sad my mom is not being more involved

artisticjewishbride2013 · August 2012

I got engaged June 10th really really late at night. My mom was happy for me but she and my dad wanted to get back to the book keeping so my dad could get back up to Northern Neck part of Virginia . I came home for my little brothers graduation which she kept saying Jacob understands if you can't come since you have work. It was only a 2 hour drive and well worth it.

When I went venue shopping ( we went to one place my FI found and he fell in love and I was happy with it as well)

I asked my mom if she wanted to see it before putting the deposit down and s said it was ok she loved what she saw online but would rather see it in October to get a feel for it the way it would look around the wedding.

I figured it was just to soon and she would get around to being excited. So I planned a bridal shopping experiance. She enjoyed the time with me but it not like she pulled anything or had any opinions, no tears until my FMIL got teary eyed.

I know she could not come to NY so when i sent her pictures of the dresses i got "it is beutiful " and the like but no I love it. When my aunt/ g-dmother/ matron of honor loved a dress my mom liked it to. I found a dress in Tyson's Corner not 2 hrs from home and 30 mins from me. I wanted her to come see the gown and she said she would see it eventually like at a fitting appointment and whatever I chose would be beutiful and I had better taste in fashion then her.

The catering she just looked over the menu and wrote back it looks good.

FI and my parents are meeting up in oct to discuss the budget.

She has not been as involved as I would like her to be. I know in a few weeks she starts grad school as well as working full time, volunteering at a free health clinic and she wolnt really have time to be involved.

I just want my mom's guidance, for her to be excited, part of me just misses her. I may be 25 but still need my mom.

lauralaur · August 2012

My mother loved every bit of the planning, however I did notice that she was very careful with what she said to me about it. For example, when we went dress shopping, I would put on a dress and ask her what she thought, and her response was always to ask me what I thought. She WANTED to say no or get teary or whatever over some dresses but was afraid that I would find a dress I loved that maybe wasn't her favorite, and then I wouldn't get the dress I loved because she didn't like it. She wanted me to have what I wanted and didn't want to influence my opinion. Maybe your mother is the same way? Also it sounds like she doesn't exactly live next door, so maybe she doesn't feel like she can be more involved in the planning and is trying not to show disappointment?

HobokensFury · August 2012

It may be that she has other things going on right now. My mom was super involved in every of planning. My MIL not so much. She used to say it's so far away (we planned for 2 years). She honestly didn't care until the last 6 months. By then everything was done and all she had to do was show up. It all worked out in the end.

emeejeeayen · August 2012

Straight up, my mom is my best friend, but she's devastated I'm getting married. Of course she wants me to be happy and have the kind of life I want, etc, etc, but she knows the kind of life I want is in NYC 3000 miles away from her, and she gets upset about it. My situation is somewhat extreme with the distance, but I think a lot of moms go through a period of mourning their daughters. Marriage is this sort of pivitol point in a woman's life where you can look and say (at least I hope), "Oh look, she's all grown up!" And that's a happy and sad moment. I think your mom is doing her best to deal with a mixture of emotions. Talk to her about how you feel, and maybe she'll do the same.

transcriber87 · August 2012

I don't know how I could have possibly pulled this whole wedding together if not for my Mom..She is my best friend, she is walking me down the aisle and is my MOH..I think the most "excited" I have seen her is when I tried my dress on for the first time and when we went and got my daughters shoes for the wedding and when she laid eyes on my daughters dress..Other than that, I know she is sooo busy working FT, and she has helped me out soo much..She did the invites online, that was a PIA..We went looking for flowers, she just let me pick what I wanted, didn't jump up and down over it, we both picked out the menu, again, no YIPPPEEE! Maybe once you start getting closer to the date, things may change but your still over 1 year out.

Tabbie11 · August 2012

As pp mentioned, maybe its just not 'her' thing. My mum has been really laid back about everything and I think part of that is she doesn't want her opinion to influence me too much, and wants me to make the decions basd on what I want. She has told me a lot about how when she got married, there was way too many opinionated hands in the pot so she didnt exactly get the wedding she wanted. So becuase of her experience she has taken the back seat a bit so as not to pressure me. But every time I ask her to be there, she is in a heart beat. She also grew up in the country side of England, so weddings were not as big a deal or glamorous so she naturally isn't as excited about these things.

If you are worried, maybe ask her if there is anything particularily important that she would like to be involved in?

divinemsbee · August 2012

I'm going to ditto PP who said that maybe she's trying not to influence you one way or another and wants these things to truly be what you and your FI want instead of it being her favorites. And that's a really good thing.

My mom was never going to be the squealing girly-girl over anything. She wasn't going to love me in any dress (because I weigh more than she thinks I should). She definitely didn't want to step on too many toes because she knew my FI and I were paying for most of it. She didn't understand why we wanted to do the hometown church wedding, at all. Until about a month ago she was totally hands-off and whatever you want. She's gotten a bit more involved as we've gotten closer to the date and now that we're just under 3 months (when did that happen?) she's much more interested and involved in helping me finish this.

sad my mom is not being more involved

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