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Celebrant vs Minister....advice please (long)

RegallyBlondeRegallyBlonde member
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in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Hello, I'm relatively new to this board, so I thought I would say hello, I've been lurking for a long time but now I really need some advice.

Firstly, my name is Lynda and I am from Australia, I am getting married in November to my best friend, but we seem to have reached an impasse in our planning:

I posted this over on Australian Knot several months ago, and while the advice I got was good, it didn't really help, so I am wondering if maybe someone has a different way to approach this situation:

Basically it comes down to I want a Minister to conduct our ceremony, he wants a celebrant. 

A little background, I was raised a Christian, my family has been very involved in Christian ministry here in Australia for many years, originally the Pastor I had asked to do our service said no as he was no longer leading the church and didn't think he would be back to do our wedding, that was fine, we are not getting married in a church, which was as compromise my FI and I had agteed to when I we first started planning, we wouldn't get married in the church but we would use a minister to marry us, but FI thinks that since I couldn't get the Pastor I orignally wanted, we don't need to have one.

A few months later, my FI and I were out walking when a car stopped at the petrol station we were walking past, on the side of the car was a big stickler advertising this mans celebrant services, FI approached the man and asked him what he cost etc. and made an appointment to meet.

At the time I was happy to go along with it, I didn't think it would matter to me who married us, as long as, at the end of the day, we were married. however, as the months have past, I have found myself doubting this decision, I met a Pastor who I really want to marry us, but my FI wont budge on the issue.

To be honest, I know it wasn't fair of me to agree to something and then change my mind, however, like I said, I didn't think it would be such a big deal, but it is. I have tried to discuss this with my FI rationally, explaining why this means a lot to me but his rationalising it by saying that he wants the ceremony to be 'fun' and he thinks the celebrant would make it fun.

Am I being crazy? Should I just drop the issue and use the celebrant? does anyone have any suggestions on how I can make this decision? Sorry this is so long, I have been bottling this up for a long time.



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Re: Celebrant vs Minister....advice please (long)

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    ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
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    It's hard for me to see a difference between 2 officiants you barely know. You met the celebrant at a petrol station; you met the pastor somewhere else, but neither is a man who's known you a long time.

    But it sounds like the issue is more the tone of the ceremony. Your future husband wants "fun"; you want something closer to "reverent." Any experienced officiant can find a balance between those, as can you and your future husband as you write the ceremony.

    Have you put down a deposit with the celebrant? What are the logistics in changing officiants at this stage?
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    RegallyBlondeRegallyBlonde member
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    We haven't put down any money, just tentatively booked the date with the celebrant. If we did change, we would just have to let the celebrant know and book someone else within the relevant tinmeframe (1 month and 1 day prior to the wedding). 
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    ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
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    Then it's not a money issue, and we return to my second paragraph. What other ceremony planning have you done? What does your fiance mean by "fun"? Do you want the ceremony to be "fun"? I'd try to keep the celebrant, but compromise on the tone of the ceremony.
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    RegallyBlondeRegallyBlonde member
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    He means, he wants it to be relaxed, and be able to have a laugh and a bit of a joke around, I want it to be a relaxed affair and Ithink the time for fun, is not at the ceremony.

    We haven't really written or planned much for the ceremony, only that we are having it outdoors. The celebrant gave us a folder to help us write it, with vow suggestions etc. he will probably wont want much input into the actual ceremony (except his vows) so I could discuss the tone with the celebrant.



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    ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
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    I am an Anglican, and OP doesn't strike me as an Anglican at all. Maybe it's different outside the Continuum in Australia, but we don't use the words "Christian ministry" or "pastor." "Celebrant" is for Mass, not weddings, and we'd never charge or advertise for a sacrament. Of course, someone raised in the Anglican Church would know Anglican weddings take place in church.

    Lynda, you first need to discuss the tone with your future husband, before the celebrant. It may be as deep as CMGr thinks, or it may me your fiance has skimmed too many bridal magazines, without really thinking about the implications of what he's absorbed. He just doesn't want it to be "stiff" or "boring." Or maybe you're on different pages about the meaning of marriage - excuse for a fun party, or sacrament. Only you can know and talk out the issues.

    FWIW, I said before we even got engaged exactly what kind of ceremony I wanted (Solemn High Nuptial Mass in my church), and it's a deal-breaker, so I'm not really one to talk about compromise for the ceremony. I've tried to let him have his way on absolutely everything else - except where it would be genuinely rude to guests. But that's just how our decision-making breaks down. Yours can be very different, and that's likely better.
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    RegallyBlondeRegallyBlonde member
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    I'm Baptist. Sorry, I probably should have checked it out before I posted but a celebrant here is anybody who is authorised by Australian law to officiate a marriage and they charge and advertise.

    You are right thoguh, I need to talk to FI again, maybe if we start to plan the ceremony it wont seem like sucha huge deal to me.
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    ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
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    No reason to be sorry. No Church has a monopoly on the English language.

    Good luck. I hope you can work it out. It sounds like just a communication issue.
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    artbyallieartbyallie mod
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    I'm a little bothered by the fact your husband doesn't seem to respect your faith. I'm Baptist as well and I couldn't imagine not getting married by a pastor. You need to sit down and address this with him.
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