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Crash Wedding Invites?

michedmashmichedmash member
First Comment
in Wedding Invitations & Paper
Does anyone know about these?

I have a pretty large family with a lot of cousins. I would LOVE to have them there...but I can't afford to have them all. This goes for my fiances side as well, him Mom wants to invite a lot of people that he doesn't really know, but she would really like them there. I would love as many people to go as possible, but unfortunately we're not super rich...

I heard about these crash invites that you can send out and want to make sure that it wouldn't be a faux paux to do so...some of the invitations I've seen are really cute...and kind of make it not so cheesy...

Thoughts?
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Re: Crash Wedding Invites?

  • Jessie42613Jessie42613 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2012
    I don't know what they are.  Do you mean invitations to people to crash your wedding?  People who aren't making the guest list?  It just sounds like a cluster you-know-what waiting to happen.
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  • kaos16kaos16 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Perhaps you can show us what you are referring to. . . . but my gut says that once you send an invitation, your crashers morph into guests.
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  • Ali092011Ali092011 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited August 2012
    What is a crash wedding invite?

    If it is what I think it is (you don't "invite" your guests but you tell them where and when the wedding is so they can just show up?), I think it sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Unless your wedding is in someone's backyard and you're prepared to buy enough food and drink to entertain not only your guests, but the crashers, how are you planning on making this work?

    Also, it sounds perilously close to a B-list, which is rude and unacceptable under any circumstances.

    ETA: Okay, I googled it. It appears to be an invitation to join the bride and groom at an after-party. No, OP, you cannot invite people to any wedding-related event if they are not invited to the actual wedding. This is considered a tiered invitation and is very rude.
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  • michedmashmichedmash member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_crash-wedding-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:07954a29-dc62-4c20-b9e6-e941c840a231Post:0560b5e4-d155-4e24-a118-1a417f206b80">Re: Crash Wedding Invites?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know what they are.  Do you mean invitations to people to crash your wedding?  People who aren't making the guest list?  It just sounds like a cluster you-know-what waiting to happen.
    Posted by Jessie42613[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Yah...so I guess...you can set it up so that they show up after the dinner...and so long as you get a place that can potential fit a few extra people it shouldn't really be an issue with planning anything...</div><div>
    </div><div>Here is an example of a picture of an invite that I foudn that was cute:</div><div>
    </div><div><a href="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4058/4665702893_8146fab63a.jpg" rel="nofollow">http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4058/4665702893_8146fab63a.jpg</a></div><div>
    </div><div>I think this is a very new thing because most people I ask haven't heard of it, but there have been a couple who have... 

    </div>
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  • Ali092011Ali092011 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_crash-wedding-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:07954a29-dc62-4c20-b9e6-e941c840a231Post:3ca071b1-2294-4e64-b110-d78537d68dea">Re: Crash Wedding Invites?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Crash Wedding Invites? : Yah...so I guess...you can set it up so that they show up after the dinner...and so long as you get a place that can potential fit a few extra people it shouldn't really be an issue with planning anything... Here is an example of a picture of an invite that I foudn that was cute: <a href="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4058/4665702893_8146fab63a.jpg" rel="nofollow">http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4058/4665702893_8146fab63a.jpg</a> I think this is a very new thing because most people I ask haven't heard of it, but there have been a couple who have... 
    Posted by michedmash[/QUOTE]

    Once you've invited them, they've become your guests. What if they decide to show up early and people are still eating dinner? How will you handle RSVPs? It is NOT a good idea.
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  • LiLe422LiLe422 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_crash-wedding-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:07954a29-dc62-4c20-b9e6-e941c840a231Post:3ca071b1-2294-4e64-b110-d78537d68dea">Re: Crash Wedding Invites?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Crash Wedding Invites? : Yah...so I guess...<strong>you can set it up so that they show up after the dinner...</strong>and so long as you get a place that can potential fit a few extra people it shouldn't really be an issue with planning anything... Here is an example of a picture of an invite that I foudn that was cute: <a href="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4058/4665702893_8146fab63a.jpg" rel="nofollow">http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4058/4665702893_8146fab63a.jpg</a> I think this is a very new thing because most people I ask haven't heard of it, but there have been a couple who have... 
    Posted by michedmash[/QUOTE]

    Thats called a tiered reception and its very rude.

    I have never even heard of a "crash invite."  Who comes up with this shiitt?
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  • casymecasyme member
    First Comment
    Please don't do this.  It's not an honor to be treated as second-class, and to have your nose rubbed in the fact that the bride and groom thought you were important enough to party with late, but not important enough to join the "real" wedding celebration.  Although it might seem counterintuitive to you, it's far more polite and understandable to people if you say that your guest list has to be limited, and you just can't invite everyone you'd like.

    On the other hand, if a big crowd = fun in your opinion, then can you change your wedding plans?  You don't have to be super rich to have a lot of people at your wedding.  There are lots of ways you can economize, such as by having your wedding in the daytime, having it at someone's hosue or backyard, and serving more casual fare (like BBQ).  But if you have your heart set on a country club wedding or the like, then you'll have to just make peace with the fact that you can't invite everyone.
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    Don't do this.   Either invite them to your wedding or don't.  Don't invite anyone to crash your wedding after dinner. Or invite anyone to an afterparty who isn't invited to the wedding.  You are telling them they aren't good enough for you to actual spring for their food or drinks, and the other 100 or so people who were there early are more important to you.

    It's rude.

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

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  • GiamahoganyGiamahogany member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I agree.. If I was in your situation, I'd throw a "Party with the Newlyweds" backyard BBQ or something after the honeymoon and put on the invitations No Gifts Please.
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  • LiLe422LiLe422 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_crash-wedding-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:07954a29-dc62-4c20-b9e6-e941c840a231Post:696cb7f9-9a7b-4e16-94e4-625764e81fac">Re: Crash Wedding Invites?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree.. If I was in your situation, I'd throw a "Party with the Newlyweds" backyard BBQ or something after the honeymoon and <strong>put on the invitations No Gifts Please.</strong>
    Posted by Giamahogany[/QUOTE]

    Never. Ever. mention gifts on an invitation.  Even though you say "no gifts" it tells your guests there is an expectation of gifts.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    Check with your venue, they may still end up charging you something for those people because they might not eat, but they will still drink. In regards to list, figure out how many people you can afford to invite, give each family a percentage of that number. that they can use to invite. Tell them we would love to invite more people but we just can't afford it. We need to invite the people that are most important to us. Then if the parents go, well I want to have this many extra people come then I'm alloted, if I pay for them, can I invite them, then you have the option to say yes or no. Families will go crazy with invites if you let them.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_crash-wedding-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:07954a29-dc62-4c20-b9e6-e941c840a231Post:3ca071b1-2294-4e64-b110-d78537d68dea">Re: Crash Wedding Invites?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Crash Wedding Invites? : Yah...so I guess...you can set it up so that they show up after the dinner...and so long as you get a place that can potential fit a few extra people it shouldn't really be an issue with planning anything... Here is an example of a picture of an invite that I foudn that was cute: <a href="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4058/4665702893_8146fab63a.jpg" rel="nofollow">http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4058/4665702893_8146fab63a.jpg</a> I think this is a very new thing because most people I ask haven't heard of it, but there have been a couple who have... 
    Posted by michedmash[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is not ok.  It's very rude and insulting to the guests, and guaranteed to hurthurt feelings and ruin relationships.  Telling someone they weren't good enough to make the real deal but that they can come by for sloppy seconds after the party is never a good idea.  </div><div>
    </div><div>No, it's not a new thing.  While people continue to come up with new ways to hurt guests and scam gifts with their weddings, this idea has been around for a while.  </div>
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  • LeiselEBLeiselEB member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    The invitations themselves? Very cute. The idea? AWFUL. Please don't do this. I can understand why it's appealing, but it's a horrible idea. 
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  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited August 2012
    I just hate the whole idea that people (not singling you out, OP, just many posters in general who have had questions like this) feel that everyone should be SO honored to come to their wedding at all that they won't mind being not invited to the most important parts of it.

    No, really, I would much rather not be invited at all than be invited as a second-string guest who can only show up after the dinner that you didn't want to pay for me to eat was over.


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  • yoshijoyoshijo member
    First Comment
    I think that invitation is so so rude and would be embarrassed if I ever received one. Please don't do this.
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  • michedmashmichedmash member
    First Comment
    OK well calm down folks...lol. My wedding is not going to be formal at all. It's not going to be at a country club or event hall...and the folks that would be invited I know wouldn't mind at all...especially since they're younger and would really only care about the reception...

    I can see what you're all saying though...so I'll have to think about this some more...
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Treating your guests correctly has NOTHING to do with formality or the age of the guest.  You are trying to validate a very bad idea here.  Please do not travel down this extremely rude road.
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  • willywally5willywally5 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_crash-wedding-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:07954a29-dc62-4c20-b9e6-e941c840a231Post:3111ddcc-34d6-47ea-ad0c-0bb38cc93d42">Re: Crash Wedding Invites?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Treating your guests correctly has NOTHING to do with formality or the age of the guest.  You are trying to validate a very bad idea here.  Please do not travel down this extremely rude road.
    Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Amen, kmmssg!</div><div>
    </div><div>OP, this is a terrible idea. And just because your wedding isn't 'formal' doesn't mean you can throw etiquette and propriety to the wind. What you are considering is a tiered reception and that is horribly rude no matter how cute the invitations are. </div>
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  • GiamahoganyGiamahogany member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I agree, but throwing a party after the formal private wedding is something a lot of couples are electing to do, especially when having a private or destination wedding (not sure if she's having a private wedding).  In my family we have a  "Wedding Breakfast" the day after the wedding, or a cookout when the couple comes back from their honeymoon (depending on when the couple leaves for their honeymoon). Due to tradition, it is a known fact not to bring gifts so its never mentioned on an invite. I'm not sure though, if people who weren't invited to the official wedding are invited to the breakfast, but I know when we've had  cook-out to celebrate the newlyweds, there have been some friends etc. there that were not at the wedding.  

    My point of reference is, its your party you can do as you want too.   
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