My significant other has been hinting about taking the next step in our relationship and getting engaged. We have been together roughly two years going on three and we love each other dearly. Unfortunately, there is a nagging issue that looms over us. His family.
In my two years of dating him I have constantly been disrespected, shunned, and unwelcome by his family, sans his father and one sister. His mother has refused to have dinner with me on multiple occasions, two of his sisters have called me ugly names, said nasty untrue things about me to his mother and other relatives, and constantly cause drama. One of his aunts always throws me dirty looks and won't acknowledge my presence. At first, I tried to be the bigger person and still try and salvage and relationship possible with them for the sake of my significant other. However, it has gotten to the point where I've completely shut down and I don't want anything to do with his family at all.
And when I say I gave shut the door on any possible reconciliation between his family and I it is because I truly feel I have good reason. For example:
I let it go when his sister was online on multiple ocassions calling me everything but a child of god
I let it go when his mother refuses to have any sort of 1 on 1 contact with me
In essence I could go on and on but I have truly let A LOT of things go but what I couldnt let go is when my apartment lost power in a storm this past summer and I had no running water or air in weather that was reaching into the 100s and with no where to go since everything happened all of a sudden and last min. his family REFUSED to give me shelter in my time of need even though they had full power, a/c, and had others whom they had invited to take refuge. Needless to say at that moment I was too through.
On the flip, my familily has never treated my significant other ill. Even with all of the issues or however they may feel about him they have always treated him with respect,accepted him into my childhood home, and family circle when he was in need or even if he wasnt.
I have spoken to my significant other about it and initially he was in the same boat of not having them attend our wedding if we got married(since they wouldnt have the money to fly from DC to Houston anyway to attend) and he was understanding of why I didnt want anything to do with them but lately in discussions it seems he wants me to give his family another chance (mind you I've honestly lost count on how many chances I've given these people) and try and have a relationship with them or at least be cordial with them but after everything that has happened but I honestly dont feel that I could do it because a person can only take so much and after all I have been through in dealing with these people I feel I have reached the point of no return. Respect is important to me and these people have never respected me or treated me with respect so I chose to cut my ties with them but I have never asked my significant other or tried to influence him to cut his relationship off with them. If anything I've still tried to be there and help him whenever his relationship with them turned hectic. I've let him know my feelings and he respects them but I can tell he feels torn but I honestly dont know what to do about it.
My other issue is if we are to get married my mother has said she would pay for it but I could never see myself asking my mother to pay for such people to come to my wedding. I do not want to invite them for a couple of reasons. 1. I dont want to have to deal with any drama during my wedding planning or wedding day and 2. I dont like them and they dont like me so I dunno how comfortable I would be having them around through the wedding process or actual day. I'm at the point where the idea of an upcoming engagement would be both a happy and nerve racking event. Any suggestions?
Positie feedback is always appreciated.