Do you think this is rude?

cindyn9178 · December 2011

I'm curious what you all think about this, and I wouldn't dare ask on the E board...

So DH's parents pretty much hate his Uncle (his dad's brother) and his wife. They have drama going back years and years and don't really talk to them at all.
However, in March of this year, DH's first cousin (their daughter) got married. His parents were invited to the wedding, but we were not. His aunt and uncle told his parents that was because they were trying to keep it small, but they said it was a pretty big wedding, and being this is his first cousin, I personally found it a little rude that we weren't invited. But anyway..moving on....

So pretty much out of obligation, we invited this Aunt and Uncle to our wedding in September (DH's parents's decision), so we sent them a Thank You card recently.

Now, in the past we had never received a Christmas card from them, but they always sent one to my in-laws...
Well yesterday, we received a Christmas Card from them.
It is a picture of their family at their daughter's wedding!! THAT WE WEREN'T INVITED TO!! (Aunt, Uncle, Bride & Groom, and her two brothers are in the picture).

I personally found this extremely rude! How can you send a picture like that to people that weren't invited to the wedding? It is almost like - "look how much fun we had at this wedding that you weren't invited to". And don't get me wrong - even if this were a friend or something, I'd feel the same way. I just don't think you should do this! I refuse to hang it up with the rest of our Christmas cards!

Oh, and she also includes one of those newsletters with updates about their family - their daughter got married, their son got a promotion, their other son is a new dad.

So what do you think?? Is this whole Christmas Card with the wedding photo thing rude?

ETA: This would be like us making a Christmas Card out of our wedding photo and sending that card to people we didn't invite to our wedding.

USER876 · December 2011

Who is anin12? Or is the knot just being funky? Strange.

cindyn9178 · December 2011

just being funky.. that happens once in awhile.

buttrflyah · December 2011

Hmm I dont think I'd really care what photo they used. I'd assume their intentions of using it was that it was a nice, quality picture of the family. Maybe it just irks you because of the history there?? Don't let it get to you.

rlavach · December 2011

I've actually seen this question asked on the E board and they all say that it's borderline rude. Most say to only make Christmas cards with wedding pictures if ALL of the people you send it to were there, or those that couldn't be there. Other's view it as a Christmas card + wedding announcement rolled into one. For your own sanity, I think it's better to just toss it & forget it.

sharstin · December 2011

Personally, I think it's rude and inconsiderate. But as PPs said, I would just toss it and not give it another thought.

diamondx423 · December 2011

I don't think its rude. People send cards of them on vacations that I wasn't invited to, so I don't take offence. Its probably the nicest picture they have of them all.

kristen8040 · December 2011

Eh I don't see it as a big deal. It's probably the first formal family picture they've had taken in awhile. It's not like the cousin sent you the card themselves.

cindyn9178 · December 2011

Oh yeah, don't get me wrong - I'm totally not stressing over this and it has been tossed already. I was just curious what you all thought about it.

As for vacations, they aren't typically something that you'd invite people to, so I don't really consider that the same thing.

I personally don't like wedding announcements either and consider them on the same level of rudeness if you send them to people that weren't invited to the wedding. If I were the person receiving it, I'd be offended by that.

Pammie76 · December 2011

That would totally annoy the sh*t out of me ..

rlavach · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_think-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:ae796c74-42bc-47d0-8663-9caddce42179Post:5de3c6af-3c58-4f11-9128-3d3b415858e8">Re: Do you think this is rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh yeah, don't get me wrong - I'm totally not stressing over this and it has been tossed already. I was just curious what you all thought about it. As for vacations, they aren't typically something that you'd invite people to, so I don't really consider that the same thing. I personally don't like wedding announcements either and consider them on the same level of rudeness if you send them to people that weren't invited to the wedding. If I were the person receiving it, I'd be offended by that.
Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]
I never understood wedding announcements either! Really, if you were at the wedding, do you need an announcement? No, you already know. If you weren't at the wedding, do you need to be reminded of that fact? NO! Oh, the wedding industry.

Giaspo · December 2011

I think it's weirder that you got the card this year, after never having received one before from them.

I have to admit, this year we did a Christmas card with our wedding photo. We sent it to a very filtered group of people, most of who attended our wedding. A very select few received it as an announcement; they live out of state and knew of our engagement but also knew they weren't invited to the wedding. These were my girlfriends that were excited to see a photo and I knew they'd be OK with it.

LADY324 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_think-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:ae796c74-42bc-47d0-8663-9caddce42179Post:a58b0a41-79da-4ea9-af1e-de95e01d8d8c">Re: Do you think this is rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I think it's weirder that you got the card this year, after never having received one before from them.</strong> I have to admit, this year we did a Christmas card with our wedding photo. We sent it to a very filtered group of people, most of who attended our wedding. A very select few received it as an announcement; they live out of state and knew of our engagement but also knew they weren't invited to the wedding. These were my girlfriends that were excited to see a photo and I knew they'd be OK with it.
Posted by Giaspo[/QUOTE]

This is what is weird to me. Why did they just start now? So were they trying to purposely piss you off? I guess you will find out next year if you get one then maybe you were just recently added to their card list. If you don't get one then it was not a sincere christmas card.

shoebie · December 2011

Very rude, especially because they have never sent you one in the past.

cindyn9178 · December 2011

Well here's some more info that might clear up why we just got one..

They've always sent my in-laws a card and the newsletter thing.. but they don't really speak (which is weird, like why send a card then?) And as I mentioned, they were invited and went to the daughter's wedding.. also, my father in law was in the hospital earlier this year, so they were coming to visit him, and they would talk at the hospital, but never outside of that. That was the first time DH has seen this Aunt and Uncle in YEARS. (he doesn't even remember how long).. and that was the first time I met them. They had never asked for our address before, but probably because again - they don't talk to my in-laws. (the hospital was after their daughter's wedding).

One of the reasons my in-laws don't like them is because they are the type of people who think they are better than everybody else - and try to flaunt it. For example, while at the hospital visiting my father in-law, the Uncle said to DH "look out the window in a few minutes and you will see my wife's new red BMW driving past".. Um ok. DH said to me "why would I care? He hasn't seen me in years, and THAT is what he says to me?"

So anyway, we then invited them to our wedding - so they had our address from the invitation, thank you card, etc.. so I guess that's why she decided to send a Christmas card this year? But I don't really know. I don't know that she purposely sent that photo to piss us off, she is just so self absorbed that she wouldn't even think it might bother us.

We'll see if we get one next year... but considering they love to talk about themselves, I'm sure we will, complete with the newsletter so we can hear all about their grandchildren - ie, our cousins we will probably never meet.

cutiepie12702 · December 2011

Well, I wouldn't use my wedding picture on a Christmas card - that's what thank yous are for and everyone already received those. However, my mom sent out Christmas cards and included a picture from my wedding in them to her friends who were not invited (and she hasn't seen in years). This is pretty common - when her friends' children got married they sent the same kind of pic to us. We always enjoyed receiving these types of pics. However, I would be annoyed in your situation since it was a relative and they invited your parents but not you to the wedding - but I really don't think the card was meant to upset you or throw it in your face, I think they probably had the same idea my mom and her friends have that they wanted to share a picture with everyone.

I also don't think it is weird they never sent you a card before but did now. Since this is our first Christmas being married, and it was the first time I ever sent out cards for the holidays so they were sent to people who never received a card from us before. We received cards from people who never sent us cards in the past (including DH's family) as well as people who always sent cards to my parents in the past, and I expected that since we are now a married couple. Since I just sent out thank yous last month, everyone had our address from that and knew where to send the cards. I am pretty sure they probably saved your address and added you to their card list, which I really doubt was done to snub you but just to try and be friendly around the holidays.

I think you are puting too much thought into the whole thing. Trust me, I'd feel the same way and be like, did they really just send this to me?!? I had a cousin who didn't come to my shower or wedding and didn't even have the decency to send me a card just saying congrats, but she had the audacity to send my parents a Christmas card - THAT was really rude. You couldn't say congrats on getting married but you can send a stupid Christmas card with a picture of your dogs on it as if we care??? LOL I sent a card to every other relative except her (and my mom also took her off her card list too). People are amazing. All you can do is laugh about it and roll your eyes...

bereasonable2 · December 2011

I'm sure there are bigger things in your life to get your panties in a bunch over.

cindyn9178 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_think-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:ae796c74-42bc-47d0-8663-9caddce42179Post:2ef54203-06c0-4ede-ae85-6894a5eed3bd">Re: Do you think this is rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I wouldn't use my wedding picture on a Christmas card - that's what thank yous are for and everyone already received those. However, my mom sent out Christmas cards and included a picture from my wedding in them to her friends who were not invited (and she hasn't seen in years). This is pretty common - when her friends' children got married they sent the same kind of pic to us. We always enjoyed receiving these types of pics. However, I would be annoyed in your situation since it was a relative and they invited your parents but not you to the wedding - but I really don't think the card was meant to upset you or throw it in your face, I think they probably had the same idea my mom and her friends have that they wanted to share a picture with everyone. I also don't think it is weird they never sent you a card before but did now. Since this is our first Christmas being married, and it was the first time I ever sent out cards for the holidays so they were sent to people who never received a card from us before. We received cards from people who never sent us cards in the past (including DH's family) as well as people who always sent cards to my parents in the past, and I expected that since we are now a married couple. Since I just sent out thank yous last month, everyone had our address from that and knew where to send the cards. I am pretty sure they probably saved your address and added you to their card list, which I really doubt was done to snub you but just to try and be friendly around the holidays. I think you are puting too much thought into the whole thing. Trust me, I'd feel the same way and be like, did they really just send this to me?!?<strong> I had a cousin who didn't come to my shower or wedding and didn't even have the decency to send me a card just saying congrats, but she had the audacity to send my parents a Christmas card - THAT was really rude. You couldn't say congrats on getting married but you can send a stupid Christmas card with a picture of your dogs on it as if we care??? </strong>LOL I sent a card to every other relative except her (and my mom also took her off her card list too). People are amazing. All you can do is laugh about it and roll your eyes...
Posted by cutiepie12702[/QUOTE]

I think that's kind of the thing here.. they don't talk to my in-laws ever, yet they invited them to their daughter's wedding. I'm surprised my in-laws actually went to that wedding, and they feel (and so do I) that they were most likely invited because the Aunt and Uncle wanted to "show off" to them... then, since our wedding was after that one, my in-laws felt obligated to invite them to our wedding. Then, after the hospital, they suddenly are acting like everything is normal and everybody likes each other - but the problem is that nobody still likes them! So to suddenly get a card from them, with this picture no less, just comes off as though they think everything is good - and its not.. does that make sense?

cindyn9178 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_think-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:ae796c74-42bc-47d0-8663-9caddce42179Post:bc212a96-dbcc-40dc-a10e-fecc22c0dadc">Re: Do you think this is rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sure there are bigger things in your life to get your panties in a bunch over.
Posted by bereasonable2[/QUOTE]
yeah, thanks, but my panties aren't in a bunch at all. I was just asking here because I was curious if other people find this rude. I'm not jumping off a bridge over it.

cindyn9178 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_think-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:ae796c74-42bc-47d0-8663-9caddce42179Post:1f04f706-1a38-4c2b-9d90-2daa123f00c4">Re: Do you think this is rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it is rude. Is is probably the best family photo they have because it is professional. <strong>Its like posting wedding pictures or vacation pictures on facebook, people who weren't invited will see</strong>, but NBD to me. Maybe it is weird that you suddenly got on the Christmas card list, but it probably just because you invited them. We invited some of our parents' friends to the wedding and got cards from them for the first time ever.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

No, its definitely not like that at all. Some of the people on Facebook are just acquaintances and therefore wouldn't even expect to be invited to the wedding. This is a close relative, totally different. And vacations, as I said above, are nothing like this - becuase you don't invite 150 people on your vacation with you, except for your one cousin.

GiGiV2012 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_think-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:ae796c74-42bc-47d0-8663-9caddce42179Post:89599fe4-1d87-4ac9-8662-b0925f219f9c">Re: Do you think this is rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think its rude. People send cards of them on vacations that I wasn't invited to, so I don't take offence<strong>. Its probably the nicest picture they have of them all.</strong>
Posted by diamondx423[/QUOTE]

This. I don't take offense to it at all.

bereasonable2 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_think-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:ae796c74-42bc-47d0-8663-9caddce42179Post:6b01f9ee-4f72-4d69-841f-dae0a31b538b">Re: Do you think this is rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you think this is rude? : yeah, thanks, but my panties aren't in a bunch at all. I was just asking here because I was curious if other people find this rude. I'm not jumping off a bridge over it.
Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

<div>Sure seemed like your panties were getting a little bunchy from reading your initial post.</div>

cindyn9178 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_think-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:ae796c74-42bc-47d0-8663-9caddce42179Post:f3fe6220-fb2e-4540-b849-f9f77b205864">Re: Do you think this is rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you think this is rude? : Sure seemed like your panties were getting a little bunchy from reading your initial post.
Posted by bereasonable2[/QUOTE]
Nope, just said that I found it extremely rude.

bereasonable2 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_think-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:ae796c74-42bc-47d0-8663-9caddce42179Post:0a224c80-76bb-49ab-b000-8a002266a9f3">Re: Do you think this is rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you think this is rude? : Nope, just said that I found it extremely rude.
Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

<div>"<span style="background-color:#ffffff;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;">Now, in the past we had never received a Christmas card from them, but they always sent one to my in-laws...</span></div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;">Well yesterday, we received a Christmas Card from them. </span>
<span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;">It is a picture of their family at their daughter's wedding!! THAT WE WEREN'T INVITED TO!! (Aunt, Uncle, Bride & Groom, and her two brothers are in the picture)."</span><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;">
</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;">See that part where you typed in all CAPS? Panties getting bunchy right there.
</span></div>

cindyn9178 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_think-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:ae796c74-42bc-47d0-8663-9caddce42179Post:8aa394cf-6f64-462a-af8e-cc01d36c65d7">Re: Do you think this is rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you think this is rude? : " Now, in the past we had never received a Christmas card from them, but they always sent one to my in-laws... Well yesterday, we received a Christmas Card from them. It is a picture of their family at their daughter's wedding!! THAT WE WEREN'T INVITED TO!! (Aunt, Uncle, Bride & Groom, and her two brothers are in the picture)." See that part where you typed in all CAPS? Panties getting bunchy right there.
Posted by bereasonable2[/QUOTE]
Ok, so now you are going to TELL me how I am feeling?
The taps were to signify WHY I thought this was rude. And I'm done explaining myself to you, since again the only thing you have to add is drama, ie. - when you basically told me I'm a horrible pet owner regarding how I was dealing with my injured cat.

kristen8040 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_think-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:ae796c74-42bc-47d0-8663-9caddce42179Post:a54b6831-95ae-4f52-ba29-2770f8cca57b">Re: Do you think this is rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you think this is rude? : Ok, so now you are going to TELL me how I am feeling? The taps were to signify WHY I thought this was rude. And I'm done explaining myself to you, since again the only thing you have to add is drama, ie. -<strong> when you basically told me I'm a horrible pet owner regarding how I was dealing with my injured cat.</strong>
Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

<div>Which is funny considering on someone's post about their pet passing away, he berated them for grieving as if it was a person. Guess you're damned if you do, damned if you don't in his eyes.</div>

bereasonable2 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_think-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:ae796c74-42bc-47d0-8663-9caddce42179Post:a54b6831-95ae-4f52-ba29-2770f8cca57b">Re: Do you think this is rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you think this is rude? : Ok, so now you are going to TELL me how I am feeling? The taps were to signify WHY I thought this was rude. And I'm done explaining myself to you, since again the only thing you have to add is drama, ie. - when you basically told me I'm a horrible pet owner regarding how I was dealing with my injured cat.
Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

<div>WHEN YOU TYPE LIKE THIS - you're yelling. Sorry if I took all your caps and exclamation points as you getting your panties in a bunch. </div><div>
</div><div>Ok, so let's say you weren't getting panties all bunchy... who cares about the card, really? Why let stuff like that even bother you to the point you have to run here and ask if it's rude? Just say, "Eff them." and move on.</div>

bereasonable2 · December 2011

Merry Christmas, everyone!

cindyn9178 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_think-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:ae796c74-42bc-47d0-8663-9caddce42179Post:82e8d386-73d1-475a-9521-e64121fa5970">Re: Do you think this is rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you think this is rude? : WHEN YOU TYPE LIKE THIS - you're yelling. Sorry if I took all your caps and exclamation points as you getting your panties in a bunch. Ok, so let's say you weren't getting panties all bunchy... who cares about the card, really? Why let stuff like that even bother you to the point you have to run here and ask if it's rude? Just say, "Eff them." and move on.
Posted by bereasonable2[/QUOTE]
My posting here was out of curiosity. I didn't "run here" to ask about it. You really need to stop.

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