Thinking of having a Surprise Wedding

Re: Thinking of having a Surprise Wedding

• Avion22 member

  

  March 2012

  My only concern would be that people might have other conflicting plans that they don't want to cancel for a housewarming/birthday, when the would definitely cancel if they knew it was a wedding.  I'd be pretty upset if I missed your wedding without knowing it was your wedding.

  

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• AdeleDazeem member

  

  March 2012

  My cousin and his wife had a surprise wedding.  It was quite fun.  They cleared the idea with their parents and children first (because getting married without them was non-negotiable), but everyone else was left in the dark.
  
  As far as I know, no one devastatingly missed out.  But, I'm sure if someone RSVPed no that they truly wanted there, a quick phone call to explain the surprise might be best.
  
  I say go for it.

  
  

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• dori851 member

  

  March 2012

  I say go for it as well! I do agree with PP thought that you should probably get the okay from your parents & immediate family. Or at least make sure that they won't miss this event/party/whatever you're calling it for any reason.

  

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• TiffannieF member

  

  March 2012 edited March 2012

  I've never heard of suprise weddings until TK. What I've seen (and what PPs have said) is the only problem is that people might miss it if it were just a BBQ then get upset that they missed the wedding.  If you don't think this will be an issue then go for it.
  
  Also I noticed you said "boyfriend" not FI...
  

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• meg43dea

  

  March 2012

  Thanks everyone!   I think perhaps we might go the route of requesting RSVP's and then letting those that are non-negotiable in on the secret if it appears they can't make it.  I also read that perhaps we should think about telling the family privately first so that no one is in shock when we make the general announcement.
  
  I call him my "boyfriend" because our engagement isn't yet official.  He wants to ask my father, first.  We were just having a lovely trip abroad, we were lost in the moment, and our "unofficial" engagement happened then.  
  
  I don't want to get into any habits or slip accidentally because I don't want to hurt my father's feelings. 

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• jenajjthr member

  

  March 2012

  My brother-in-law and his then girlfriend threw a St. Patrick's Day party and a wedding broke out (in their words).  It was a surprise to everyone, they had a great time, it was exactly what they wanted.  But like other's have said, some people may not come if they don't know about the wedding.  Be prepared for the no rsvp's and be okay with them. 

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• ahmedlovesjenny

  

  March 2012

  What kind of "pre wedding drama" did you want to avoid?

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• meg43dea

  

  March 2012

  "What kind of "pre wedding drama" did you want to avoid?"
  
  Many of the above listed by retreadbride. And to add more detail:
  
  The majority of my older (meaning from a long time ago, not age wise) friends and family live on the other side of the world - the only reasonable half-way point would be Hawaii.  Doing a destination wedding would leave out just as many people on both sides and increase the costs significantly. It would be difficult for many of our non-negotiables to swing such a trip, and too expensive for us to pay for all of them, so we would miss out on sharing the day with them, anyway.
  
  And even with our current plan, we will be hosting the wedding in his home state. If we call it a wedding, peope on my side may still feel obliged to come (and would have to travel an even greater distance than Hawaii), even though they really can't afford to do so. Further, hosting it in his home state could make our guest list swell disproportionately on his side, with long lost friends of his parents, distant cousins and the like.
  
   Hosting a non-wedding will keep the numbers to a reasonable amount, as even if we invite all of the same people, those on the fringe are more likely to skip a birthday/housewarming and, with the proper encouragement (including helping my immediate family with plane fare, under the premise of celebrating my big birthday), those that we really need to be there, will be there.
  
  Lastly, when it comes to such matters, I am an obsessive overachiever, worrier, and perfectionist. I think that planning something more laid back, without expectations, and without the well-intentioned hype brought on by excited family and friends, is the only way I can stay sane through this process and maintain my focus on my demanding job and other obligations in my life.

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