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Massachusetts-Cape Cod
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HOLY MOM-ZILLA!

lynneuncc3lynneuncc3
First Comment
in Massachusetts-Cape Cod
WOW! my mom is going to drive me insane before next august! I have a question for all of you... our wedding is in the cape, which means EVERY SINGLE one of our guests are "out of towners". my mom is insisting on inviting my whole family to the rehersal and dinner because they aren't "from there". I do NOT want everyone at the rehersal, afterall why dont we just get married then if everyone will be there!? My dad and I say bridal party, and immediate family (sisters and grandparents). My FMIL is giving us X amount of money for the dinner and told us to do with it as we want, and if there is extra put it towards something else, which is GREAT! and another reason the dinner should be kept low, so perhaps my FI and I can splurge a little where we werent going to... AGGGGHHHH! hahaah has anyone else been in this boat, and how do i tell MY mom to take a chill pill! (PS she also wants to get everyone a hotel/motel room too! SHE IS INSANE!!!!!)
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Re: HOLY MOM-ZILLA!

  • bpcmarjbpcmarj member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Are you paying for the wedding or is your mom?  I think that makes a big difference.  If she insists on getting all the OOT people a hotel room and is paying for that, then that's her choice.  If she is insisting YOU get everyone a hotel room and that is not in your budget, tell her that.  Maybe you could compromise by getting everyone a welcome bag or something with local items, maybe with a suggestion for a nice place to have dinner the night before your wedding!  I don't know when the OOTers at a rehearsal dinner came into place, but I was always under the impression that it is only the bridal party and immediate family.  Good luck (and at least it is YOUR mom so that you may feel more comfortable telling her how you are feeling...I would have a tougher time with the FMIL!)
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  • missusbeemissusbee
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    My FIL wanted to invite his OOT family to the RD too, and didn't seem too pleased when we pointed out that virtually everyone was from OOT. H and I explained that we wanted the RD to be a way to thank each of our wedding party members for their involvement in our wedding. Hosting the meal was a way to show them our appreciation, and we made a big show of thank you toasts to them, and their gifts as well. FIL understood that argument.

    We held a welcome bonfire after the RD and opened that part up to all OOTs--everyone was happy.

    image
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  • Homeschoolmom5Homeschoolmom5
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You know, we were in a quandry about this one, too.  Most of our family (groom's family) are from many states away, and we don't get to see them that often.  I really wanted them all at the rehearsal dinner and since we were paying for it, we went with it.  We had the bridal party, the bride's immediate family, grandparents and a cousin(offered to have all, but they declined) and all of our family.  It came to 48 people with 80 or so actually going to the wedding.  Looking back now, I wish we could have had everybody!  It was a great start to a wonderful wedding weekend, and it just seemed to prolong the joy.  The wedding day itself goes by so fast, that having everyone there the night before to party really helped to keep the fun going.  You invest so much money and time into the one 6 hour day, why not enjoy it for as long as you can?  It worked for us!
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  • cmarston13cmarston13
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I can definitely see both of your points. There are a lot of people traveling and spending a lot of money to come to your wedding and your mom probably wants everyone to feel at home and be able to celebrate with you. I am not sure of providing everyone with hotel rooms, but that certainly depends on if it is coming out of your budget or her pocket :) I am from CT and we are having our wedding in Plymouth on 4th of July weekend. Everybody from my family and friends are out of town. We are inviting about 225 people. Our plan, since our wedding is on a Sunday, is to have our rehearsal early afternoon and then I think bring our family and bridal party out for a drink afterwards to thank them for their time, energy, money, support, etc. After that we will go back to my M/FIL's house for a big BBQ celebration.

    This is something we really wanted though to extend the party and celebrating, but that is us. I can certainly understand if you want something more private though if that is more of your personalities. I am sure that you and your Mom can come to an agreement that works for everyone. Dont forget - she is just trying to accomodate her (and your) guests (who are traveling and probably spending a good chunk of money to see you marry) and make them feel welcome, as well as accomodate you, and is probably just so excited to see everyone in general.

    I am sure it will all work out. Just take a deep breath. Looking back, I think you will definitely appreciate her excitement and involvement in helping (while it certainly seems insane right now) :)
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