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Crushed

My sister, who is my BFF and MOH, just told me she is going on a nearly month long cruise right before my wedding, which is May 7, 2011.  She won't get back until the day before my rehearsal.  I am crushed.  I can't imagine not having my big sister and main source of support there for me in the weeks leading up to my wedding.  Also, I know I shouldn't be, but I am a little mad too. Don't get me wrong though.  I am happy she'll get to experience Europe with her family and I would never tell her not to go.  I am just sad I won't have her to lean on.
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Re: Crushed

  • edited December 2011
    Not to pry, but how far in advance did you ask her to be in the wedding? Unless you've had a super short engagement, it seems kind of strange that she'd choose to do this. On the other hand, she'll still be there for your rehearsal and big day, which is when you need her the most anyway ;)
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_crushed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:115Discussion:14d7bad4-663e-4f4f-8ef6-8f0b70ef868ePost:73a7dd22-82f7-47f7-a787-626c13f8dc83">Re: Crushed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Not to pry, but how far in advance did you ask her to be in the wedding? Unless you've had a super short engagement, it seems kind of strange that she'd choose to do this. On the other hand, she'll still be there for your rehearsal and big day, which is when you need her the most anyway ;)
    Posted by elcobb[/QUOTE]
    I've been engaged over a year and asked her the morning after I got engaged to be my MOH.  She just started toying with the idea of going on vacation less than a month ago.
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  • edited December 2011
    gosh, your one big drama queen. 

    first the BM not catering to you in showers and now the sister casue she's living her life and going on a cruise. 

    i think you need to postpone your wedding and get some physco therapy help.  no man needs to be getting into this for better or worse..
  • klaphamklapham member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    @andrea: First of all, keep your negative thoughts to yourself! The idea of these knot boards are to get support from fellow brides. How dare you come on here and call ANYONE a drama queen and tell someone you don't even know to get "psycho therapy." We are here to HELP each other, and by calling someone names, questioning an engagement, and degrading them means that coming on these message boards is not the forum for you. We are no longer in middle school, so don't be a mean girl!

    @jaite: your feelings are completely validated. I am pretty far from my wedding, but I have played the role as BM and MOH and from what I can gather the last month of the wedding are the most stressful. Maybe you could commuincate over skype and email? Plus, you can use the support of your fellow brides! Most people on these boards are very supportive! Keep us updated
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_crushed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:115Discussion:14d7bad4-663e-4f4f-8ef6-8f0b70ef868ePost:a0c12922-f201-46c0-b9e1-f77e3f86ed49">Re: Crushed</a>:
    [QUOTE]@andrea: First of all, keep your negative thoughts to yourself! The idea of these knot boards are to get support from fellow brides. How dare you come on here and call ANYONE a drama queen and tell someone you don't even know to get "psycho therapy." We are here to HELP each other, and by calling someone names, questioning an engagement, and degrading them means that coming on these message boards is not the forum for you. We are no longer in middle school, so don't be a mean girl! @jaite: your feelings are completely validated. I am pretty far from my wedding, but I have played the role as BM and MOH and from what I can gather the last month of the wedding are the most stressful. Maybe you could commuincate over skype and email? Plus, you can use the support of your fellow brides! Most people on these boards are very supportive! Keep us updated
    Posted by klapham[/QUOTE]

    @Klapham: Thank you.  Some people can't help themselves, I guess.  I am glad some people are on here to be supportive.  I am not bitter about my sister's impromptu extended vacation.  I'm just sad and a little hurt.  I didn't flip out on her
    or go all Bridezilla on her.  I expressed my feelings and told her to have a good time.  I think that's fair. 

    @Andrea:  Wow seriously. I bet you've never been accused of being judgmental.  I am the furthest thing from a drama queen, but you are entitled to your opinion. My mother taught me that if I didn't have anything nice to say then to not say anything at all. So I will keep my opinion about you to myself.  Have a nice weekend, and good luck with the rest of your wedding planning.
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  • SD3194SD3194 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    GIn Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_crushed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:115Discussion:14d7bad4-663e-4f4f-8ef6-8f0b70ef868ePost:fe95c980-f5a5-43f8-a36f-718f54c51efb">Re: Crushed</a>:
    [QUOTE]gosh, your one big drama queen.  first the BM not catering to you in showers and now the sister casue she's living her life and going on a cruise.  i think you need to postpone your wedding and get some physco therapy help.  no man needs to be getting into this for better or worse..
    Posted by andrea01012009[/QUOTE]


    God, just shutup already. Every time you post it makes me want to gouge my eyes out. If you're going to be a cvnt, at least be good at it.
  • edited December 2011
    Just ignore grumpyfaces.

    I would be a little sad too to not to have her around! Was there some reason that she couldn't go later in the summer? Unfortunately if its already booked then there's probably not much that you can do but know that your feelings are valid!
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  • pirategal03pirategal03 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Guys, let's not get all puppies and rainbows now, that's not who we are.

    I don't think your sister should have to block out huge time periods of her life for your wedding.  If she were going to miss the ceremony, I could understand being upset.  She's your sister, not your servant. 

    There are very few things that can only be done during that time, a seating chart is the only thing I can think of actually.  It doesn't need to be a stressful time at all.  You'll be fine.
  • klaphamklapham member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Let me just say this: we shouldn't be invalidating someone's feelings, or calling them rediculous. Again, the idea is to SUPPORT not to be a mean girl. She is completely entitled to feel upset that her best friend won't be a phone call away. She isn't asking for her sister to be by her side throughout the whole process, just someone to talk to. I have talked to so many women who hate knot boards for this reason...it is not meant to bash, but to support. I don't care if it sounds too "puppies and rainbows," being nice gets you further than being mean.
  • meredithl618meredithl618 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ok, it's not that big of a deal if your MOH is gone for a few weeks before the big day. She's going to be there for everything she said she would and it will be great.  You can't control everything people do and expect them to be available for much except the wedding.  

    Oh and about Andrea, everyone who's been around here for a while knows she posts stuff to stir up the pot. So, if you're really so offended, just ignore it.  Her comments were a little dramatic, but you don't need to get so 'crushed' bc your MOH is going on a cruise that doesn't affect your wedding at all.  

    If you plan and get everything done, you won't have to do that much in the last few weeks anyways.  
  • Beth0882Beth0882 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    If you havne't noticed yet, Andrea likes to post stuff like that all the time.  Very rarely does she post something that is constructive ----  so eventually you will learn to ignore her comments, or you can block yourself from seeing them. 

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  • pirategal03pirategal03 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_crushed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:115Discussion:14d7bad4-663e-4f4f-8ef6-8f0b70ef868ePost:28b36e1c-6589-46dd-9f14-4cc96f70c9d8">Re: Crushed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Let me just say this: we shouldn't be invalidating someone's feelings, or calling them ridiculous. Again, the idea is to SUPPORT not to be a mean girl. She is completely entitled to feel upset that her best friend won't be a phone call away. She isn't asking for her sister to be by her side throughout the whole process, just someone to talk to. I have talked to so many women who hate knot boards for this reason...it is not meant to bash, but to support. I don't care if it sounds too "puppies and rainbows," being nice gets you further than being mean.
    Posted by klapham[/QUOTE]

    I'm about to get totally off of the topic of the OP here, so don't read this in relation to the MOH/Sister's cruise thing:

    Supportive does not always equal "nice".  When I was planning my wedding, I came here for honest opinions about my ideas and thoughts.  I didn't want people to say "oh, that sounds so great!" when I said something that would end up being "cute" but would make my guests uncomfortable.  In order to be supportive you have to be real.  I don't think it's right to tell someone a nice lie, even a little white lie, if telling the truth would help them more. 

    When you're (I'm using the general "you" here) shopping with your friends and one of them tries on something that isn't flattering and says "what do you think!?" do you tell her she looks great just because you can tell she's excited? Or do you tell her that those pants really look like they were cut for an 80 year old with a saggy rear-end, and aren't flattering on her at all?

    So I'll agree that being nice gets you further than being mean.  But I'll take it a step further and say that being honest and real can get you even further than being nice. 

    The "If you don't have anything nice to say" rule only works if you know that people are purposefully not saying anything.  In TK forums you have no way to tell how many people read a thread.  If someone comes up with an idea to make their guests dance the polka in order to get a drink ticket at the reception, and one person comes in and says "That sounds like fun!" but 10 people don't respond because they don't have anything nice to say about the idea, how is that helpful at all?
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies!  I am not trying be dramatic here.  I am super close to my sister (MOH).  We talk everyday, and see each other all the time.  I am going to miss her, and I am sad she'll be MIA in the month leading up to the wedding.  I don't think that's a ridiculous feeling.  Who wouldn't miss the their closest confidant if they couldn't talk to them for a month, especially during a unusually stressful time. It has nothing to do with her not being here to do projects for me, but has everything to do not being able to talk to my big sister for a month.

    I hope all of you have productive, fun weekends!
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  • pirategal03pirategal03 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_crushed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:115Discussion:14d7bad4-663e-4f4f-8ef6-8f0b70ef868ePost:d60b102a-3312-42d7-a49d-dbca03d2a6f8">Re: Crushed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks ladies!  I am not trying be dramatic here.  I am super close to my sister (MOH).  We talk everyday, and see each other all the time.  I am going to miss her, and I am sad she'll be MIA in the month leading up to the wedding.  I don't think that's a ridiculous feeling.  Who wouldn't miss the their closest confidant if they couldn't talk to them for a month, especially during a unusually stressful time. It has nothing to do with her not being here to do projects for me, but has everything to do not being able to talk to my big sister for a month. I hope all of you have productive, fun weekends!
    Posted by JaiteJanerico[/QUOTE]

    I can in some ways relate to that, as I haven't been able to talk to my best friend in almost 9 months now.  But, she'll be there for you, "crushed" seemed a little extreme.  What you've said here makes sense, as it seems you'd miss her even without your wedding coming up. 

    You'll just have to come and talk with us instead <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_crushed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:115Discussion:14d7bad4-663e-4f4f-8ef6-8f0b70ef868ePost:5d536b67-aba5-4ee2-a027-ac9bf3c24d02">Re: Crushed</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Crushed : I'm about to get totally off of the topic of the OP here, so don't read this in relation to the MOH/Sister's cruise thing: Supportive does not always equal "nice".  When I was planning my wedding, I came here for honest opinions about my ideas and thoughts.  I didn't want people to say "oh, that sounds so great!" when I said something that would end up being "cute" but would make my guests uncomfortable.  In order to be supportive you have to be real.  I don't think it's right to tell someone a nice lie, even a little white lie, if telling the truth would help them more.  When you're (I'm using the general "you" here) shopping with your friends and one of them tries on something that isn't flattering and says "what do you think!?" do you tell her she looks great just because you can tell she's excited? Or do you tell her that those pants really look like they were cut for an 80 year old with a saggy rear-end, and aren't flattering on her at all? So I'll agree that being nice gets you further than being mean.  But I'll take it a step further and say that being honest and real can get you even further than being nice.  The "If you don't have anything nice to say" rule only works if you know that people are purposefully not saying anything.  In TK forums you have no way to tell how many people read a thread.  If someone comes up with an idea to make their guests dance the polka in order to get a drink ticket at the reception, and one person comes in and says "That sounds like fun!" but 10 people don't respond because they don't have anything nice to say about the idea, how is that helpful at all?
    Posted by pirategal03[/QUOTE]

    I agree that nice doesn't always equal right.  I've been told that I am brutally honest, but I also learned that there's a time a place for everything.  We don't have to always give rosy comments, but we don't have to aim to be rude (not directed at you.)  Tack can make all the difference in the world.  I try to read a situation before I comment.  If someone seems like they are talking about a sensitive subject or is more emotional than normal, I will pick my words more carefully than I would if they're asking a general question.  I also think everyone is entitled to their opinions and feelings, but it's no one's job to tell them what they are thinking or feeling is wrong.  I had a professor in college who would ask you your opinion and when you told her what it was she would say "No, you're wrong" if you gave one that she didn't agree with.  That used to drive me nuts.  How can someone's opinion be wrong?   The same goes with feelings.  If someone comes here to express her feelings who are we to tell her to she's wrong for feeling what she's feeling?  I try to put myself in someone else's shoes.  How would it make me feel if someone told me I was being ridiculous when I was hurt by something?

    I agree that maybe "crushed" was a poor choice of title.    It was what I was feeling at the time.  I posted right after I got off the phone with my sister and she told me her plans.  I was sad and had actually teary ,which is not like me.  I should have been more thoughtful when posting. I am still learning how to use these boards.  I really do appreciate all constructive comments.  Reading the various opinions on this post has helped me deal with my initial emotions and put them into perspective.  It also helped me take a step back and reevaluate the situation. 
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  • carolinagal78carolinagal78 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think there's a big difference in giving a opinion and just being plain rude. It's not puppies and rainbows here but to call someone names and to say they need psycho therapy is a lil extreme to me. She could have just said I don't see what the problem is, at least your sis is going to be there but no instead she belittled which is wrong.
     
    If you can't say anything nice then dont say anything at all still applies here in my humble opinion. It takes more effort to be mean than it does to just overlook posts PERIOD if you dont't typically like what the person has to say. Why even read it?!

    Also, there was some drama going on like this on my wedding month board and girls got all catty. We finally got it all worked out and its a much better place to be. We are all ladies trying to plan a wedding. Lets stick together and try to help each other out. If that's not your style then just go on your merry way. Everyone is entitled to an opinion but I think some girls get a lil carried away.
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  • carolinagal78carolinagal78 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Now on to my comment about the real issue.

    I don't think its that bad that your sis decided to take a vacation. I'm glad she is going to be there for the rehearsal and wedding. I agree w/pp. Thats when you will need her most anyway. It could be worse and she not be there at all. Think positive! It will all work out.
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