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Moms and Maids

Had it with FMIL.

My FMIL is soo...back and forth! She already has a daughter in law and she is attached at the hip to her. The daughter in law has been around for a while so it is understandable. No. I'm not jealous. I'm making a statement. An observation, if you will. She is perfectly fine with her, yet she is so...iffy with me. She likes me one day, has an attitude the next. When we text (yes, we text, she hates talking on the phone), I get one word answers some days and then paragraphs and laughs some others. We sat down and Iaid everything out on the table. She told me, she would like to get to know me better, and I agreed. I'd like to get to know my FMIL as well. And I've tried. 

When I invite her out to lunch, she declines
When I ask her to go for a walk with me, (She is a diabetic and told me she wanted to go for walks at least 3 times a week, and I want to lose weight.), she declines.
When its just us in the house, she never starts conversations. I do. 
When its her, her daughter in law, and myself talking, she directs all attention to the topic to her daughter in law. 
She never asks for my opinion or a thought on a subject. (Similar to the previous statement)
When she needs to go to the store, she looks past me and asks her daughter in law.

I don't know why I care so much. I don't know why I value her opinion. I don't know why I keep trying. If this is a test, then I fail! 
Don't tell me you want to get to know me better, and then not try. Just like any relationship, you have to give a little to get a little. 

So what do I do? 
Britt1893 is now FutureHutto!

Re: Had it with FMIL.

  • Just ignore her. Easier said then done. But maybe if you stop trying so hard she will come up with something? If not, eh, oh well. Let it go. You don't have to be besties with her right? Good luck.
  • Exactly, I am in the ignoring phase now. Its most certainly easier said than done. She acts all buddy buddy when my FI is around. 
    Britt1893 is now FutureHutto!
  • Do you all live together?  If so, that might make the ignoring a little hard.  As a FMIL myself, I had kind of a hard getting close to son's g/f.  I had made the mistake of getting close to his previous g/f and they broke up.  This one has been around for 5 years now and she's been with him through good and bad so I know it's the real deal, but I still find myself a little reserved around her.
  • Stop trying so hard. Your FMIL might be shy or standoffish. All the attention you're giving her might be making her feel uncomfortable. Try redirecting your attention to your FSIL. When FMIL sees how well the two of you get along, she might want to be part of that.

    Good luck.
                       
  • I agree with Maire.  It takes me a while to warm up to people and usually happens after I see how they are interacting with people I already like.  For me, that is a self protection that I developed after years of being bullied in school by girls who would pretend to be my friends and then viciously turn on me.

    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • We do not live together. My FBIL, FSIL, FI and I live together. I get along wonderfully with my FSIL. Relationship with my FBIL is iffy. However, we don't ever show it. We talk and laugh together. So it isn't that. FI has had ex girlfriends. One in particular, his mom hated. FI and I aren't like the rest of the family. The entire family enjoys nascar, hunting, and mudding, and building racecars. FI and I enjoy sports, motorcycles and well, we live a very active lifestyle. Its been 4 years...I'm just frustrated. 

    Actually today, I spent quality time with my future in laws. We had breakfast, and my father in law and I did a puzzle, mother in law helped. She even offered to cook me a birthday dinner. My birthday is in 2 days!  And she even offered to make a dessert! 


    Britt1893 is now FutureHutto!
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