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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Invite to reception but not ceremony
I need your advice!
My future mother in law is 1 of 13 children and my mother's side is large as well, so we are looking at a guest list of 200+ people. Even cutting down and planning on people not being able attend we are looking at 175.
My dream ceremony location can only hold 150. Our reception hall can hold 300, so my question is this....is it rude to invite some to the ceremony and not all? Is inviting someone to only the reception a slap in the face or something that is practiced regularly?
My future mother in law is 1 of 13 children and my mother's side is large as well, so we are looking at a guest list of 200+ people. Even cutting down and planning on people not being able attend we are looking at 175.
My dream ceremony location can only hold 150. Our reception hall can hold 300, so my question is this....is it rude to invite some to the ceremony and not all? Is inviting someone to only the reception a slap in the face or something that is practiced regularly?
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Re: Invite to reception but not ceremony
It's one thing if you're having a small (read: FAMILY ONLY) private ceremony, then a blow out reception... but 150 isn't small.
[QUOTE]I need your advice! My future mother in law is 1 of 13 children and my mother's side is large as well, so we are looking at a guest list of 200+ people. Even cutting down and planning on people not being able attend we are looking at 175. My dream ceremony location can only hold 150. Our reception hall can hold 300, <strong>so my question is this....is it rude to invite some to the ceremony and not all?</strong> Is inviting someone to only the reception a slap in the face or something that is practiced regularly?
Posted by Bublee86[/QUOTE]
Yes, this is rude. Some people won't be offended, but it is generally frowned upon. If I got invited to just the reception, I would decline.
But saying that 150 people can attend the ceremony but 25-75 people don't make that cut is extremely rude.
[QUOTE]I need your advice! My future mother in law is 1 of 13 children and my mother's side is large as well, so we are looking at a guest list of 200+ people. Even cutting down and planning on people not being able attend we are looking at 175. My dream ceremony location can only hold 150. Our reception hall can hold 300, so my question is this....is it rude to invite some to the ceremony and not all? Is inviting someone to only the reception a slap in the face or something that is practiced regularly?
Posted by Bublee86[/QUOTE]
Completely rude. Please don't do this.
Super intimate ceremonies (family only or something along the lines of <25 guests) and then large reception is alright but not 50% of your guest list.
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
Books read in 2012: 21/50
[QUOTE]If you had a tiny private ceremony (only your parents, siblings, and maybe grandparents), it's a lot more acceptable. But saying that 150 people can attend the ceremony but 25-75 people don't make that cut is extremely rude.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]
EXACTLY THIS!!!
Is it ideal? NOPE. But I don't think it's the same as, say, not having a chair for every butt at a dinner reception. I've seen it before, and it's not a HUGE deal. Probs better than insulting 25 of your guests.
I just wanted to make sure it wasn't rude for the other 175 guests to only be invited to the reception.
[QUOTE]What you could do....if your ceremony is short...is invite everyone. A lot of times, people don't go to the ceremony for lots of reasons (running late, etc). And if it'short, I personally dont' see a big deal in not having enough seats for everyone. I've been to some weddings where the church was a bit small, and so people just kind of stood in the back. I even went to a full Catholic Mass in Mexico (read-- it was longer than full wedding masses here, more like 2 hours) and there were too many guests. People kindly let the older guests and the women in heels sit, and there were lots of men standing around the sides. Is it ideal? NOPE. But I don't think it's the same as, say, not having a chair for every butt at a dinner reception. I've seen it before, and it's not a HUGE deal. Probs better than insulting 25 of your guests.
Posted by LuluP82[/QUOTE]
Yeah, people sometimes come late or don't make it at all. But others, like myself, show up early, and could wind up standing around for as much as an hour. Besides, I've never been to a wedding that actually started on time. Please don't do this.
Miss Mrs.
planning
[QUOTE]Maybe I should have been more specific, I wouldn't invite the full 150, it would be a small group of people (parents, siblings, g.parents, and our bestest of friends) as everyone suggested. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't rude for the other 175 guests to only be invited to the reception.
Posted by Bublee86[/QUOTE]
Yeah I think you'd be okay doing it that way.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite to reception but not ceremony : Yeah, people sometimes come late or don't make it at all. But others, like myself, show up early, and could wind up standing around for as much as an hour. Besides, I've never been to a wedding that actually started on time. Please don't do this.
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]
I'm not saying it's ideal...and obviously, if you have a venue that holds 50 and you invite 150, it's a huge problem. But, I've been to lots of really, really large weddings, where the couple's home church was just not as big as, say, the ballroom. In those cases, some people do end up standing during the ceremony. It's not a half the guest list--it's usually just a few people. But it happens. At my home church, people are usually standing around during regular Mass at popular Mass times-- it's a big church, just also a big parish.
I'm also Hispanic and Catholic-- weddings tend to be very large and held in whatever church the family attends. It's not an option to just "pick a bigger venue." I had a HUGE problem finding a church for our Catholic ceremony, because we moved and want to have it where we live now. Priests do not want to marry you if you're not a member of the parish already. So, for lots of couples, picking a different ceremony site is just NOT an option.
I've had to stand at tons of weddings. And graduations held in churches. Especially if I arrived on time, and not early. It is what it is. I don't think it's worth losing sleep over.
I dont think this is rude at all. Ive seen it done before. Especially if your ceremony is going to be so intimate. Many people come to just the recption anyways.... Every wedding is different. You should plan it how you would like it to be. If every wedding was the same it wouldnt be so personal and special. Anyways, I think you should have the ceremony at your dream location. It's your day..
Don't listen to LuLu. Often, the maximum capacity at venues is not just due to the number of seats available, but FIRE CODES.
What you described (having only immediate family and a few friends) at the ceremony and then a larger reception is pretty acceptable, although some people will inevitably feel a little slighted, so be prepared for that. It would help if you explicitly stated on the invite that it will be a very small, intimate ceremony.