Spending the Wedding Money on the Honeymoon

aewart65 · July 2012

My FI and I have always planned to go to Ireland for our honeymoon. My parents are more than happy to front us the money, and then we will pay them back with money from the wedding (we have been living togther four years, so not registering for much). Both of our families give money at weddings, but my concern is blowing it all on a honeymoon. Now he acts like I am going back on our plans, but I didn't realize Ireland would be around $6500. I would like to be able to do something smaller and put the money in savings, but he has his heart set on the big Ireland trip. I can't help but want to be practical and say that the money we save could be a down payment on a new car or something functional. He says it's a once in a lifetime thing, so let's go for it. What do I do?

meganb1977 · July 2012

I can see it both ways...sounds like you need to work together to meet in the middle somewhere that you can both be happy. I know it can be VERY difficult when your priorities seem to be mutually exclusive, and it will be important for both of you to stay calm and discuss openly, even if you need a friend or counselor or someone to help mediate. Although it sounds like you can be confident of receiving some money for wedding gifts, it might be hard to anticipate exactly how much, and you definitely can't count on it being enough to pay for the honeymoon. Would you feel more comfortable with the expense if you and your fiance worked together and sacrificed on other things like shopping and eating out in the meantime to save for the trip? Even if you have to wait and take a mini-moon after your wedding and do the big vacation in Ireland after you have had a chance to finish saving for it? That's just one way that he might still be able to have the Ireland trip, but in a way that ensures your concern over the expense is addressed. Could you put reward points towards hotel and/or airfare? Find somewhere else to stay in Irleand that isn't as expensive as what you are looking at now? You can work something out.

kmmssg · July 2012

I just couldn't blow everything on a trip. Honeymoon's DON'T have to be taken right away! In all honesty, if someone has to front you the money, you already can't afford it. If you don't have the extra cash for a trip to Ireland, do you have an e-fund along with a regular savings?

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

I agree with PP that if you can't outright afford this trip without someone else loaning you the money, to me, you canNOT afford this trip. I would not want to take a loan (even if from a parent) to take a vacation. Now if you had the money saved up for the vacation and could afford to pay for it yourselves without completely draining your savings, I would say the HM is a great time for a splurge trip that you've always wanted to take. But that isn't the case here. If I were you, I would not do Ireland now and make it a goal to save up for it for an anniversary trip in the next 4-5 years. I'd put money from the wedding into savings and take a long weekend trip nearby right after the wedding as a sort of mini moon.

GoodLuckBear14 · July 2012

DH and I postponed out honeymoon to Ireland, saved for a year and went over our one year anniversary.

aewart65 · July 2012

I guess I should have been more clear- we can afford the trip outright. He just wants to use wedding money instead of our own. By booking it now on my parents card, we keep the money in our account to accrue interest, plus we can use the points for flights. My concern is more the amount in general, not where it's coming from. 6k just seems overboard for a week. I'm a saver at heart, but if we can do it without any strain on our finances, should we go for it?

kmmssg · July 2012

You will get different answers from different people. For me, I couldn't do it. Your FI would choose differently.

I'm a bit more sappy and would want some of that money in savings and some to complete our registry or to buy something that in 20 years I could say was from our wedding money. We have been married 15+ years and that is what we did.

You guys just need to have a long heart to heart and make sure you are on the same page. Once you are, no regrets, no looking back.

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_spending-the-wedding-money-on-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:dbd2420c-6f2f-4015-9356-4a5997caef0cPost:5f7eee70-ac62-4219-b4dd-3978acd1a8ef">Re: Spending the Wedding Money on the Honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I should have been more clear- we can afford the trip outright. He just wants to use wedding money instead of our own. By booking it now on my parents card, we keep the money in our account to accrue interest, plus we can use the points for flights. My concern is more the amount in general, not where it's coming from. 6k just seems overboard for a week. I'm a saver at heart, but if we can do it without any strain on our finances, should we go for it?
Posted by aewart65[/QUOTE]

That's a hard thing for someone else to answer since it is your money. I can tell you what we did--we splurged on a trip to Hawaii for our HM, a dream trip of ours for awhile. We knew we wouldn't make it back there for a long time and had the money to do it without draining our savings, so we did. Neither of us regret it, but we actually prefer spending money on vacations over other things--we have no kids and don't plan to for a long time if ever, our apartment is furnished, we have good working cars, etc. Of course we always have an emergency fund and a good chunk in savings, but I don't mind spending some of our savings on traveling because it's what we enjoy doing together and traveling the world has been a goal of ours.

You both need to have a serious discussion since you're coming at this from opposite sides, and I can honestly see both sides. FWIW, I have seen people posting on FB about how they got a great deal on an Ireland trip for a week through Travel Zoo--you can sign up for emails on special deals. One person is only paying $999/person for an entire week, airfare and hotel included.

I know that deal is over, but my point is that you could compromise and do Ireland but do it more cheaply than you are planning. I know you can do a week there for less than $6000. Maybe meet in the middle and both of you will be happy.

hz80408 · July 2012

Personally, I wouldn't spend wedding money on the HM; like PP's said, it doesn't have to been taken right away. The next night or two after your wedding, you could get a nice hotel or get some nice meals to celebrate and then do a HM later on. But, it's something you'll have to talk out and come to an agreement on.

As for Ireland, I posted last week, we just booked at travelzoo trip for $1,157 per person for 7 nights, direct flight with complete car upgrade. If you're set on Ireland, look at travelzoo, they've been having a lot of deals recently (but beware, they do sell out, that happened to us with the first trip we were interested in)

aewart65 · July 2012

Thanks for the input. We decided to go ahead and do the vacation we have always wanted to take. We can afford it, and there is not point in postponing a honeymoon in my opinion.

hz80408 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_spending-the-wedding-money-on-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:dbd2420c-6f2f-4015-9356-4a5997caef0cPost:920d6976-c1f5-4bed-b657-c62bb3b07cbf">Re: Spending the Wedding Money on the Honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the input. We decided to go ahead and do the vacation we have always wanted to take. We can afford it, and there is not point in postponing a honeymoon in my opinion.
Posted by aewart65[/QUOTE]

Sorry, I missed your update, but sounds like you made a good decision. But, seriously I'd check out travelzoo; they have some great deals

alithebride · July 2012

ireland wont shut down if you dont go for your HM so no-it's not a once in a lifetime thing. that's absurd. it's a trip. it can be taken anytime.

the issue i have is that you're counting on receiving a certain amount for the wedding. until you actually have the money in hand you wont know how much you'll get and, seeing as your parents haver to front you money for a vacation i'd say that unless you can book it and pay for it yourselves you shouldn't be planning any vacation. you're adults, you're getting married-you need to book what you can afford.

it's perfectly acceptable to wait until after the wedding, see how you do gift-wise and then see how much you want to save or add to it for a vacation and then book it after.

aewart65 · July 2012

This is why one should always read all posts before commenting... We do have the 6500 to put down free and clear, but would prefer to use wedding money. And I'm not quite sure why your think that using someone's credit card qualifies as destitute and not able to plan ANY vacation, but that is hardly the case, as perviously explained.
Also, going to honeymoon in Ireland is a once in a lifetime thing, as the goal here is to only marry once, and therefore have one honeymoon.
This site is always funny to read for the over-opinionated judgement and condescension, even more so when you are the actual poster. Enjoy your weddings ladies!

dazyabbey · July 2012

I think you are going to have a great time and you are going to love your trip. We just got back last week from our honeymoon to London and Paris and we saved for over a year and a half to go on the trip. It was amazing and I woudln't trade it for the world.

I would wait a little while to book. Look for deals over the winter months for the coming spring and sign up for TravelZoo top 20 deals!

aewart65 · July 2012

Travelzoo is a great suggestion, thanks!

tiffypants12 · July 2012

It IS once in a lifetime, so do it up and have a great trip.

Maggie0829 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_spending-the-wedding-money-on-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:dbd2420c-6f2f-4015-9356-4a5997caef0cPost:124ea540-e224-4d2b-8fd8-50fe0235fc9d">Re: Spending the Wedding Money on the Honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]This is why one should always read all posts before commenting... <strong>We do have the 6500 to put down free and clear, but would prefer to use wedding money</strong>. And I'm not quite sure why your think that using someone's credit card qualifies as destitute and not able to plan ANY vacation, but that is hardly the case, as perviously explained. Also, going to honeymoon in Ireland is a once in a lifetime thing, as the goal here is to only marry once, and therefore have one honeymoon. This site is always funny to read for the over-opinionated judgement and condescension, even more so when you are the actual poster. Enjoy your weddings ladies!
Posted by aewart65[/QUOTE]

So I am confused. If you have the money to pay for it yourself then why the loan from the parents. You will have to pay it back eventually so what is the difference between the money in your account now as compared to the money you will get from your wedding?

Maggie0829 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_spending-the-wedding-money-on-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:dbd2420c-6f2f-4015-9356-4a5997caef0cPost:bf7c777b-2855-4321-829a-1ed0809931d0">Re: Spending the Wedding Money on the Honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]It IS once in a lifetime, so do it up and have a great trip.
Posted by tiffypants12[/QUOTE]

Um, a trip to Ireland can happen anytime you want.

A honeymoon, while yes can only happen once if you only get married once, is a vacation. Period.

H and I wanted to go to Hawaii for our "once in a lifetime" honeymoon, but life got in the way. We bought a house so the money we were going to use on our trip went to the down payment. Does this mean that H and I can never go to Hawaii? No. We plan to go for our 5 year anniversary and it will probably be just as amazing then as it would have been if we went there right after our wedding.

The wedding industry hypes up the honeymoon and everything else associate with weddings to make money. A HM can be anything you want and certainly does not have to be something you go into debt over.

aewart65 · July 2012

Using they're card with an insane limit on it is better than pulling it out of our account now. We want to book it early, but don't see the point in tying up our funds. Hence the credit card. Don't worry guys, no debt to be had here. We own our home, cars yada yada.
A honeymoon is a vacation celebrating marrying the person you love. Why in the world would we put that off if we don't have to? We don't, so we won't. Ireland here I come!

Miss_2010 · July 2012

Have fun in Ireland, I hear its amazing.

With whatever cash we get from our wedding we will either pay off what we owe from the wedding or put it towards our honeymoon....same difference really. We already have a house with everything in it, so we'll just use the money wisely and pay off any debts from the wedding.

Most people I know do one or the other anyway...so have fun, guilt free

GoodLuckBear14 · July 2012

I am thoroughly confused. What bank do you use where you can make money on interest? Who will be paying the interest on the credit card if you aren't going to pay it off as soon as it comes due? If you are not going to immediately pay it off, how does it make financial sense to use a credit card rather than the money you have saved?

hz80408 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_spending-the-wedding-money-on-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:dbd2420c-6f2f-4015-9356-4a5997caef0cPost:02bd6b3d-1199-447a-ba45-67393849a7c2">Re: Spending the Wedding Money on the Honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]Travelzoo is a great suggestion, thanks!
Posted by aewart65[/QUOTE]

Maybe you should read all of the comments too; Travelzoo was mentioned about 4 times before you commented on it being a good suggestion. (which btw, it is)

ElleB87 · July 2012

Honestly, you're not going to make that much interest to justify keeping the money in your account and you usually get better deals if you wait to book.

Also, H and I got married in Ireland and it cost us about 6500 for TWO weeks so maybe look at how you're planning on spending your money and where you can cut things. It never hurts to save money.

Are you staying in the Republic or are you going into Northern Ireland? The Republic is much cheaper because it uses the Euro. Also, prices drop dramatically outside of Dublin. You can rent a cute cottage or apartment for ~250 Euro a week so that is one way to cut down costs.

anssett · July 2012

If it was me, I'd have a tiny tiny budget wedding with people I truly love (family of origin and intentional family) then spend all the money on the trip. 10-14 days of memories that aren't rushed and overwhelming will last longer than wedding day memories.

Kristin789 · July 2012

Step One should be to research how much it should cost to go to Ireland for a week.

Your wedding is in May, which is before the hotel and airfare rates go up for the summer.

I go overseas to a major city in various Western European countires for 9 days each spring, and don't even pay HALF of $6500. That's totally crazy. Some travel agent or tour is really ripping you off.

GoodLuckBear14 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_spending-the-wedding-money-on-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:dbd2420c-6f2f-4015-9356-4a5997caef0cPost:ba7b091d-c009-45db-976c-52f4d9166ebc">Re: Spending the Wedding Money on the Honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]If it was me, I'd have a tiny tiny budget wedding with people I truly love (family of origin and intentional family) then spend all the money on the trip. 10-14 days of memories that aren't rushed and overwhelming will last longer than wedding day memories.
Posted by anssett[/QUOTE]

I've had my wedding and my honemoon. You are totally wrong.

alithebride · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_spending-the-wedding-money-on-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:dbd2420c-6f2f-4015-9356-4a5997caef0cPost:124ea540-e224-4d2b-8fd8-50fe0235fc9d">Re: Spending the Wedding Money on the Honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]This is why one should always read all posts before commenting... We do have the 6500 to put down free and clear, but would prefer to use wedding money. And I'm not quite sure why your think that using someone's credit card qualifies as destitute and not able to plan ANY vacation, but that is hardly the case, as perviously explained. Also, going to honeymoon in Ireland is a once in a lifetime thing, as the goal here is to only marry once, and therefore have one honeymoon. This site is always funny to read for the over-opinionated judgement and condescension, even more so when you are the actual poster. Enjoy your weddings ladies!
Posted by aewart65[/QUOTE]

Sure going on a HM is a (hopefully) once in a lifetime thing-but Ireland is not. so you'd also have to pay back the interest on the charge on the card which will be more interest than youd make keeping it in your account. imo-doesn't make sense. but hey-do what you'd like. not sure the point of the post in the first place if you were just going to do it anway....

ejheart · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_spending-the-wedding-money-on-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:dbd2420c-6f2f-4015-9356-4a5997caef0cPost:83e7da35-21a1-477b-a6f8-ec889b4deeb5">Re: Spending the Wedding Money on the Honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]I am thoroughly confused. What bank do you use where you can make money on interest? Who will be paying the interest on the credit card if you aren't going to pay it off as soon as it comes due? If you are not going to immediately pay it off, how does it make financial sense to use a credit card rather than the money you have saved?
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Man, some of you guys sure do like to make a lot of assumptions! If you have a savings account at pretty much any bank they should be paying you interest to keep your money with them. These days interest payments aren't very high, but they do still exist, and if she banks with a credit union they'll be a bit better. Also, her parents could have an interest-free credit card which would mean that they wouldn't need to be in any rush to pay it off. Just a thought.

</div>

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