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American vs Spanish?? what 2 do?

butterflydyvabutterflydyva
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in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
I´m an american girl marrying a spanish guy.  we don´t really mind mixing traditions but our families are more traditional and we don´t know how to blend an american wedding with a catholic european wedding.  i want bridesmaids, his parents want to sit at the altar. what to do?  how do i involve everyone evenly not just what i want. 

any suggestions?
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Re: American vs Spanish?? what 2 do?

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    bbyckesbbyckes member
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    Talk to your FI and get input from both sides of the family.  We can't tell you what to do.  This is an exercise in effective communication.  Know and understand what the traditions are and figure out a way to incoporate - not everything- but those aspects which are most important.  You'll find a way to work this out.
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    ExpatPumpkinExpatPumpkin member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    I married a Mexican and we had the traditional Catholic ceremony.  I know that Mexico and Spain are very different, but I lived in Madrid for three years and understand the culture, so hear me out...

    Have your bridesmaids, and have them walk down the aisle and wait for you.  When you're at the alter, one of them can take your bouquet and all of them can go sit down in the first or second row on your side.  This is what we did, and he didn't have groomsmen, so it worked out especially well.  His bestman just came up to give him the rings, and to read the Prayer of the Faithful.  And then he sat back down.

    I'd let his parents sit at the alter - along with yours, of course - perhaps you can compromise and have them come up at some point after the homily.  Incorporate the lazo and arras into your mass.  It's really a nice tradition and your American guests will enjoy seeing something different. 

    Have a bilingual ceremony - parts in English and parts in Spanish, not repetitions - or at the very least have your FI say his vows in Spanish.  I think it's a big deal for his parents to hear him say his vows in their native tongue...  Even if they speak English, it's just not the same.

    That's all I can think of for now.  Feel free to look at my bio for any ideas I may have missed.  And let me know if you have any questions ;)
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    riverjibriverjib member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_american-vs-spanish-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:4a3c3ec5-47ee-4406-9e87-fc76441db935Post:437fdf01-9089-41a6-bed8-73bfd6cedee1">Re: American vs Spanish?? what 2 do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I married a Mexican and we had the traditional Catholic ceremony.  I know that Mexico and Spain are very different, but I lived in Madrid for three years and understand the culture, so hear me out... Have your bridesmaids, and have them walk down the aisle and wait for you.  When you're at the alter, one of them can take your bouquet and all of them can go sit down in the first or second row on your side.  This is what we did, and he didn't have groomsmen, so it worked out especially well.  His bestman just came up to give him the rings, and to read the Prayer of the Faithful.  And then he sat back down. I'd let his parents sit at the alter - along with yours, of course - perhaps you can compromise and have them come up at some point after the homily.  Incorporate the lazo and arras into your mass.  It's really a nice tradition and your American guests will enjoy seeing something different.  Have a bilingual ceremony - parts in English and parts in Spanish, not repetitions - or at the very least have your FI say his vows in Spanish.  I think it's a big deal for his parents to hear him say his vows in their native tongue...  Even if they speak English, it's just not the same. That's all I can think of for now.  Feel free to look at my bio for any ideas I may have missed.  And let me know if you have any questions ;)
    Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]

    That's a good compromise. But that's not the only one. Sit down with his parents and ask them what means the most to them. If it's complicated, invite your parents and his for a sit-down brunch. Tell them that you want to honor all family traditions, and they need to help you figure it out. Also speak with all parents personally (you or him) to ascertain that they feel comfortable with it. Make it clear that you're both flexible, since you sound like you are.
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    halydiahalydia member
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    Oh my goodness, I am so happy I found your post!!!

    You're doing the right thing by blending. My fiancee and our parents have all said we should do something in the US and something in Spain. ¡Vaya pesadilla! Best of luck with whatever is decided. And know that there's another American girl trying not to offend or shock her suegros all that much. I'm genuinely considering a big old backwoods party with beer - not wine - for the reception in the US. 

    Where will you get married? There or here? Where in Spain is "there"? 

    Best of luck!

    My life up north.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    preciosa4preciosa4 member
    First Comment
    No single answer to this one...

    We are doing the same thing with (U.S.) American and South American customs.  We both live in the U.S. and frankly most of this is looking like a typical US wedding.  On the other hand, it was deeply important for his mom to escort him down the aisle.  So we're doing that.  It's a little goofy to me, but no biggie, so we'll do it that way.  Sitting at the altar?  No...  (my mom would HATE that!)  It's a little bit of give and take.  Work it out with your fiance, give where you can to find good compromise, and THEN let the parents know.  (THe 2 of you need to be unified in this.)  It all depends on which aspects are most important to the people involved, as well (in part) on the composition of the guests.
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    KnittibellKnittibell
    First Comment
    edited July 2010
    I'm American but have attending weddings in Spain. I married a man from the UK and we had a mix of traditions.

    I say have your dad/his Mom at the alter with you, I LOVE the ideas of him saying his vows in Spanish, and maybe do more traditional Spanish gifts- cigars for men, flowers for women.

    What I did was to make a little section in my programs explaining the different customs from each country- and in your case, I'd do it in Spanish and English. My guests loved it- and I think in your case  it'll be EXCELLENT!!
    Viva Las Novias!!
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    butterflydyvabutterflydyva
    First Comment

    Thank you all for your input.  i have a lot to think of.  families are still unaware of our wedding plans.  we are waiting for some things to fall in place in order to announce it.  but until then i'm planning on how to start the negotations with the different customs.  but thank you once again.

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