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Bridezilla Moment

jordanm27jordanm27
10 Comments First Anniversary
in Snarky Brides
Hello All! I'm kind of new here and not sure if this is the right place to post this but here it goes! I think I'm having a Bridezilla moment and that scares me a lot because I pride myself on being pretty laid back about the wedding! Anyway, I have a cousin who is my age (early 20s) who has always lived close to me and we've practically grown up together. But I really really dislike him, we have nothing in common and he just can not get his life together at all. He drinks and smokes all the time, very very trashy and he already has a 1.5 year old baby and has another one on the way with another person. He is a horrible dad, and I'm not just saying this, CPS has been called. Well, since I got engaged I've been pretty adament about not inviting him to my wedding but according to my parents (who are paying for it) I have to since I'm inviting the rest of his family, whom I love. I've agreed to let my cousin come but he just informed me he plans to bring his kids. One who will be two and a newborn. Is it wrong of me to ask him to find a babysitter? I can't say there won't be kids there because there will, but these kids will have responsible parents who know how to take care of them. I am getting married in a garden so its not like there will be somewhere he can take them if they start throwing a fit and crying. I am also having a harpist and I'm already worried about everyone being able to hear the music without two obnoxious kids screaming in the background! Anyway, my parents think its really rude to tell him to get a babysitter but I just wanted an outsiders perspective. Thanks for your help and sorry about the rant :)
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Re: Bridezilla Moment

  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    It's fine to not invite children to your wedding, but the best suggestion to to invite in circles. Like no children, period. Or only first cousins (assuming there are younger ones). If you've invited children already, you're really stuck unless you can somehow create a clear, non-abitrary line for not inviting them. 
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  • s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridezilla-moment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:393859a6-ce5e-46d0-8ece-0d4ff2c18756Post:e0483300-d561-4413-aefd-092c601bb54f">Re: Bridezilla Moment</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's fine to not invite children to your wedding, but the best suggestion to to invite in circles. Like no children, period. Or only first cousins (assuming there are younger ones). If you've invited children already, you're really stuck unless you can somehow create a clear, non-abitrary line for not inviting them. 
    Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

    This exactly. If you are inviting the children of other cousins, you must invite his. Well, technically you don't have to, but you will look like a super b and a bridezilla- it's like inviting all of your friends with +1's but not inviting a friend's SO. If you are inviting only cousins, some of who are still children, you are in the clear.
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  • pink34562000pink34562000 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Even though we have family and friends with children, the only children at my wedding were my brother's kids. That's it.

    Therefore, we made it clear on the invitations of who is invited, so there were no misunderstandings. Try the following wording:

    We have reserved 2 seats for Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe:

    John Doe ____accepts or ____regrets
    Jane Doe ____accepts or ____regrets

    Now if your cousin isn't married, and you are just inviting him without a plus one. Try the following:

    We have reserved 1 seat for Mr. John Doe:
    John Doe ____accepts or ____regrets

    Some people may not be able to come without their kids, but that is the risk you take.

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  • jordanm27jordanm27
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    Okay thanks. I like the idea of talking to his sister or mom and seeing if they can make sure he understands the etiquette behind only his name being on the invite. Thanks for the help!
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  • RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    Something to consider in your family dynamics - who else in the family enjoys children enough to help tend to them?

    I had a 14 month old and a 4 week old at my wedding, and heard nary a peep out of either.  Their parents (my cousins) are wonderful, but even had they been deadbeats who disappeared to drink in the parking lot, the kids would have been fine, because they were continuously passed around between grandparents, aunts, empty-nesting mothers, etc.  I think we have pics of the two in every set of female arms between 30 and 80.

    You may have less to worry about than you think.
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  • HOPKINS1953HOPKINS1953
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridezilla-moment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:393859a6-ce5e-46d0-8ece-0d4ff2c18756Post:3b6301fd-d8a9-45c4-8ab0-453331fefffa">Re: Bridezilla Moment</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with PPs and am also wondering if this cousin would "understand' the etiquette of only bringing the person(s) on the invitation and RSVP card. I know you said you love this side of the family ... do you have an aunt or uncle you (or your parents) can talk to that might be able to pass on the FYI to this cousin that this is not a children's affair? 
    Posted by JustSayYes2013[/QUOTE]

    I have never seen a wedding/reception with kids where they didn't cause some kind of commotion.  We put ADULT reception to follow and no one brought their kids.  The cost per plate alone should keep them home.  The bride did live five minutes away and did offer a babysitter if anyone needed which she paid for and only the flower girl and ring bearer ended up being there.

    There is nothing worse than kids taking over the dance floor or catching the bouquet/garter.  They don't belong at a wedding.
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  • Emmy1493Emmy1493 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Its safe to say that if you are having more children at your wedding, other than his, than who is to say that other children wont cry and scream. It's not fair to single out his kids because you don't get along. I am not trying to be rude, just honest. So he isn't up to par in the parenting department? I am sure he isn't the only one. I can relate, I was raised by only my mother, with out my father in my life what so ever. However, I do see where you are coming from about the kids situation. I really prefer not a whole lot of kids running around at my wedding, with an exception of immediate family's kids (I know their parents will watch them.) If you are looking to have just adults mostly, you might include that in your invite, like other posters have suggested. If he can find a BS, great, if not, don't sweat it. I am sure your wedding will be memorable and beautiful either way! 
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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    emmaxbean93 said:
    Its safe to say that if you are having more children at your wedding, other than his, than who is to say that other children wont cry and scream. It's not fair to single out his kids because you don't get along. I am not trying to be rude, just honest. So he isn't up to par in the parenting department? I am sure he isn't the only one. I can relate, I was raised by only my mother, with out my father in my life what so ever. However, I do see where you are coming from about the kids situation. I really prefer not a whole lot of kids running around at my wedding, with an exception of immediate family's kids (I know their parents will watch them.) If you are looking to have just adults mostly, you might include that in your invite, like other posters have suggested. If he can find a BS, great, if not, don't sweat it. I am sure your wedding will be memorable and beautiful either way! 
    Who are you talking to? How did you even find this thread?



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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    @emmaxbean93

    As this thread is over a year old, I'd say she worked it out by now. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Emmy1493Emmy1493 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited August 2013
    Sorry, I didn't realize this had been posted so long ago. I was on my mobile phone and it didn't show up a date for some reason. Hope it worked out for you!
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