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Long distance MOH problems

punkie167punkie167
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in Moms and Maids
My MOH and I live on opposite coasts, which up until now hasn't been an issue. I brought up the dates I'm thinking of for the shower so she could start making arrangements. She then informed me that she could only come out for the wedding because of the cost, which I totally understood, so I offered to use miles to fly her out for both. Then she told me she is scared of flying and is planning on taking a train...and bringing 2 other people (it's a long journey and she wouldn't feel safe going alone). It's weird enough that my MOH won't be at my shower, but now there's 2 people, whom I only know through Facebook, coming to my wedding. I didn't want any drama, so I just told her it's ok and dropped it. I don't feel right pushing her to do something she's afraid of (flying), but I really want her there for both events, plus the train means I'm adding 2 strangers to my guest list. I really can't tell if I'm just being over sensitive and should just suck it up, or if I have valid concerns and should talk to her about it again. Advice please :)
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Re: Long distance MOH problems

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    DeannaCWDeannaCW member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Fear of flying can be traumatizing to some people. I think you're doing the right thing by letting her feel safe travelling that distance.  It sucks that she won't be there for the shower, but there's really nothing you can do about it. Please don't talk to her again about this; it won't change the situation, and will only make her feel guilty or angry. She needs to deal with her fear or phobia in her own time, in her own way. Pushing the issue on a time deadline won't help.
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    calliopeia2013calliopeia2013 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Her not being able to make the shower I think you need to let go.  Even when everything is paid for by someone else, travelling costs time and energy, and for some people for whatever reason that may not be something they're able to give.

    That said, I think her inviting two other people to your wedding of her own volition is totally out of line.  Unless one of them is her SO (who should obviously be invited anyway), I think that one is worth a conversation over.  Who are the other people?  Just random friends?  Is this a situation where she has some sort of disability and needs a companion with her for whatever reason?
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    kikirst33kikirst33 member
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    Skype is a wonderful thing - she may not be able to be there in person but she can video chat and still particiapte in your shower.

    It's too bad that she can't be there but as PP have said some people do not like to fly.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You need to let go of the fact that she will not be there for your bridal shower.  Does it suck?  Yes. But is it something to get huffy and puffy about? No.

    As far as her bringing to additional people with her.  Did she assume that they would be invited or did you assume that she assumed that they would be invited?  There is a big difference.  Maybe she is bringing them with her to feel safe when travelling but the two individuals will be sight seeing and such while she is attending your wedding.

    Before you jump to any conclusions I think you need to speak with your MOH.

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    punkie167punkie167
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    edited August 2012
    Thanks for the input, I'm not going to push her to do anything she's uncomfortable with, and I'm not getting huffy and puffy. I knew she wanted a travel companion and initially it was going to be her dad. Then he had something come up, so she just wanted to bring a friend instead. Then the friend wanted to bring her husband along. Then she asked if it would be ok if they came to the wedding. I said yes, I have the room in my guest list and I don't want to be mean. I did speak up and say that I do want just time with her. She agreed, and the couple is going to be on their own for a couple days. It just all feels strange.
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    punkie167punkie167
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_long-distance-moh-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9d2ba2ee-6f2e-4c9f-8c1a-ccc8b26b96caPost:decede0d-7af7-424c-843d-db253560dd69">Re: Long distance MOH problems</a>:
    [QUOTE]Her not being able to make the shower I think you need to let go.  Even when everything is paid for by someone else, travelling costs time and energy, and for some people for whatever reason that may not be something they're able to give. That said, I think her inviting two other people to your wedding of her own volition is totally out of line.  Unless one of them is her SO (who should obviously be invited anyway), I think that one is worth a conversation over.  Who are the other people?  Just random friends?  Is this a situation where she has some sort of disability and needs a companion with her for whatever reason?
    Posted by calliopeia2013[/QUOTE]


    No, she does not have a disability. The train ride will be about 40 hours and she isn't comfortable going alone.
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