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I don't want a shower.... they seem to think I need one.

amaetomamaetom member
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in Pre-wedding Parties
We are having a DW.  We invited our closest friends and family to come along with us and have decided that outside of the ceremony and reception there, we will not be having a reception at home and I did not want a shower.  Our parents will be having a series of smaller cookouts for friends and family that couldn't make it and we're both having our own seperate bach parties.  When we decided to do away with the reception, I decided to drop the shower because, I don't believe it's polite to invite people to the shower that weren't invited to the wedding.  Not only that but I feel that I'm asking too much out of my BM's, parents, and attendees of the DW by asking them to pay for a shower and bring me gifts when I'm already asking them to travel out of the country.  My family is spread out accross the country and his is very small.  I estimated that there would be about 5-10 people who show up at the shower that won't be showing up at the wedding.  We have owned a house together for 4 years.  I am getting pressure from some BM's and parents to have a shower.  Am I crazy for not wanting one?!?!
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Re: I don't want a shower.... they seem to think I need one.

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    hboo2011hboo2011
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_dont-want-shower-seem-think-need-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:3cf77c57-25a4-4855-8ad3-bb24fea4c779Post:3b2d0cfa-a74c-43c9-b0b4-4decdabc36ab">I don't want a shower.... they seem to think I need one.</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are having a DW.  We invited our closest friends and family to come along with us and have decided that outside of the ceremony and reception there, we will not be having a reception at home and I did not want a shower.  Our parents will be having a series of smaller cookouts for friends and family that couldn't make it and we're bothing having our own seperate bach parties.  When we decided to do away with the reception, I decided to drop the shower because, I<strong> don't believe it's polite to invite people to the shower that weren't invited to the wedding.</strong>  Not only that but I feel that I'm asking too much out of my BM's, parents, and attendees of the DW by asking them to pay for a shower and bring me gifts when I'm already asking them to travel out of the country.  My family is spread out accross the country and his is very small.  I estimated that there would be about 5-10 people who show up at the shower that won't be showing up at the wedding.  I am getting pressure from some BM's and parents to have a shower.  Am I crazy for not wanting one?!?!
    Posted by amaetom[/QUOTE]


    Absolutely. No one gets a shower invite unless they get a wedding invite as well.  You're not crazy. You could decline a shower if you are uncomfortable having one.
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    LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
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    edited December 2011
    Theyc an't make you... have you explained your reasoning to them? That you think they're already doing enough for you and that you think that a shower is an unnecessary burden for you to put on them?

    They may be worrying that they're "supposed" to do it (I know some people feel that way) and maybe they could use the reassurance that you really REALLY don't want one.
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    amaetomamaetom member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_dont-want-shower-seem-think-need-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:3cf77c57-25a4-4855-8ad3-bb24fea4c779Post:052043c0-eba6-46b5-9ea0-16024b62a352">Re: I don't want a shower.... they seem to think I need one.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Theyc an't make you... have you explained your reasoning to them? That you think they're already doing enough for you and that you think that a shower is an unnecessary burden for you to put on them?[/QUOTE]

    Yes.  Several of them secretly loved it when I told them.  Others, well, not so much.  I don't want them to start a fight amongst themselves over it.  My FI is incredibly supportive and is ready to go out to bat for me but I don't feel like it should come to that!!! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-yell.gif" border="0" alt="Yell" title="Yell" /> 
    ~Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction~
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