked us to shoot photos at their weddings before, but still, if that's what being a celebrity feels like, I am thankful for my quiet, uninteresting life

That's a good point about making the pro photos available. We haven't done that yet!

fabutan · July 2011

I totally agree with everyone - I think we're all thinking along the same lines. However, I have mixed feelings about 'how' to actually convey that message to guests...or how to even control what guests can and cannot do during a wedding.

I don't do facebook, twitter, or any social networking. However, I know as a guest, if I saw a message/sign from a couple saying "please refrain from taking photos of our ceremony" or "please don't...<do this and this>...", I would feel kinda weird about it, y'know? I'd automatically wonder "why not?"

Especially for destination weddings, where guests are paying a lot to attend, I would feel uncomfortable with telling them what they can or cannot do. I totally get that it's our day and it should be what we want it to be. But clearly spelling out restrictions feels kind of impolite/rude... At least I'd think the couple was borderline control freakish...maybe it's just me!

DH and I are really picky/obsessed about privacy... We didn't explicitly tell (i.e. ban) guests or vendors from posting material about our wedding. However, our guests aren't bloggers or the obsessive social networking type in the first place...so we were lucky there. I guess it depends on what your guests are like... If we did have an obsessive blogger/FB-user in the group, I probably would've conveyed the message indirectly via a mutual friend/relative/guest....i.e. via word-of-mouth. I wouldn't feel comfortable with having signage or printing it somewhere. It might spoil the relaxed mood or guests might take it negatively....

In the case of vendors (like Tanq's), they're being hired by the couple, so I think they should secure consent with the couple before anything can be posted in a public domain. And they should respect their client's wishes. We ran into problems with our florist, because she totally blogged about our wedding without asking us first...and even hired a separate photog to take detail photos (i.e. including things she didn't even make) without our consent! We had MAJOR issues with that. I get the argument about intellectual property or what a vendor makes is their work...but if they're being hired and paid by a client, I think the client gets a say in what can be used for essentially advertising purposes. So I totally sympathize with you, Tanq - my DH would've definitely had an emotional breakdown if that happened to us!

Fortunately, our photog has been really awesome at clearing stuff with us first, but other vendors, not so much... We're 100% ok if things are done with our CONSENT and KNOWLEDGE! I'm so shocked that some vendors don't understand/respect that...

Sorry this was long! hehe

Interesting and very relevant discussion though!

sparklegirl84 · July 2011

Great point fabutan, maybe a sign would be a bit much. I definitely don't want to ruin the mood or be bridezilla-ish. I'll see if one of my bridesmaids can say something as guests enter or maybe the pastor? Im going to make fb 'tagged' photos private and unviewable to everyone on fb. Maybe then we wont have to say anything at all. We have a lot of young people coming who are all about fb tagging & are glued to their phones.

breaness · July 2011

We had friends live-tweeting our proposal.

I'm sure you all know the story by now, but FI proposed to me on set at the TV studio where we met, and our friends and family were all in a catering room down the hall watching the live stream as it happened. I had friends who were tweeting about my responses to the interview questions leading up to the proposal (how was I supposed to know that when I said working at the Apple store wasn't a career move, I would have coworkers sitting there watching this happen live?) and taking pictures and video that were posted on twitter before I even got down the hall to know they were there.

Our ceremony is just us and our parents, all of which are technologically challenged, so we're not going to have this issue. I'm going to probably post one or two photos on FB from my iPhone or DSLR from the day of before we get our pro pics, but I agree with Heather-- I don't want FB overloaded with crappy iPhone pics before we get our pro pics.

I'm also very picky with my facebook friends. I recently started adding girls from the DW board (awww) but other than that, everyone on my facebook list is someone I'm close to. No coworkers unless we're actually friends, no students unless we continued to talk after the semester ended, and no random people from high school, etc. So I don't mind having my photos shared with any of them.

Tanq&Tonic · July 2011

FWIW, here's the entire Photo & Video panel from our welcome brochure. The entire brochure was done in about an hour so in hindsight I would have polished it a bit more. We did not include any signs at the wedding, or announcements by the officiant, nor did we ask anyone to remove anything they posted (a few still did).

PHOTOS and VIDEOS

Often, the best moments of a celebration are captured by friends and family. We would love to see your photos and videos from this weekend! We’ve created a group account on FLICKR where your uploads can be shared with all of our guests in attendance here on Maui.

Yahoo account: ****

Password: ****

Alternatively, you can email photos directly to ****@photos.flickr.com and they will post automatically to the ****wedding photo stream. And yes, we agree that’s a really random email address.

If you have any trouble accessing the account or logging in, please drop us a line – ****@****

We would also really appreciate if you could please refrain from posting any photos on Facebook or other public sites.

THANKS IN ADVANCE!

sparklegirl84 · July 2011

Our photo share cards and brochures are already printed through vistaprint, otherwise I would've added something like that! Shoot, oh well. I agree Brea, I don't have any friends on fb that are strangers (other than maybe 10 girls from TK) and I have lists, like coworkers who can't see my wall/feed or all my photo albums.

kaesha · July 2011

Hm, this turned out to be a longer response than I anticipated!

Personally, I never take photos during wedding ceremonies because I DO think it's... well... choosing not to participate fully in the ritual as an audience member. And frankly, I wish that people would put technology down and be present in the moment more often. You're not mentally present in the same way when you're trying to capture a single moment.

So, one of the big things we thought about when we were putting the ceremony together was about audience engagement. When people are emotionally engaged in something, they're not going to think about the technology, you know? They're there, listening.

That's the drama teacher speaking. I think an important question to ask is: what is ceremony doing to make the people present FEEL like they're playing an important part in it?

It's funny, I guess because my job requires me to interact and, really, be on show for 100+ people a day, I'm okay with others seeing pictures of me. Maybe I should care more... but I don't do stuff that I would hide. So, if it's on facebook, I don't care - I (and my friends) are too old (and wise) to put pictures of any of us doing stupid things up. Besides, if you're one of my friends there, I wouldn't care what you saw of me.

So, I don't think I could ask people NOT to post pictures of me on facebook. I'd untag myself if I was uncomfortable with the shot, but I could never ask people NOT to do what they wanted with their creative property. Their photographs are part of their experience (albeit not a full one) of the wedding, and I don't feel that I have the right to tell them how to deal with that experience, you know?

breaness · July 2011

I agree entirely, Kaesha.

I'm actually kind of disappointed that my best friend asked me to photograph her wedding. I am excited to do portraits for them and to cover the reception, but I don't want to be playing photographer during the ceremony. I want to be sitting next to my FI, tearing up like I know I would if I were sitting there, and watching two of my favorite people vow to love and cherish each other forever.

It's also exactly 1 month before our wedding so I will be extra emotional!

Tanq&Tonic · July 2011

Alyson - you bring up a good point about freedom to express creativity. I guess I'm uncomfortable enough with everying being public it was worth the imposition to ask folks not to post. It's like -- if it doesnt' matter that much to you, I'd love for you not to post. And if you ZOMGMUSTPOST, well, it's not like I was asking you to delete it after the fact.

maui2011 · July 2011

Well we decided to have an unplugged ceremony...we'll see how it goes. We will mention it at our welcome dinner and still deciding if it will go in our program and if our minister will mention it as well. I know it is not the norm and people may not get it...anything new is usually not well received at first...but we are hoping our guests will respect our wishes. Communication will be key. As mentioned previously they will have access to our professional photos and since it is such a small wedding i do not want our guests to get in the way of our professional photo/video vendors. So there you have it. J. :-)

kimmykupcakes · July 2011

FI and I talked about this last night. We decided to put on our photo share cards that we would like no camera during the ceremony and for no photos of the wedding to be posted to any social networking sites. We don't care if guests post other photos from the trip, but we would like to keep our wedding day special. Plus, there's only going to be 20 of us and everyone will be standing around us in a circle for the ceremony. It's be pretty weird to have everyone taking pictures. All around us, right there in our faces. Just the thought along is enough to make us want to run off.

maui2011 · July 2011

Kimmy...the queen of stationary...would you mind please sharing your photo share card with me? I was going to do one awhile back and then i said forget about it but now i think i may just go ahead and do one but still not 100% sure...just don't know how many guests will actually use it. TIA! J. :-)

carrieoz_76 · July 2011

Beforehand, I didn't have an opinion on this, but afterward, I had a strong one.

I have literally NO pictures of our guests during the ceremony in which at least ONE of them (almost always my DAD, and sometimes my brother) is not holding up their stupid iphone to take pics. I wish I had at least some candids of our guests during the ceremony in which the father and brother of the bride were just watching the ceremony, and not trying to record it. That's why we had a pro there - we didn't need them to do it, too! Ugh.

Looking back, I really wish I'd asked people to not take pics during the ceremony. Any other time, fine, but not then. Plus, they really should be watching the ceremony, not recording it. Sigh.

As for facebook, while I wish our first album of pro pics had been the first to be posted on fb, some people back home probably appreciated getting to look at pics on a more timely basis, so it didn't bother me much that people posted pics of the wedding trip to fb before we got ours up. I didn't flood fb with our pics, but I did want the people who wanted to look at them to be able to see some of them.

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