WR: Vent/help needed

mek20 · January 2012

Late last night I got a text from one of my BMs that asked "Is (Boy's name) getting a plus one to your wedding?"

Long story short, the way we got around inviting all of our guy friends from college xc/track team was not giving them dates, and they were all fine with this a year ago when we asked them.

I didn't respond to the text, but it really p***ed me off. I am so sick of people asking me if they are invited. I'm sorry but I can't invite everyone I used to run/drink with from college. We don't have the money for that, and frankly, I don't care for all those people...AND my wedding is not a saturday night frat party!

Anyway. What do I say to this? I was simply going to put "None of that group are getting dates, thanks to the budget." Do I even need to respond to her? Do I have to explain myself for MY wedding? (I hope I'm not sounding too bridezilla-ish, but at over $90/ person, I have to draw the line somewhere!!!)

BrooklynNovia · January 2012

Do you know why the BM is asking? Is she getting a plus one?

I think what you wrote is a good way to respond--the truth! You are paying for your wedding and so you guest size is limited. Anyone who pushes beyond that is well into rude territory.

CvilleClaire · January 2012

You don't say anything. It was rude of that person to send that text. If someone confronts you in person, you nicely tell them that you had so many people that you wanted to share te day with you that you couldn't extend invitations to guests of guests. Don't mention budget. They should get it without you having to talk about money directly.

mek20 · January 2012

FI and I decided that the BP get plus ones (mostly because they all have SOs that we know.)

We know a bunch of these guys have SOs, but none that are serious, and none that have lasted over a year (which we decided was our cut-off rule). Shes asking because she is friends with this guy's SO, and wants her to be invited. (When I barely know her, and am not fond of her.)

BrooklynNovia · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_wr-venthelp-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:4b14c512-414e-405b-84fc-57bf5b3274adPost:38a4ef4b-c5c1-411c-bab2-b8ad3afa40ee">Re: WR: Vent/help needed</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and I decided that the BP get plus ones (mostly because they all have SOs that we know.) We know a bunch of these guys have SOs, but none that are serious, and none that have lasted over a year (which we decided was our cut-off rule).<strong> Shes asking because she is friends with this guy's SO, and wants her to be invited. </strong>(When I barely know her, and am not fond of her.)
Posted by mek20[/QUOTE]
Yeah, that's so not her call. Good luck!

lilmiss_34 · January 2012

I think you should reply very nonchalant and your response above sounds fine.

I think this is the cracking point for most of us, where we are sick of all the pointless questions and comments, which from our worn out point of views, are negative attacks.

Anyone outside the world of wedding planning couldn't possibly understand what that kind of question does to someone planning a wedding, and she will likely never understand why you got so mad at her for it.

Last night my uncle complained that the wedding didn't start until 7pm on a Saturday because that was not enough time to drink! And that Russian weddings start on a Friday and the drinking continues all weekend long. He explained this to me in his very loud, obnoxious, 'joking' voice. He said he was going ot have to pre-drink for the wedding.

Zimsgirl · January 2012

My sister is talkin to this guy not dating and asked if she'd get a plus one last night too! So annoying

DrPB2b13 · January 2012

Ditto Claire & Lilmiss. I'm sure no harm was meant by it, but it is an extremely rude question, and one I'm pretty sure most brides get really sick of hearing.

doeie04 · January 2012

I would just tell her that only the WP gets a plus one. The budget and guest list have been determined. That is, if you want to respond at all, which I would just so she doesn't ask again.

I am getting tired of hearing some of his aunts trying to convince us to do other things for our reception so we can invite all the cousins. (well, they just want their kids to come, but can't realize it wouldn't be fair to invite their kids but not all the cousins.) This includes a punch and cake reception, potluck, etc.

It wasn't only the money. Coordinating a party that big was too much for me to handle mentally! They just couldn't understand that.

chelseamb11 · January 2012

Other people's invitations are nobodys business but yours and those people's. That being said, is there a way you can accomodate the SO's of those guys that have them? If I was the gf of one of these guys, I'd be really upset that I was being left out because of the senario of this situation. Even if they haven't been together long, they could be serious. Idk that your'e in a place tha tyou can judge it. FI and I were together for a month and I knew I was going to marry him.

But as for the BM, that was rude. I"d either ignore it or just say "we have the guest list under control"

julbgordo · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_wr-venthelp-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:4b14c512-414e-405b-84fc-57bf5b3274adPost:f98476af-bae6-4325-bcb0-ef82d91b0923">Re: WR: Vent/help needed</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't say anything. It was rude of that person to send that text. If someone confronts you in person, you nicely tell them that you had so many people that you wanted to share te day with you that you couldn't extend invitations to guests of guests. Don't mention budget. They should get it without you having to talk about money directly.
Posted by CvilleClaire[/QUOTE]

<div>All of this!</div>

melntaitt · January 2012

I'm torn -

On one hand, my FI was invited to a wedding and I wasn't because of the budget and I get it. It's expensive. However, as a family we're a unit and you're screwing with that unit.

On the other hand, you have no relationship with the s/o so just because they're together doesn't mean you want to pay to spend time with someone you don't know to make that guest happy.

I'm personally not comfortable telling people their s/o are not invited because I know that there are plenty of people at a wedding and I won't be spending alot of time with each of my guests so I encouraged them to bring a s/o or date if they wanted. Some declined because we're a pretty close group and they're happy hanging out with our other friends.

It absolutely wasn't the WP's call to bully you into something you expressly did not want and that part I cannot come to terms with and I probably wouldn't be as calm and appropriate if that happened to me. I would encourage you to reiterate your wishes to them all and explain that this is your decision - if they cannot attend based on that decision, just be prepared to understand...

Ash61612 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_wr-venthelp-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:4b14c512-414e-405b-84fc-57bf5b3274adPost:f98476af-bae6-4325-bcb0-ef82d91b0923">Re: WR: Vent/help needed</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't say anything. It was rude of that person to send that text. If someone confronts you in person, you nicely tell them that you had so many people that you wanted to share te day with you that you couldn't extend invitations to guests of guests. Don't mention budget. They should get it without you having to talk about money directly.
Posted by CvilleClaire[/QUOTE]
agree completely

MMRoberts11 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_wr-venthelp-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:4b14c512-414e-405b-84fc-57bf5b3274adPost:f98476af-bae6-4325-bcb0-ef82d91b0923">Re: WR: Vent/help needed</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't say anything. It was rude of that person to send that text. If someone confronts you in person, you nicely tell them that you had so many people that you wanted to share te day with you that you couldn't extend invitations to guests of guests. Don't mention budget. They should get it without you having to talk about money directly.
Posted by CvilleClaire[/QUOTE]

This

sweetcanadian1979 · January 2012

I agree that you don't split up social units, how would you feel if your fiance got invited to a wedding but you didn't because the bride did not know you & did not want to pay for you? I would think you would feel pretty crappy.

If they are single, no +1 is required but if they have a SO that is a pretty craptastic move on your part, sorry.

calisel · January 2012

I don't blame you for being upset. I have battled long and hard about who to invite and who not to invite. I mean sure there are a lot of people I would like to be there, but at the same time I don't want us to go broke. We made our final decisions as far as the guest list and that is it. I can't afford to have everyone there, and if it offends some people, we will deal with it when that time comes.

WR: Vent/help needed

Re: WR: Vent/help needed

Choose Another Board

Search Boards