OMG... I'm proposing...

jaykaye · December 2011

Or maybe I'm "pre-proposing"?

My boyfriend and I are both really over the top kind of people. He's moving in with me in January and we've already talked about that fact that we are "the one" for each other. He's told me that he's going to marry me someday and that he knows what he wants so he will be "proposing sooner than later..."

Sooo... he told his mom that he thinks it would be really great for the girl of his dreams to make a grand gesture... So I bought him a ring (not a wedding band... something he can wear on the right hand once he gets his wedding ring) and I'm making a grand gesture on Christmas.

Don't know why I'm nervous but I am!!! How should I word it? "Marry me?" "Propose to me?" Haha... this is the tricky part!

Joker1628 · December 2011

This is interesting, I've not heard many stories like this before... it might be cute to ask "Will you propose to me?" But that might not be a grand gesture, that could just be you being pushy. So perhaps it's best to stick with a good ole fashion will you marry me? If he says yes, then hopefully he'll take you ring shopping too!

Are you just going to ask or are you going to do something else, like write it in the snow or on an ornament!?

kellyt89 · December 2011

I find this a little odd...

Does the "grand gesture" necessarily have to be your own "sort of proposal"? It could maybe be something along the lines of wanting to spend the rest of your life with him. Idk...I think proposing twice is redundant.

Also, I agree with yaga. PP, you can't be "pre-engaged." You're either engaged or you're not and right now OP you're still dating, which is awesome in itself.

redheadfsu · December 2011

Being in a relationship is being pre-engaged.

Either ask him to get married or don't. Saying, "Here is a ring. Will you marry me someday?" To me is still a proposal. As in you are engaged, for reals.

If you don't want to get engaged at Christmas, then maybe something else that is grand? Like something very personal & special. But a ring with the promise to get married is an engagement ring which makes you two engaged. (The ring doesn't make you engaged. But a promise to get married is what an engagement is)

RamonaFlowers · December 2011

Eh ... I kind of think you either need to just flat out propose or find a new "grand gesture". I'm not sure exactly why, but asking a guy to ask you to marry him just strikes me as kind of desperate or something.

Maybe it's because when I was younger, I used to read those Babysitter's Little Sister books, and I clearly remember in one book Karen Brewer told Ricky Torres that he had to ask her to marry him. If fictional 7-year-olds are doing it ... it's probably not something real adults should be doing, lol.

mandi921vh · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_omg-im-proposing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:21ade7d6-8d3e-4daa-b5a6-c22296b3346fPost:1fc41527-0209-45fb-902f-9324edd9fd81">Re: OMG... I'm proposing...</a>:
[QUOTE]I find this a little odd... <strong>Does the "grand gesture" necessarily have to be your own "sort of proposal"? It could maybe be something along the lines of wanting to spend the rest of your life with him. Idk...</strong>I think proposing twice is redundant. Also, I agree with yaga. PP, you can't be "pre-engaged." You're either engaged or you're not and right now OP you're still dating, which is awesome in itself.
Posted by kellyt89[/QUOTE]

<div>This is what I was thinking...</div>

entropicbeauty · December 2011

I'm the one that asked my FI to marry me, and you know what? It's perfectly acceptable. Women have fought for equal rights in modern society, so this is definitely one of the things that I don't think Women get to be all "it's the man's job to propose" over.

Good for you! And goodluck on the proposal! Like PPs said, proposal is grand gesture enough

aeroprincess87 · December 2011

I just talked this over with my boyfriend, and he agrees with me that you probably should not "pre-propose" to him. Wait it out and when he wants to propose to you, he will. If you do this though, I would pretty much consider you engaged myself. Why can't your grand gesture be like a really well planned date or something? I do lots of romantic gestures for my boyfriend all the time like making video collages of our relationship, little love notes, or a romantic home made candlelit dinner when he gets home from work. None of which require me to do anything close to proposing to him, which is essentially what you'd be doing. So why not find another idea to show him you love him?

bbyprincesss · December 2011

You're grand gesture should be planning you're dream enagagement and I mean like go all out and let him know in advance that you're planning a date and something super special. I don't know how to word it myself lol, but I would basically give him the perfect setting to propose to you and then if he doesn't by the end of the night you should propose or "pre-propose" to him. You guys have already had this conversation so its not like you're going to offend him and scare him away. The only thing I would be worried about it taking the speical moment away from him. He might have wanted to do something super special for you and if you propose before he does, he may already have something in the works that you don't know about.

Either way pre-CONGRATULATIONS, I bet you're wedding is going to be a blast!

bbyprincesss · December 2011

Oh and don't let some of these posts tell you that you can't be pre-engaged lol, you can be whatever YOU want to be! Just have fun, if you guys are really over the top, and in love it won't matter how you do it or what you call it, it will still be special to you two and isn't that what really matters when its your engagement

.

SingletonTravacanti2012 · December 2011

Don't ask him, "Will you propose to me?" If you want to propose to him, do it. "Will you marry me?" is always good. If you want to drop hints and make a grand gesture, to get him to propose to you, then...be sure you're okay with the outcome, whatever it is.

jaykaye · December 2011

Wow... a lot of negative feedback! Whatevs. I'm doing it! And I know he's going to love it because I know my Keith.

I guess you gotta know us... and our stories. We have both been married before and we each have a 3 year old, so this isn't our "first rodeo" and both of us want everything we didn't get from our first "situations." The stakes are higher when there are kids involved and we definitely don't consider ourselves "just dating" as one post said...

Here's what I'm gonna do tonight after we eat Christmas Dinner and open presents:

I tied red ribbon on the ring and hung it on the tree. Im going to tell him how much I love that he is such a family man and how happy my son and I are to have he and Ethan in our family now. My family has a tradition of giving ornaments for Christmas, so I'm going to tell him that I'm bringing him and E into our tradition... he'll find the ring on the tree... I'll ask him to be my husband... Happily Ever After.

And yes... he's still going to propose. And yes... he's still going to get me a ring. It's not really about who asks who, or rings and such.

We're wierd, I guess. I love it.

redheadfsu · December 2011

There is nothing wrong with a woman proposing. Sounds sweet, I'm sure he will accept. We were just confused as you are talking about proposing to him, but not being engaged. See how that is kind of sexist? That him asking you is what makes it official even though you already asked him to marry you. That your proposal isn't 'official' for whatever reason ( you didn't explain why you can't just ask him and then be engaged).

RamonaFlowers · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_omg-im-proposing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:21ade7d6-8d3e-4daa-b5a6-c22296b3346fPost:13421358-2d74-4953-b661-3aad5279f8bf">Re: OMG... I'm proposing...</a>:
[QUOTE]There is nothing wrong with a woman proposing. Sounds sweet, I'm sure he will accept. We were just confused as you are talking about proposing to him, but not being engaged. See how that is kind of sexist? That him asking you is what makes it official even though you already asked him to marry you. That your proposal isn't 'official' for whatever reason ( you didn't explain why you can't just ask him and then be engaged).
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

Ditto. I don't care if a woman proposes (I didn't, because it wouldn't have flown in my relationship), I just think it's lame that after she proposes, the couple doesn't think they are "really" engaged until the <strong>man</strong> does the asking. A proposal should be a "real" proposal regardless of if the person is male or female.

bbyprincesss · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_omg-im-proposing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:21ade7d6-8d3e-4daa-b5a6-c22296b3346fPost:a376bf79-d97e-464f-8c95-41f0a2cc6417">Re: OMG... I'm proposing...</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow... a lot of negative feedback! Whatevs. I'm doing it! And I know he's going to love it because I know my Keith. I guess you gotta know us... and our stories. We have both been married before and we each have a 3 year old, so this isn't our "first rodeo" and both of us want everything we didn't get from our first "situations." The stakes are higher when there are kids involved and we definitely don't consider ourselves "just dating" as one post said... Here's what I'm gonna do tonight after we eat Christmas Dinner and open presents: I tied red ribbon on the ring and hung it on the tree. Im going to tell him how much I love that he is such a family man and how happy my son and I are to have he and Ethan in our family now. My family has a tradition of giving ornaments for Christmas, so I'm going to tell him that I'm bringing him and E into our tradition... he'll find the ring on the tree... I'll ask him to be my husband... Happily Ever After. And yes... he's still going to propose. And yes... he's still going to get me a ring. It's not really about who asks who, or rings and such. We're wierd, I guess. I love it.
Posted by jaykaye[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>How did it go?!

</div>

aeroprincess87 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_omg-im-proposing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:21ade7d6-8d3e-4daa-b5a6-c22296b3346fPost:10ba86b1-9f18-4f1c-908a-6ac92f4d469c">Re: OMG... I'm proposing...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: OMG... I'm proposing... : How did it go?!
Posted by bbyprincesss[/QUOTE]

I was wondering the same thing. Also there is nothing wrong with you proposing to him IF he is ok with it. But as others asked, if you already propose to him why do you feel like he has to propose to you later on still? Also as a sidenote, just because you've been married once doesn't mean you have learned anything about relationships from your first marriage. Case in point, Kim Kardashian.

jaykaye · December 2011

It was perfect! He was totally surprised and speechless and he loved every minute of it.

As for all the confusion... I think I was just as confused...

Since I wasn't going with the norm, I was trying to figure out what the hell I was really doing, you know? But I did ask him to marry me and we are officially engaged. And he's still going to ask me too... just because he wants to and he wants to get me a ring.

As for this comment: "Also as a sidenote, just because you've been married once doesn't mean you have learned anything about relationships from your first marriage. Case in point, Kim Kardashian."

Hahahahaha! Yes it absolutely does. I'm not Kim Kardashian. I was married and had a child in REAL life. If I didn't learn anything about relationships and what I really want/need out of life, I would have had to been in a comma through the whole thing.

redheadfsu · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_omg-im-proposing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:21ade7d6-8d3e-4daa-b5a6-c22296b3346fPost:dfc06372-5d5f-4720-944f-0dc4831f39e3">Re: OMG... I'm proposing...</a>:
[QUOTE]It was perfect! He was totally surprised and speechless and he loved every minute of it. As for all the confusion... I think I was just as confused... Since I wasn't going with the norm, I was trying to figure out what the hell I was really doing, you know? But I did ask him to marry me and we are officially engaged. And he's still going to ask me too... just because he wants to and he wants to get me a ring. As for this comment: " Also as a sidenote, just because you've been married once doesn't mean you have learned anything about relationships from your first marriage. Case in point, Kim Kardashian." Hahahahaha! Yes it absolutely does. I'm not Kim Kardashian. I was married and had a child in REAL life. If I didn't learn anything about relationships and what I really want/need out of life, I would have had to been in a comma through the whole thing.
Posted by jaykaye[/QUOTE]

Congrats!!!

aeroprincess87 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_omg-im-proposing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:21ade7d6-8d3e-4daa-b5a6-c22296b3346fPost:dfc06372-5d5f-4720-944f-0dc4831f39e3">Re: OMG... I'm proposing...</a>:
[QUOTE]It was perfect! He was totally surprised and speechless and he loved every minute of it. As for all the confusion... I think I was just as confused... Since I wasn't going with the norm, I was trying to figure out what the hell I was really doing, you know? But I did ask him to marry me and we are officially engaged. And he's still going to ask me too... just because he wants to and he wants to get me a ring. As for this comment: " Also as a sidenote, just because you've been married once doesn't mean you have learned anything about relationships from your first marriage. Case in point, Kim Kardashian." Hahahahaha! Yes it absolutely does. I'm not Kim Kardashian. I was married and had a child in REAL life. If I didn't learn anything about relationships and what I really want/need out of life, I would have had to been in a comma through the whole thing.
Posted by jaykaye[/QUOTE]

Well congrats then. And no being married once doesn't mean you learn any lessons about how a relationship is NOT supposed to be. One of my aunts has been married twice and I still don't think she knows how to have a successful relationship. Some people learn from their mistakes and others don't, that's life.

OMG... I'm proposing...

Re: OMG... I'm proposing...

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