Engagement Party Confusion

julib33 · March 2012

My fiance and I just recently got engaged this last Leap Day.
Since then EVERYONE is asking when we're having an engagement party. We honestly haven't really thought about it at all yet. I realize that we shouldn't have an engagement party unless someone offers to throw one for us; but everyone wants us to have one and no one has offered. For us an engagement party isn't a big deal and I'm just not sure what to tell people.
I don't want to just say "Well, it's rude to throw our own." because it seems like asking but I also don't want to tell anyone who thinks it's improtant that it's not a big deal.
I'm just really confused. And if someone does offer to throw one who is supposed to be invited? Everyone who is invited to the wedding? Or just really close family/friends?

Thanks!

soleildhiver · March 2012

We threw our own party, but it was mostly just "we haven't seen most of our friends since we got engaged a few months ago, come party with us". We had drinks and apps at a restaurant and stayed for the live band. It seems to me -especially in Canada- that it's not rude to throw your own (and invite anyone you want) as long as you specify no gifts.

julib33 · March 2012

My cousin threw her own but hosted it at my aunts house.
And we do plan on going out to celebrate with our freinds from out of town (we'll be visiting at the end of the month) but we really aren't the "engagement party" type. We're really low key and don't always want attention on us. But it's hard when other people (family) are so persistent on us having one but not willing to throw it (not that we'd EVER ask!).
It's also hard because I feel like engagement parties should be thrown within a few months of being engaged. We are moving in a month and aren't sure where we'll end up. Plus, we aren't even getting married for 2.5 years! Oiy.
Sometimes I think we should just elope, lol.

travelerkris · March 2012

Throw your own - that way you get to plan it and have it where you want with all of the people you want invited.

I don't understand why someone has to throw it for you - celebrate yourselves!

redheadfsu · March 2012

Do not throw your own. That is really tacky and very rude.

When people ask "Are you having an Engagement Party?" just say, "No one as offered to host one so no."

Remember anyone invited to the E party MUST be invited to the wedding.

julib33 · March 2012

I keep hearing that it's rude, or improper, to throw your own. And that's the last thing I want to be! lol

redheadfsu · March 2012

I just wanted to explain about why it is rude, as it appears the PPs don't understand that it is rude. It is rude because many engagement parties are gift giving events (people feel the need to bring at the very least a bottle of wine). Throwing a gift giving event for yourself is very gift grabby. Thus rude.

Even if it isn't a gift giving event in your circle of friends, it is very attention seeking to throw a party for people to "ooooh" and "aaaah" over you.Thus it is tacky to do so.

casyme · March 2012

Take it from me -- if you can get away without anyone giving you an engagement party, thank your lucky stars. Between the bridal showers (and you may have to do more than one if you and Groom are from different states), the bachelor and bachelorette parties, any bridesmaids' "spa day," the wedding itself, and the reception, you will be weary of fete-ing your own wedding!! Plus, I find the idea of my friends and family feeling like they have to buy me multiple presents for my multiple parties (even if you try to convince them not to) is really distasteful. I advocate for calm, party-free engagements

Eliz77 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engagement-party-confusion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:b44001ff-eafd-4aee-990e-0ef6e4eea854Post:52d2f510-1154-4bc5-b131-7107655d9984">Re: Engagement Party Confusion</a>:
[QUOTE]I keep hearing that it's rude, or improper, to throw your own. And that's the last thing I want to be! lol
Posted by julib33[/QUOTE]

<div>You know your family and friends best. Would anyone be offended and refuse to come if you threw a get together to celebrate your engagement? There are plenty of ways to throw an informal celebration, and maybe spread the word amongst friends/family that gifts are not neccessary, sharing your special time with them is.</div><div>
</div><div>My mom threw a small family dinner the day after Christmas to celebrate our engagement. It was informal and kinda spontaneous and we did get some gifts. My FMIL is hosting a brunch next week as a "real" engagement party. Everyone has been informed no need for gifts since there will be a shower eventually. But I didn't tell them myself-I had my mom/FMIL let the guests know. </div>

mandi921vh · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engagement-party-confusion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:b44001ff-eafd-4aee-990e-0ef6e4eea854Post:4df75e7c-9bad-4fa9-8c68-266a7c44dce4">Re: Engagement Party Confusion</a>:
[QUOTE]I just wanted to explain about why it is rude, as it appears the PPs don't understand that it is rude. It is rude because many engagement parties are gift giving events (people feel the need to bring at the very least a bottle of wine). Throwing a gift giving event for yourself is very gift grabby. Thus rude. Even if it isn't a gift giving event in your circle of friends, it is very attention seeking to throw a party for people to "ooooh" and "aaaah" over you.Thus it is tacky to do so.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

<div>Agree 100%</div>

julib33 · March 2012

Thank you all so much!
I honestly do NOT want gifts, and I'm getting SO tired of talking about our engagement already; everyone wants to know how he did it, when we're getting married, etc. and I'm tired of talking, lol. I just want to enjoy my engagement stress free

I think we will definitely be better off without one after getting all of your advice. If someone does decide to offer one we would accept, but explain that it needs to be a "no gift" and low key occasion.
I'm certain no one would refuse to come if we threw it ourselves. If someone does throw an E party for us, do we have to invite everyone we'd invite to the wedding? Or can it just be a few people? I'm already having a graduation party in June and don't even want to plan that, lol.

rlavach · March 2012

I was in a similiar situation. Everyone kept asking, but no one offered. I eventually had to say 'well, no one has offered, so no party as of yet!' Engagement parties are gift-giving events around here, so I most certainly wasn't throwing one for myself. I really don't feel like I missed anything.

saraschilling88 · March 2012

We didn't technically have an engagement party. My parents, a few relatives, and my FI and I had some wine and snacks the weekend after we got engaged, and we went out with a couple friends later that next week. But for us an engagement party wasn't really necessary. I would have felt bad considering there are 2 bridal showers. I was fine with just getting together with family like we normally would, and not having it a huge thing.

julib33 · March 2012

Thank you everyone for your help and advice!

SoldnerMadchen · March 2012

I dont see why it would be rude. We're throwing our own, but it's just for our families to meet (they've never met, itd be awkward if they met the first time at the wedding) and specifically saying that they should not bring gifts. There's nothing tacky about that. :-/

julib33 · March 2012

That's a good point. I want our families to meet before the wedding too. My dad has met his dad, and my mom has met both of his parents but I'd like my dad to meet more of his family (my mom lived with us for a while so she's met a lot of his family). I'm graduating from college in 3 days so I'm just going to invite his family and mine to the graduation party. That way, everyone can meet and it won't be rude or anything. Plus, knowing both of our families they will be fawning over us as an engaged couple anyway, lol.

librababy · March 2012

I don't think throwing gift giving parties is rude or tacky (people throw their own housewarming partiesa ll the time and those come with gifts for the house and the couple).

Anyway, if you don't want an E-party, then don'thave one. Don't let anyone force you into throwing one either.

I am having an engagement party of course. I want the whole experience...we've waited a LONG time to finally get married and EVERYONE is excited for us so there will be an E-party to alllow some people to celebrate our official Engagement with us. I am iniviting around 30 or so people (and those people will all be invited to the wedding as well).

SoldnerMadchen · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engagement-party-confusion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:b44001ff-eafd-4aee-990e-0ef6e4eea854Post:c2e3468e-c0d2-4b0b-aac1-a39446abf7fe">Re: Engagement Party Confusion</a>:
[QUOTE] I want the whole experience...we've waited a LONG time to finally get married and EVERYONE is excited for us so there will be an E-party to alllow some people to celebrate our official Engagement with us.
Posted by librababy[/QUOTE]

That's exactly like us! It was super fun. We played games, took everybody out to dinner, and got to learn a lot of new things about each other. I hope yours is/was great, too!

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