Just Engaged and Proposals
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People are weird about rings (vent)

I have fibromyalgia, which is a chronic pain condition, and it often acts up my hands. Today before heading off to work it was acting up, and my engagement ring was just too much to bear. It felt like my finger was going to break under the weight of it. So I took my ring off and left it at home, locked in my desk drawer for safety.

When I got to work, one of my employees, Steph, noticed I wasn't wearing my ring. She basically flipped out. She assumed that the engagement was over. I told her that everything was fine and dandy, just that my fibro was acting up and I couldn't handle it. She still kept running on the assumption that it meant something big. She believes that the ring IS the commitment, and that taking it off symbolizes the end of a relationship. A few months ago another employee, Hadley, lost her wedding ring down the shower drain and went several days without it before a plumber got it, and Steph literally cried and told Hadley that she wasn't married anymore.

Then over the day several of my regulars made comments on it, wondering if everything was okay. I'm touched that they care that much, but I don't like talking about my fibro that much, because I get tired of the "But you don't LOOK sick" comments.  Today I even got a "Is he sure he wants to marry someone with a disease" comment, which nearly set me off!  It was so rude!

I almost want to put a big "OUR ENGAGEMENT IS F-CKING FINE" sign out front. I'm normally not very snarky, but I can be when I'm pushed, and today I was pushed pretty damn far. I physically cannot wear my ring all the damn time. Besides having fibro, I'm a baker, and if I wore my ring all the time at work it would get all sorts of dirty and gross. I'm thinking I'm going to invest in a chain so I can wear it as a necklace just to get some peace and quiet!
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Re: People are weird about rings (vent)

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    yes, people are really weird. A ring is a symbol, not the committment. 
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    As the prior poster said the ring is a symbol it is not the commitment itself.

     I am sure I will go through this as well. I have a rare hybrid of seronegative RA/AS and my hands do strange things. We actually bought my e-ring 3/4 size big the same size as the ring I currently wear on that hand after talking to my rheumatologist. He was a little suprised when I asked him about ring sizes but told me to go big like the old one so that when my hands do swell it doesnt cut off the circulation and make it worse.
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    oooomg I know. 
    I work out. 
    A lot. And if I'm lifting weights, I'm not going to wear jewelry because it hurts and.. well ruins the jewelry. 
    I often forget to throw my rings back on (I'm not much of a jewelry wearer so it's an easy thing to not think about for me) and will run to lunch or drinks with friends.
    Then everyone acts like I'm trying to pick up guys and not look like a married woman. 
    Really!? 
    No.. Not even a little bit. Pretty much effing love my husband.. just came from the gym, drama queens :P 

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    I'm glad I'm agreed with (although I expected as much from you fabulous forward-thinking ladies!) and my FI couldn't believe the insensitivity. He's been dealing with my fibro since we first started dating, he's seen me at my worst, he knows what I'm dealing with. He knows what he's getting into. I just wanted to scream at her (at both of them).
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    Hi! 
    I have had chronic renal failure my whole life and because of a couple of stints (9months when I was 16 and 3 years starting when I turned 21) with dialysis and kidney transplants I have had multiple surgeries (I think I'm at 8) on my left arm I cant wear my ring on my left hand! The swelling and frankenarmesque quality, well my fiance and I agreed that the right hand would be just fine for my beautiful sapphire ring. :) 

    Having a condition that doesn't show unless you are run ragged or in the throws of a.. flair up? Is a pain in the butt and having people comment all the time on something that doesn't even concern them to begin with is, well quite ludicrous!

    Stay strong and do whatever you need to! If the relationship is good and the commitment is there for you both, screw those that need to see a ring to believe it!
    photo marchsiggy.jpg This baby is like the Spanish Inquisition... No one expected it! Lilypie Pregnancy tickers BabyFruit Ticker
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    Steph is an immature little drama queen.  I am stunned at the immaturity she displays and I'd have to tell her so.  
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    I'm sorry you are having to deal with such rude people, their reactions are grossly uncalled for.  The best you can do is just ignore them though and be secure in the fact that both you and your FI are happy and anyone who questions that over a piece of jewelry is a tool. 

    Out of curiosity, is 'Steph' married??
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    Steph is not married. She's not dating anyone. But she's super obsessed with weddings and marriages. I'm expecting she'll throw another fit when she figures out she's not a bridesmaid.
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    Wow, she sounds lovely.

    Some people are just douchecanoes. 
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    I totally understand how you feel. I have been living with fibro since I was 13, diagnosed at 24. If your like me its not just the fibro, its all the other things that come with it too. Are you familiar with the spoon theory?
    http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

    I recomment printing this out and giving a copy to everyone in your life.
    ?We are formed and molded by our thoughts. Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy when they speak or act. Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them.? ~ Buddha
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    After reading all of this, will you please post her reaction when she finds out she's not a bridesmaid?? haha. 

    I agree with everybody else...the ring is not the commitment. It's a symbol. I forget my rings all the time and I almost always wear jewelry. My thing is that I take it off to shower, put on lotion, when I exercise, etc. so a lot of the times, it doesn't get put on in between, especially right now with it being summer, I'm not out in public a lot (I'm a teacher). 

    If someone else tells you you don't look sick and they can't believe your FI would want to marry someone with a disease, let me know, I'll come travel to wherever you are and help take care of them ;) My FI has crohn's disease and does that stop me? Nope. Does he look like he has a disease? Nope. Doesn't change the facts.
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    I was just going to ask too, if you would post her reaction to not being a bridesmaid.  Is she invited to the wedding?
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    Pretty much all my employees are invited to the wedding (it's a small business and I like having a close relationship with my employees. A family feeling helps things runs moother, I find) but I'm not sure how much longer I will have her in my employ.

    Oh, and I'll definitely post the reaction when she figures it out.
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    This chick needs something REALLY worth worrying about.  Good gravy.
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    It's a ring - not a shackle.  I would leave her be, and if she brings it up again just tell her it's none of her business.
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    I agree!

    n Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_people-are-weird-about-rings-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:f0f10497-ac2b-43b5-84b0-03373b73d7d3Post:dff7e3a2-1a9d-4284-85f4-4cdd525f8d16">Re: People are weird about rings (vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]This chick needs something REALLY worth worrying about.  Good gravy.
    Posted by mbrischoux[/QUOTE]
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    OMG!!! I cannot believe how rude people can be! I am with you I would not be able to handle it. I wear my ring all the time, except when I am boxing, for obvious reasons, but I have a lot of friends who dont wear theirs all the time. Its the end of the world and its completely up to you! And further more its NONE OF HER BUSINESS... I kind of want to pop her a little bit...

    But I would invest in a chain, but that would jsut be me,. More for peace of mind. i get so nervous when I take my ring off for any reason, so if I had to take if off more often than I do I would lilke to have it physically with me just for peace of mind. Keep your chin up though, don't sweat the stupid people, the world is full of them!
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    your heart is a symbol of commitment... a ring never made a commitment....but i like the idea of you wearing a chain.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_people-are-weird-about-rings-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:f0f10497-ac2b-43b5-84b0-03373b73d7d3Post:2c7f4e6f-2f17-478d-b6cd-6e44e381812b">Re: People are weird about rings (vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]As the prior poster said the ring is a symbol it is not the commitment itself.  I am sure I will go through this as well. I have a rare hybrid of seronegative RA/AS and my hands do strange things. We actually bought my e-ring 3/4 size big the same size as the ring I currently wear on that hand after talking to my rheumatologist. He was a little suprised when I asked him about ring sizes but told me to go big like the old one so that when my hands do swell it doesnt cut off the circulation and make it worse.
    Posted by dewingedpixie[/QUOTE]


    * If your hands change often and you are afraid of losing your ring see if a local jeweler can add what is commonly known as "sizing beads" they are 2 gold balls soldered on the inside of the ring so that it can still fit you when your hands change.. generally they are made to help in these situations.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_people-are-weird-about-rings-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:f0f10497-ac2b-43b5-84b0-03373b73d7d3Post:1a60eaea-b935-49a5-9af9-3cec979e24a8">Re: People are weird about rings (vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: People are weird about rings (vent) : My husband is currently wearing his wedding ring on his right hand for exactly this reason -- not the esthetics, but the swelling from numerous fistula surgeries and revisions.  He will be getting a new kidney very soon!  How are you doing now?  Are you on dialysis or do you have a successful transplant?
    Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>hi!</div><div>I am actually incredibly luck to have recieve a annon donation, (unfortunatly it was a deceased donor situation, but they donated as much as they could a quite a few people got a new lease on life <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /> ) </div><div>Transplanted on 7/28/10 so almost 2 years with Hemi - yeah I named my kidney. lol. And my fiance comes to some of my appts and has met my important doctors. He even doesnt mind that my fistula keeps growing even though it doesnt get poked right now. I swear I forget about that thing until it vibrates against my side or something, babies love it though, set them on or near it and the buzzing is soothing. </div><div>Im actually really glad to hear of other people making the most of what they have and not letting other people getting in the way of it. :) </div><div>
    </div><div>Good luck and best wishes to both you and your husband LucyHC </div><div>
    </div><div><span style="white-space:pre;" class="Apple-tab-span"> </span>AND Everyone Else!! </div>
    photo marchsiggy.jpg This baby is like the Spanish Inquisition... No one expected it! Lilypie Pregnancy tickers BabyFruit Ticker
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    I totally agree! I always take my ring off when I shower out of some fear that it is going to end up down the drain. One day we had a meeting with a potential venue, and in the rush to leave and get there on time I left my ring on the bathroom counter. I didnt realize until we were halfway there.
    While we were there speaking with the vendor, she just kept looking at my hand, and I could tell she wasnt taking us seriously.
    I don't understand what the big deal is! A ring does not define the relationship! Crazy!

    And as for those people who made those dumb remarks: Your coworker sounds like she might need therapy if she is getting that worked up over other peoples relationships. And the person who made the remark about your fibro, well they just dont even deserve a response!

    Try  not to let them get to you! You have someone who loves you no matter what! Not everyone can say that :D
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