Pre-wedding Parties

Advice needed ~ Shower planning issues

Hello! Here is the dilema.  I really was not interested in having a bridal shower but due to some close family and my bridesmaids thoughts they convinced me it would be ok.  My FI aunt offered to host a long time ago, so I agreed.  Now we are trying to plan the shower and I am more stressed about it than the wedding!  They picked a Sunday afternoon and I have specified a number of times for it to not go past 3 for my out of town guests (i.e. my side of the family)  so the host chose 3-5.  Again i said to please change the time to not go past 3.  So she says how about 2-4?  And she wants to send out the invitations this week and she has not asked me anything besides the time.. So this makes me think she won't take any of my ideas or anything into consideration. I am feeling extremely aggrivated by this - to the point where i just want to cancel the entire thing.  Any advice?? 

Re: Advice needed ~ Shower planning issues

  • pkontkpkontk member
    500 Comments
    The shower is a gift to you, so you really should not have input apart from the guest list, and possibly food or a theme.  If she is planning the party, she should plan it at the time she would like.  She will let you know the other details as needed.
  • edited June 2012
    Your suggestion about time is a considerate request! The shower is a gift to you but if it pisses off your guests/family it is more of a curse! However, as it stands now - the difference between 4 and 3 is not big so why not just settle. Kick back and try to enjoy your shower! 
    Just make sure you do all the fun stuff in the beginning incase anyone has to run ;) 

  • Personally, I think your FI's aunt sounds really inconsiderate. A shower is a gift to you and should be planned by the host, but you can obviously ask for accomadations for your out of town guests, and your 3:00 end time is perfectly reasonable for a sunday afternoon. You haven't given a lot if details here, but if this has given you reason to think you can't trust this particular host not to inconvenience you and your guests, or otherwise be rude to your guests in some way, you can feel free to politely decline the shower.
  • Agree with PPs that this seems like a reasonable request but pkontk is correct, as the host of the shower your FI's aunt does get a great deal of autonomy.  It may be possible that she feels an earlier shower might require something she's not comfortable with, such as a full lunch, or she may have committments earlier Sunday and still want time to get organized. 

    You can decline the shower or let the time stand. If it is truly inconvenient for a bulk of your family, someone on your side might offer to host a second shower for that group to attend, which isn't unusual in some families.  (If this happens, adjust you guest list accordingly; only moms and bridesmaids, maybe grandmas, should be invited to more than one shower.)
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  • Is there a reason she doesn't want it starting early? I think you and your aunt both need to compromise on the time thing. I totally understand why you want it to end at 3, but since she is hosting and there will probably be some set-up involved beforehand for her, perhaps it inconveniences her to start the shower at 1. I don't know for sure of course, but as of right now, you only know your side to it and not your aunt's. It could be that she doesn't want to come out and say, "I have stuff going on in the morning and need more time to set up" so she is trying to negotiate with you.

    I would honestly let it go. She did move up the time to 4, which is a compromise between the two of you. Also, typically, in my own experience, the hostess doesn't really discuss much except guest list with the bride. They asked me if a date and time was OK and who I wanted to invite and that was it. I don't think this time issue alone should make you think she won't be a considerate host, and if you are truly worried, you can politely decline the shower altogether.


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  • SB1512SB1512 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Agree with others about the shower being a gift to you and your requests may not be honored.  However, I will say for a sunday having a shower from 3-5 is rather late in the day.  Every shower I've ever been to on a Sunday has started at 11am or 1pm and wrapped up by 3.  Honestly if I got an invite for a shower from 3-5 I might not go, especially if I was out of town, or even more than a half hour away from the shower location.  Sunday's are the end to the weekend and if I was at a shower until 5pm I would then have to go home, make dinner and get stuff ready for the work week (meal planning, making lunches for Monday, etc) and before you know it, it would be time for bed and no time to wind down.  If you really don't agree with the time I'd decline the shower.
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