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Staggering Wedding Invites

frosting100frosting100 member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Sooo...is it ok to "stagger" who you invite between two rounds?  That is, to mail to one group, wait for some responses, then invite additional based on how much space (meaning budget) is left?

I know to consider who might know who first.  But is this bad form overall?  Or any pitfalls I'm not thinking of?
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Re: Staggering Wedding Invites

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    MandK9MandK9 member
    First Comment
    That's called tiering your guest list, and it's really not very nice.  I know it's better for budget, but people are pretty smart.  There's a good chance they'll realize they're getting their invitation quite late, which means they're on the B list.  It makes the second tier feel unimportant, and will offend people.


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    DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    No, it's not ok.  Sorry.
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    frosting100frosting100 member
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    Ok, it makes sense when you put it that way.  Thanks!
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    hellerc1hellerc1
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_staggering-wedding-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ced14ed-5e75-4e38-ab50-5e0995cec634Post:ef8f1dee-a84d-4101-b107-e884517b952e">Re: Staggering Wedding Invites</a>:
    [QUOTE]No, it's not ok.  Sorry.
    Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

    This and I will add it's rude.
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    MandK9MandK9 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_staggering-wedding-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ced14ed-5e75-4e38-ab50-5e0995cec634Post:49e91bc1-d0dd-42fa-9c01-f0150365c355">Re: Staggering Wedding Invites</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok, it makes sense when you put it that way.  Thanks!
    Posted by frosting100[/QUOTE]

    No problem! :)
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    mkruparmkrupar member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    It's also known as a B List. Not ok from an etiqeuette standpoint.

    good Luck!
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Glad you are rethinking this.  As of this morning this is a question in our family, but from the guest perspective.

    My nephew is getting married May 27th.  My oldest DD's are his step-cousins, but they are always invited to the same family functions.  My BIL called several weeks ago for their addresses for the wedding.  I gave them a heads up that this had happened and that the wedding was Friday night of Memorial Day weekend so they wouldn't be caught off guard.

    My RSVP date was May 1st, which I thought was early.  My DDs still have not received invitations.  With the early RSVP date, I am wondering if they have an A/B list going. 

    3 of our dds are married and I have extreme sympathy for not being able to include everyone in the guest list.  Since FOG asked for addresses I'm not sure what to think....and neither are my dds.

    Again, glad you are rethinking this one!
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    Avion22Avion22 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Yeah, think of how weird it would be to have friends or relatives who received invitations to a wedding, when you didn't. Then, about a month later, your invitation shows up.  Fishy....people are smart, and can put two and two together.

    Having said that, there are several instances where I have been a "b-list" guest at work friends' weddings.  It's common in my workplace for people to wait until their friends and family RSVP before opening up the invitations to people from work (there are a lot of us, so inviting everyone could be a budget-buster).  Am I offended by being B-listed?  In this instance, I'm not.  But like I said, this is common in my workplace, so I understand.  
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    browneydgrlbrowneydgrl
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    I'm glad someone asked this because I was wondering as well.
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    twohollydaystwohollydays member
    First Comment

    Also it really isn't worth all the work to try to fill seats. We made a complete list of those invited and we are sticking to it. If someone tells us he cannot make it. We aren't trying to replace him for several reasons. What if they say no and then call all excited a few weeks before because their plans changed and their seat has been given away? Or people talk at the shower and the "B" list person is going to find out she was a b lister and maybe be hurt. 

    We haven't sent our invites out yet BUT I asked several questions on here about making the list and decided not to b list. It is a good idea and it is a lot of work. If I really wanted to invite more people I could have selected a cheaper venue. Since I didn't I have to invite who I can afford. 

    I honestly didn't realize how much trouble a "b" list would be BUT I'm glad I thought it out and asked lots of questions before doing it. 

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    aliiorioaliiorio member
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    I must say I disagree with most replies on this board. I think there are certain instances when a staggered guest list is great, especially when people on the A list are family that live far away. These are people that you must invite and want there but may not be able to make it. I think as long as the A list are family and the B list are friends that live close by this is fine. Some venues, including mine only have enough room for so many people so it's not a matter of paying for extra food. Also, because A listers are family and B listers probably friends that live close by, they do not know each other and will not be discussing the dates of their invites. That's just my take on it.
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    frosting100 said:
    Sooo...is it ok to "stagger" who you invite between two rounds?  That is, to mail to one group, wait for some responses, then invite additional based on how much space (meaning budget) is left?

    I know to consider who might know who first.  But is this bad form overall?  Or any pitfalls I'm not thinking of?
    No, it is not ok to do this.  It is rude and bad form- it's called B listing. 

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    arrippaarrippa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    aliiorio said:
    I must say I disagree with most replies on this board. I think there are certain instances when a staggered guest list is great, especially when people on the A list are family that live far away. These are people that you must invite and want there but may not be able to make it. I think as long as the A list are family and the B list are friends that live close by this is fine. Some venues, including mine only have enough room for so many people so it's not a matter of paying for extra food. Also, because A listers are family and B listers probably friends that live close by, they do not know each other and will not be discussing the dates of their invites. That's just my take on it.
    Such bad etiquette advice on an etiquette board. It's never okay to B list people. People figure it out and feeling get hurt.
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    jellybeannjellybeann member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    @KnotPorscha this thread was resurrected from over two years ago. Close?
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    aliiorio said:
    I must say I disagree with most replies on this board. I think there are certain instances when a staggered guest list is great, especially when people on the A list are family that live far away. These are people that you must invite and want there but may not be able to make it. I think as long as the A list are family and the B list are friends that live close by this is fine. Some venues, including mine only have enough room for so many people so it's not a matter of paying for extra food.   Then you only invite the max number of people your venue allows, period.  Also, because A listers are family and B listers probably friends that live close by, they do not know each other and will not be discussing the dates of their invites.  When couples B List it always comes out and people get pissed.  That's just my take on it.
    This is the etiquette board, and you can disagree with what is being said all you want, but the advice we give is for proper etiquette.

    B Listing is rude and it's never ok.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    aliiorio said:
    I must say I disagree with most replies on this board. I think there are certain instances when a staggered guest list is great, especially when people on the A list are family that live far away. These are people that you must invite and want there but may not be able to make it. I think as long as the A list are family and the B list are friends that live close by this is fine. Some venues, including mine only have enough room for so many people so it's not a matter of paying for extra food. Also, because A listers are family and B listers probably friends that live close by, they do not know each other and will not be discussing the dates of their invites. That's just my take on it.
    You dug up this old post to say that B listing is ok?  People will realize their B listed when they get an invitation and the RSVP date is in 2 weeks or less - doesn't matter it its family or friends.  If you want more people at your wedding, then find a venue that can accomodate them all!
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Fuck, I fell for the trap.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    aliiorio said:
    I must say I disagree with most replies on this board. I think there are certain instances when a staggered guest list is great, especially when people on the A list are family that live far away. This assumes there exists a B list - which is rude and against etiquette. There should be only one list: people invited to the wedding. These are people that you must invite and want there but may not be able to make it. I think as long as the A list are family and the B list are friends that live close by this is fine. It's not. Some venues, including mine only have enough room for so many people so it's not a matter of paying for extra food. Also, because A listers are family and B listers probably friends that live close by, they do not know each other and will not be discussing the dates of their invites. So you're planning to essentially lie to the B-listers. If they're not important enough to be on your "A-list" or be honest with, why are they on your list at all? That's just my take on it.
    B-listing = against etiquette. No matter who they are or where they live. It's rude.
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