So, I know a lot of you ladies pretty well (at least I feel like I do) and I need to get this out somewhere. Respond however you wish... I'm just having a weird night and need to talk.
A few weeks ago I got into a huge fight with one of my BM's. This happened because she threw the most ludicrous fit when Mike and I had to cancel on her, for her birthday dinner. We cancelled because Mike had inadvertently found out right before we were about to leave, that they were taking his grandfather off life support.
This is girl was absolutely cold and heartless (though she was a friend of both of us) and made it into this overly dramatic production about how I was a liar and how she was tired of people ditching her that night. **yes, I made up a lie about someone DYING, which she already knew about, so that I could get out of your birthday dinner.****
I said some not so nice things but nothing over the top just told her that I thought she was being selfish ect. This turned into a 3 day argument over texting that she would NOT stop. The last day she texted me at 7AM bitching about a 4square checkin from my phone. If you don't know what four-square is, Google it, it's stupid. At 7am she texted to yell at me about this checkin. 7AM. When I was sleeping.
At that point I was so unbelievably fed up with her I told her that I loved her and cared about her but that her neediness and desperate need for attention was too much for me. I dropped it. She texted me every hour on the hour getting more and more mean. Honestly, I would never EVER talk to anyone like she did to me. (example: She told me that if I tried to kill myself, she hoped I was successful because it would make everyone happy. Told me my life was worth nothing and proceeded to list off everything personal that I had told her, and that if she was me she would have killed herself a long time ago. I needed a psychiatrist because I was the one on crazy meds. That I was delusional if I thought Mike and I would make it because he was too good for me.) -- she told that to him, too.
I called the police and got her to stop harassing me but the damage was done. As most of you know - I have bi-polar disorder and severe anxiety. I've only been medicated since Feb. right around when she and I re-connected again. With everything else that had been going on what she said just destroyed me. I didn't tell anyone but Mike and he went off on her, too.
I tried really hard not to let it get to me but anyone with any kind of mood disturbance/depression knows that all it takes is one thing to set it off. So much had fallen on me since July that I couldn't take it anymore. I ended up trying to overdose on acetaminophen (I took 14 500mg extra strength tablets at once.) but it only landed me in the ER. I tried again by drinking Tylenol with codeine, taking Tylenol, vicodin and klonopins. I slept for 18 hours straight and was shocked when I woke up the next evening.
I've talked about it to the necessary people, however, it's still hanging over my head. I'm fighting it with everything I have but Mike is pretty much checked out of our relationship right now (I dunno what is going on) and I'm alone a lot. We've talked ad nausea but it's not giving me anything. I'm just wondering if everything is one big mistake. I'm starting to doubt everything now and I hate it. I know I need to see a psychologist but that can't happen til Monday and I needed to get this out now.
I'm not looking for sympathy, for anyone to feel sorry for me or for anything really. I just needed to put these thoughts somewhere instead of in my head. Honestly, if things ever get to that point again, I just want to thank you ladies for being a great support system, a kick in the ass, and provider of laughs over the last few months. This board has really helped me get away from things for a minute.
I know this is long and I am super sorry if you went through this entire thing. I just needed to journal somewhere and for someone to see it.
You all are fantastic people even if everyone doesn't always agree.
