"What We Have" List?

flutinkat · July 2010

Hi!
I have a dilemma. I really, really want people to use the registry to buy us gifts, not only because we are a young couple that will move many times in the next ten years for jobs, but also because I quite honestly want exactly what I want. I don't want to be rude about it, so my best solution is to publicize the registry; put it on the website, send it out with the invites, make it accessible and well-kept. My question is: is it rude to send out a list with the bridal shower invitations of the kitchen appliances that we already have, and ask them to use the registry? What about a gift recognition list on the website, showing what people have gotten us? I don't want to sound like a gold-digger, but one of us is finishing college, and one is starting next year, so we're hoping that if people give us gifts, it will be the ones we actually need.

MyNameIsNot · July 2010

Yeah, there's a whole lot of rude going on here.

You can put a link to your registry on your website. Anything else is incredibly rude. If people want to buy you a gift, they will decide what to buy. Demanding that they buy something specific will just make you look horribly greedy and selfish.

Any mention of gifts or registries, other than a simple link on your website, is very inappropriate. Putting info in the invitation, writing about what you have, etc will just give your guests the impression that the only reason you are inviting them is for the gift. Just don't do it.

A gift recognition portion of your website is so appalling, I don't even know where to start.

If you are so particular about you want, go get a job and buy it. It isn't your guests' responsibility to set you up for life, and you need to stop looking at it that way.

pandasquishy · July 2010

Some Internet creep stumbles upon your wedding website... sees your name... sees a huge list of fancy new things you have... looks you up in the yellow pages... oh snap you've been robbed.

tldh · July 2010

Put where you are registered on the website and let the stores keep track of it. People can check the store's web page on line for what you have. Registries are set up for people who inquire as to what you need and they will ask you or your parents where you are registered. The store names can be put in the bridal shower invites. If they go off the list, that's the risk we all take.

It is extremely rude to put any mention of gifts with the wedding invitations. Do not do this for any reason.

If you put out a list of what you already have, what you are registered for, keep track on your website of what has been purchsed off your registry complete with a gift recognition page you are going to look exrtremely greedy and like the prurpose of your wedding is to outfit your house.

And being in a position where you are just finishing college isn't an excuse. In fact, it's likely to really offend people who married years after this milestone who furnished their houses a piece at a time when they could afford it.

GreenPepperBurger · July 2010

A link to your registry on your website is fine, as is on bridal shower invitations. NOT the formal wedding invitation. And as for a "What We Have" list (something I find incredibly tacky), I don't see why someone would go out of their way to not buy something on your registry.

Galaxy8227 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:10cb6309-3478-472f-ade3-7b4c0ad47e2aPost:3da43cfd-82fa-468e-9a30-7caf050fb513">Re: "What We Have" List?</a>:
[QUOTE]A link to your registry on your website is fine, as is on bridal shower invitations. NOT the formal wedding invitation. And as for a "What We Have" list (something I find incredibly tacky), I don't see why someone would go out of their way to not buy something on your registry.
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]

This.

quotequeen · July 2010

A registry is a suggestion list that can be given to guests ONLY in response to the question "what would you like?" Under no circumstances can you demand that guests shop only from your registry. You should never tell anybody where you are registered without them asking, which means you should never put registry information in a wedding invitation. Any sort of list of what you already have or what people have given you so far will make you seem completely and totally focused on gifts. Really, they are not required, and shopping from your registry is most certainly not required.

As PP said, if you really want particular items, then go buy them yourself. It is not your guests' responsibility to give you everything you want in life.

Brie2010 · July 2010

We only put our registries on our shower invitations and wedding invitations.

We got a grand total of two gifts that weren't on the registry, and that was from people who knew about them and just didn't want to use them. Everything else was off the registry or cash. You just don't need to do anything more. People aren't stupid, they'll figure it out. It's pretty much assumed that if you have a registry, that's what you want.

AdeleDazeem · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:10cb6309-3478-472f-ade3-7b4c0ad47e2aPost:bc8cdfdb-18b3-4fc7-b702-6c2e4fae5832">Re: "What We Have" List?</a>:
[QUOTE]We only put our registries on our shower invitations and wedding invitations.
Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]

Brie, you put your registry information on your wedding invitations...? Or was that just a poorly worded sentence?

tldh · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:10cb6309-3478-472f-ade3-7b4c0ad47e2aPost:bc8cdfdb-18b3-4fc7-b702-6c2e4fae5832">Re: "What We Have" List?</a>:
[QUOTE]We only put our registries on our shower invitations and wedding invitations.
Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]

Please say you didn't really do this.

AdeleDazeem · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:10cb6309-3478-472f-ade3-7b4c0ad47e2aPost:7f0bc743-582b-423a-96d8-5fb9f71a41e7">Re: "What We Have" List?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: "What We Have" List? : Please say you didn't really do this.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

I'm willing to bet one million dollars that Brie did not do it and it's just bad wording. But, I want to point out the sentence so that other brides who read this don't think "oh yeah! We can do that, too!"

Brie2010 · July 2010

Oh, cripes, I'm sorry. I meant to say wedding website. Not invitations. Do NOT put registry information on wedding invitations, ever. (Brain fart, obviously!)

stever · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:10cb6309-3478-472f-ade3-7b4c0ad47e2aPost:60392b34-dd6c-4a5b-9b3c-286c008b6aac">Re: "What We Have" List?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, there's a whole lot of rude going on here. You can put a link to your registry on your website. Anything else is incredibly rude. If people want to buy you a gift, they will decide what to buy. Demanding that they buy something specific will just make you look horribly greedy and selfish. Any mention of gifts or registries, other than a simple link on your website, is very inappropriate. Putting info in the invitation, writing about what you have, etc will just give your guests the impression that the only reason you are inviting them is for the gift. Just don't do it. A gift recognition portion of your website is so appalling, I don't even know where to start. If you are so particular about you want, go get a job and buy it. It isn't your guests' responsibility to set you up for life, and you need to stop looking at it that way.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE] This.

PharmacyBride · July 2010

Most people will give you a wedding gift because they want to do something nice to help out a new couple. They will refer to your registry as a guide, because it is less stressful than guessing what you need/want, what matches your style/decor, etc.

I love giving people nice gifts.. but the moment someones acts like they deserve a gift or are in anyway disrespectful about the process... is the moment I lose all desire to give them a gift.

If I witnessed any of the things you intend on doing.. I would either not give you a gift, or give you a cheap crappy gift from a place you could never return it to (ie. ugly craft gift).

If people give you money... spend it on the rest of your registry.. you can usually finish it for 10-20% off. If people give you identical gifts (ie. forgot to tell cashier it was a registry item)... then thank them and exchange it for something else. The solutions to the problems you referred to are not difficult.. but your methods to avoid these issues is completely inappropriate and gift grabby. I would hope two adults with college degrees can realize the people on this board gave you very good advice.

deepcovejackie · July 2010

"I quite honestly want exactly what I want" ...to quote you. Really? Really?? Just charge admission and then you can use that money to get what you want. Sorry if I sound rude, but that's how you sound to me.

I would suggest a registry, and you can post that information on a wedding website. Or your wedding party can spread the word if people ask.

Like pp's, if I got an exacting list of what you have vs what you want, and posted information on who gave you what, I'd give you a card.

flutinkat · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:10cb6309-3478-472f-ade3-7b4c0ad47e2aPost:60392b34-dd6c-4a5b-9b3c-286c008b6aac">Re: "What We Have" List?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, there's a whole lot of rude going on here. You can put a link to your registry on your website. Anything else is incredibly rude. If people want to buy you a gift, they will decide what to buy. Demanding that they buy something specific will just make you look horribly greedy and selfish. Any mention of gifts or registries, other than a simple link on your website, is very inappropriate. Putting info in the invitation, writing about what you have, etc will just give your guests the impression that the only reason you are inviting them is for the gift. Just don't do it. A gift recognition portion of your website is so appalling, I don't even know where to start. If you are so particular about you want, go get a job and buy it. It isn't your guests' responsibility to set you up for life, and you need to stop looking at it that way.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Glad to see everyone is so judgemental.
Just so you know, yes, we both work. Don't assume we don't. I'm not asking that people outfit our house (not that it needs much anymore, that's the point), but I'm also not saying that I want people to waste their money on things we won't use. A simple "no, that's a bad idea" would have sufficed instead of the general assumption that we're both spoiled crack-using willfully unemployed people who are just inviting people to outfit our house, rather than practical people who don't want anyone to waste their money on something we won't use and will have to either put in storage or give it away. Shame on you.

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