my relationship is in trouble

odustudent22 · June 2012

isn't this supposed to be the happiest time of my life? shouldn't FI and I be closer than ever 5 weeks away from our wedding? It seems like all we've been doing lately is arguing. I am starting to get very scared about our relationship. This moring we got into a big fight and so I went for a drive to calm down. I even waited till he got out of the shower to tell him I was going for a drive so he didn't flip out with me just being gone, AND returned before he went to work so that he knew I wasn't "leaving him". When I returned he walked past me like I wasnt even in the room, then left for work without saying a word. Ive been crying for hours. I know that aventually he'll calm down and we'll talk things out, but until then all I can do is stress over the situation.

Lobsters25 · June 2012

odu, I'm really sorry you're going through this.

I can relate, FI and I have had shorter tempers with each other lately, and finally had a good talk about 'all those little things' that are stressing each of us out just last night. I honestly didn't know he was stressed about the wedding until then, but it was really good for us to both get it out on the table, even though we don't haven't quite figured out how to fix it yet.

DeClue82 · June 2012

I have heard that the last 2 months are the most stressful on the relationship. Payments are due, you're down to the wire and on edge about how things will turn out etc... Why not take a night off from any talk of the wedding and maybe go out to dinner and a movie, or the beach, make a whole day of it, and make sure not to mention wedding at all? Just to try and de-stress a little...

Crissy949 · June 2012

It happens. FI and i have both been stressed as well and we hit our breaking point last week. I had nooo idea that he was stressed about certain things..we layed it out on the table like the PP and its been great since. I know you guys are busy and overwhelmed but you cant forget about the importance of communication in the process. Good luck with everything!

haleyrae7 · June 2012

I agree with the other ladies, I too can relate. I've been very short as well and every little thing is bothering the both of us. DeClue82 mentioned things being due right now and it's the truth I know that's a lot of our problem.

I read another one of your posts about your FSD's graduation and stuff. I too sometimes have those slight doubts as I will be getting a FSS (whose 7 and I'm 22). We've lived together for 2 years now, but sometimes I have those slight doubts when I'm extremely stressed.

Just remember why you want to marry one another (our preacher told us to do that) and every time you fight hold on to that. Usually you can't live without one another and that is so much more powerful then something petty. = )

Good luck with everything!!

libby2483 · June 2012

I think that most of this sounds like prewedding stress. I agree with PPs that it would be a good idea to talk about what is stressing you. Has he been helping with the wedding? If not, you may be resenting him for this, even if it is more subconscious. I say this from experience. I'm actually not stressed at all about the wedding, but FI and I are buying a house, and that is very stressful. I had been really snappy with him, and he finally called me out on it. When we talked it out, I realized I felt annoyed because I was planning the majority of wedding stuff and handling everything with the house. After our talk, he took initiative to get more involved. The only part of your post that worries me a little is that you think if you didn't come back right away, your FI would think you were leaving him. Has one of you left the other before or done something that would cause him to think you were leaving him if you didn't come back by the time he went to work? These insecurities might be worth taking a look at as a couple as well. I think if you guys talk things out, then take a night to do something romantic with no wedding talk, it will all be fine.

dawnp917 · June 2012

It is common to be stressed and we often take it out on those closest to us. As PP have said you should sit down and talk about what is stressing you out. Try and remember why you want to marry your FI. Communication is so important to a relationship.

Plan a night or a weekend where you don't do anything wedding related. FI and I are having a wedding free weekend. Friday night we are going on a dinner cruise then Saturday morning we get up bright and early to go hiking in Oregon for the weekend. Between work, moving house and the wedding we are stressed and needed to get away for a bit.

lk&dparker · June 2012

Like everyone else it seems we have had the same issue and it finally came out this weekend. I had a breakdown and laid everything out and he did too. It cleared the air for us because we have to make our last couple payments and I know that has been stressing him out so it was stressing me to make sure we do it. We are paying for everything ourselves like alot of the ladies on here and we have been so "frugal" about our money it just got to be to much last weekend and started a fight because we wanted to do something but were basically broke haha but we talked it out (after out fight) and pulled a little money out of our wedding fund to go get some lunch and see a movie, we both really needed that.
Hope everything works out, Im sure it will this last 2 months are the hardest and Im sure we will all make it through : )

lb1212 · June 2012

I think DeClue had the best advice - get out of the house and do something fun to reconnect! Like all PP's said - wedding planning is stressful. We all get crabby when we get stressed. If you're really worried (and religious), why don't you and FI talk to your minister? Sometimes an outsider can help you see eachother's point of view easier for a faster resolution.

odustudent22 · June 2012

the thing is, he's the one that's blowing up. He's freaking out about every little thing. We both work, and his daughter is being extreamly clingy (she's 18 mind you) so the only way I'm getting out of the house is without him. But, that sounds like a good idea to me too.

skeppler1 · June 2012

Reading all of your posts actually made me feel better and not think that I was the only one in that boat. I am just so on edge and I am sure FI is also, but doesn't show it as much as I do. I am glad that we are getting away this weekend to attend a high school friends wedding. It will be nice to attend one and not worry about ours for the weekend.
We are almost at the end, but don't rush it to fast. I know I will be sad when it is over

Good luck everyone!

dawnp917 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_my-relationship-is-in-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:062e0c49-b1b7-401b-a215-5057d99b605cPost:c9723971-02eb-481e-b83f-f06c3fe498fc">Re: my relationship is in trouble</a>:
[QUOTE]the thing is, he's the one that's blowing up. He's freaking out about every little thing. We both work, and his daughter is being extreamly clingy (she's 18 mind you) so the only way I'm getting out of the house is without him. But, that sounds like a good idea to me too.
Posted by odustudent22[/QUOTE]

I see a couple of red flags in what you say here. If he's the one blowing up and freaking out have you talked to him about what is bothering him. You said earlier that instead of talking to him you left the house. If you really are worried about your relationship tell your FI this and that the 2 of you need a night out together. Explain this to your FSD as well. You getting out of the house without him and not talking about this situation is not going to help.
My FI and I both work as well. In the last 3 weeks I have seen him 6 days because I have been travelling for work. This definitely adds additional stress so we are going away for the weekend not worrying about work, the house, the wedding etc. It would do me no good to get away without him that actually becomes more stressful.

odustudent22 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_my-relationship-is-in-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:062e0c49-b1b7-401b-a215-5057d99b605cPost:2b04bab4-26a6-4df7-bb0d-974d7175183c">Re: my relationship is in trouble</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: my relationship is in trouble : I see a couple of red flags in what you say here. If he's the one blowing up and freaking out have you talked to him about what is bothering him. You said earlier that instead of talking to him you left the house. If you really are worried about your relationship tell your FI this and that the 2 of you need a night out together. Explain this to your FSD as well. You getting out of the house without him and not talking about this situation is not going to help. My FI and I both work as well. In the last 3 weeks I have seen him 6 days because I have been travelling for work. This definitely adds additional stress so we are going away for the weekend not worrying about work, the house, the wedding etc. It would do me no good to get away without him that actually becomes more stressful.
Posted by dawnp917[/QUOTE]

going out without his is more along the lines of I don't have any friends in the town we live in and so I'm either at home or at work, but he's from the area so while I work nights he can go hang out with his buddies....I tend to rely on him for entertainment and I wouldn't mind just having some self time...I have no privacy at home or work

ohnoitskaroljo · June 2012

Yhep, FI and I are in the process of moving into our own place and we have a LOT of stuff going on and have been testy with eachother. He's making me INSANE with moving stuff - I just wanna punch him sometimes. LOL

I'm sure it's just the stress of the impending nuptuals and it'll all pass and things will be great once the wedding comes and you can have a great day together

KTina&BJ · June 2012

Yhep, FI and I are in the process of moving into our own place and we have a LOT of stuff going on and have been testy with eachother. He's making me INSANE with moving stuff - I just wanna punch him sometimes. LOL

This cracks me up cause that is FI and I. We bought a fixer up house and have been working on it for a long time now. Were in the process of finishing touches and I am constantly telling FI he's driving me nuts and I wanna punch him lol.

ohnoitskaroljo · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_my-relationship-is-in-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:062e0c49-b1b7-401b-a215-5057d99b605cPost:b12917a5-85d5-47cf-bbfb-5f5eda865596">Re: my relationship is in trouble</a>:
[QUOTE] LOL This cracks me up cause that is FI and I. We bought a fixer up house and have been working on it for a long time now. Were in the process of finishing touches and I am constantly telling FI he's driving me nuts and I wanna punch him lol.
Posted by KTina&BJ[/QUOTE]
lol we didn't buy a house - we just have an apartment. but we're doing ALL DIY stuff for the wedding and it's not all done so it's crazy right now.

my relationship is in trouble

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