Legally married, Ceremony disagreements

taraelements · October 2012

I have been doing a lot reading about different ways to have an ceremony after being married in a courthouse, but it seems every situation is unique. Here's mine:

My fiance and I decided on a our wedding date (5/4/2013), and have the venue reserved, etc. Then as we got to talking, we didn't want to wait to be married to each other any longer (we've been together for 4 years and have 2 kids). At first, I agreed and am very excited to make it official and finally refer to him as my husband. But then, all the reasons why the ceremony is important to me came back. The biggest reason why it is so important to me is my daughter is 9 years old and his son is 4 years old (I've been "mommy" since he was 4 months) and I want our wedding day to be something they will remember and be included in.
I have since discussed this with my fiance and he just isn't keen on a ceremony. He doesn't like the spotlight and the whole thing makes him nervous.
Is there a way to have a mini ceremony that includes our children to make the day special, but also keep things on the lighter side to accommodate my fiance's feelings as well?
One idea I have is to record our ceremony and then show it at the wedding reception, but I also want to include the kids.
Thank you for your advice.

itzMS · October 2012

Your children can still be present at the courthouse when you get married.

The ceremony is not for the children, it is for the two adults committing to each other for life. Asking the children to recite vows, or participate in a unity ceremony is not appropriate.

If you would like to give the children a special gift at the reception to help them feel special & remember the day, then feel free to do so.

taraelements · October 2012

Thank you for your replies.

I agree that the ceremony will not involve our kids reciting vows or anything like that. My desire and concern to involve our kids comes from a sad memory that I have carried since I was a little girl. My mom married my step dad and did not include me. I was only 5 years old and was crushed. A gift is definitely in order for our kdis and I like the celebratory dinner aftterwards.

In the meantime, I have been researching videographers to record our ceremony, no matter how small, as this is stll important for me to share with our reception on 5/4/2013. Our reception includes only our family and closest friends.

We are not legally married yet. We haven't taken that step because of our disagreement regarding the ceremony. I feel like I am on to something with the courthouse recorded ceremony to capture our special memory nonetheless.

tortor09 · October 2012

My mom actually married my stepdad when I was 10 in a Methodist Church. All they had was 2 witnesses (stepdad's cousin and his wife), me (flowergirl), and his cousin's son (ring bearer).

That was it. I was happy to be a part of it, and that was it. Maybe you could do something like that?

Now I had a courthouse wedding, I remember phones are not allowed, but my photographer was allowed to take photos.

Is this the first wedding for both of you?

taraelements · October 2012

The Ceremony will be done probably 2 months in advance because I am finding that it takes 2 months to properly edit a wedding video. So I am eagerly looking for a videographer. The Reception will be on 5/4/2013. We chose that date because we leave for our annual Cabo trip on 5/5/2013. We thought that timeline would work well and the trip this year will be our honeymoon.

Good idea to check with the courthouse to make sure we can video, etc.
Thanks!

[Deleted User] · October 2012

My niece got married at the beginning of the summer at her local courthouse. She had an almost 5 year old from a previous relationship. She bought her daughter a pretty dress and a little basket, so it was like she was a flower girl. The judge in their town was very nice and since it was a nice summer day allowed them to go outside & get married under a big tree outside the courthouse which gave it a nicer feeling then the courtroom provided. It was her, her husband, her daugher & both parents. A nice little ceremony where the daughter got to stand next to mom to be a part of the ceremony. It was beautiful (from what I could see in pictures)

itzMS · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_legally-married-ceremony-disagreements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:d260d937-2b97-4d39-bb74-6cd98b6b8f60Post:34a26f56-c27f-4741-8d39-69404270dcac">Re: Legally married, Ceremony disagreements</a>:
[QUOTE]The Ceremony will be done probably 2 months in advance because I am finding that it takes 2 months to properly edit a wedding video. So I am eagerly looking for a videographer. The Reception will be on 5/4/2013. We chose that date because we leave for our annual Cabo trip on 5/5/2013. We thought that timeline would work well and the trip this year will be our honeymoon. :) Good idea to check with the courthouse to make sure we can video, etc. Thanks!
Posted by taraelements[/QUOTE]

Please take this as my simple curiousity, not disrespect, but exactly WHAT will you be video recording that takes <em>two months</em> to edit? You are aware that a courthouse wedding ceremony takes only 5-10 minutes...?

It's one thing that editing of a 60 minute ceremony and 3-4 hour reception takes 2 months, but 10 minutes of footage taking 2 months....? Really?

GoodLuckBear14 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_legally-married-ceremony-disagreements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:d260d937-2b97-4d39-bb74-6cd98b6b8f60Post:6b08225e-7076-41c0-8e3c-c50afaae7869">Re: Legally married, Ceremony disagreements</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for your replies. :) I agree that the ceremony will not involve our kids reciting vows or anything like that. My desire and concern to involve our kids comes from a sad memory that I have carried since I was a little girl. My mom married my step dad and did not include me. I was only 5 years old and was crushed. A gift is definitely in order for our kdis and I like the celebratory dinner aftterwards. In the meantime, I have been researching videographers to record our ceremony, no matter how small, as this is stll important for me to share with our reception on 5/4/2013. <strong>Our reception includes only our family and closest friends.</strong> We are not legally married yet. We haven't taken that step because of our disagreement regarding the ceremony. I feel like I am on to something with the courthouse recorded ceremony to capture our special memory nonetheless. :)
Posted by taraelements[/QUOTE]

I am really not understanding why you aren't just inviting them to the courthouse or having a small ceremony somewhere else then. I really think you are making this more complicated than it needs to be.

at_last08 · October 2012

Instead of getting married in a courthouse you can get married in a small chapel. There is one in my area that has packages starting at $150. You can only have a limited amount of guests but in your situation that wouldn't be an issue. A chapel would look a lot nicer than a courthouse and is very affordable. You could consider having a private wedding ceremony at a chapel with just you, your FI, and children and then having a reception afterwards with family and friends.

Meghannsix · October 2012

I'm confused also. I get the whole not wanting to wait to get married, but you're talking two months difference here. Why not have a super small private ceremony, and then the reception following immediately, on the same day?

tally7 · October 2012

get the officiant to come to another location that way you can take your time and make it special for your family - you can even find someone to come to your house or a restaurant even if its just the three of you - I got married in a courthouse the ceremonies are very short and no time for extras

Legally married, Ceremony disagreements

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