Dissappointed/ticked off

achiduck · September 2012

So this is both a sad and angry rant. I was texting with my brother to ask him if he ever got RSVPs to his wedding last summer from some family members that we're 99.9% sure won't come due to family drama. Long story short I was telling him how annoyed I am that I'm still waiting on RSVPs for about a 1/3 of our mom's side of the family. He was just a our family reunion that I couldn't go to because I was sick and said that my grandmother probably won't come b/c she finds it too hard to be out of the house for more than 2-3 hours and a couple of my cousins probably won't come because of their kids, etc.

So I'm really dissappointed about my grandmother and am trying to understand, but it's my WEDDING. I'm one of the very last of the grandkids to get married and she's going to miss it?

Also, with a couple of my cousins that are trying to find baby sitters, seriously? I have gone to every single one of their weddinds, showers, baby showers, etc and they all had kid free weddings. I'm just really pissed right now. None of them have asked if they can bring their kids, but I send my invites out in mid-July and you're JUST NOW tryng to find a babysitter? UGH.

LDubHawksFan · September 2012

I'm sorry. I felt the same way when I found out my gpa isn't going to come to mine. He doesn't fly and doesn't want to leave the house unattended for that long. My step dad even offered to drive him out to CA, but he declined. I don't know how he can miss his first granddaughter's wedding, but that's on him. I'm disappointed and will probably cry about it again at some point, but I'm blessed so many of my family members are coming!

Peledreamsofrain · September 2012

O_o seriously? You are angry with your grandmother for being too frail to leave her house?

I just...... no words.....

mmmendi · September 2012

Achi that is reallllly frustrating! I think I would be split between understanding and disappointment regarding Grandmother as well. I think some people (referring to needing babysitters) just don't function on schedules and planning ahead. Personality more laid back, no big picture...that kind of thing. I doubt it helps

but it probably isn't personal! Regardless, you will have a beautiful wedding. You will remember the day and those sharing it with you - not the spoil-sports!

LDubHawksFan · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_dissappointedticked-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:76d36b2b-4461-4496-afb4-2480413bc432Post:f0f23862-ef47-4bca-9087-e360d9dcc79a">Re: Dissappointed/ticked off</a>:
[QUOTE]O_o seriously? You are angry with your grandmother for being too frail to leave her house? I just...... no words.....
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

I took her post to mean that her grandma didn't feel comfortable leaving the house for that long (maybe because my grandpa is perfectly healthy to do so, and is choosing not to come). I believe she is disappointed that her grandmother will not be there and she is angry at her cousins.
I agree if she is too frail, that she has every right to be <em>disappointed</em> but not angry.

lv2011 · September 2012

I feel for you. My grandma rsvp'd "maybe" because she doesn't want anyone to drive out of their way to come get her (she's 2 hours north of me/ family/ wedding). I'm a little hurt that she thinks no one would volunteer to get her and be delighted to have done so-- my parents had already made arrangements for her. As also one of the last grandkids to get married, I'm saddened that she might not be there physically. But she'll be in our hearts and minds, and I know she wishes us well. I'm sure the same is true of your grandma, too.

Peledreamsofrain · September 2012

"my grandmother probably won't come b/c she finds it too hard to be out of the house for more than 2-3 hours "

" am trying to understand, but it's my WEDDING. I'm one of the very last of the grandkids to get married and she's going to miss it?"

I agree she has a right to be disappointed, I personally won't have either of my grandmothers at my wedding because they too find it too difficult to leave their houses to a length of time. And I am disappointed.

But I'm not ranting about it, or insinuating they should risk their health for me. Honestly, I can't even imagine the nightmare of being so housebound, and the despair of not being able to attend family events like weddings, because I am afraid my body will fail. To have a grandchild angry with me about it on top of it? Gawd how depressing.

You know what I did? I put myself in their pain-filled shoes, and I went out of my way to ensure that my wedding will be videotaped by an uncle who lives near them (I didn't want it videotaped originally.). He will take the only two copies of the tapes to them. And they'll be able to see the wedding that way.

I can only hope the OPs grandchildren one day have more empathy and heart for her when her body fails her, and all she can do is stare at the walls and miss her family.

LDubHawksFan · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_dissappointedticked-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:76d36b2b-4461-4496-afb4-2480413bc432Post:0b7e89c0-e0a7-4be5-98dc-8c4ba99588c0">Re: Dissappointed/ticked off</a>:
[QUOTE]"my grandmother probably won't come b/c she finds it too hard to be out of the house for more than 2-3 hours " " am trying to understand, but it's my WEDDING. I'm one of the very last of the grandkids to get married and she's going to miss it?" I agree she has a right to be disappointed, I personally won't have either of my grandmothers at my wedding because they too find it too difficult to leave their houses to a length of time. And I am disappointed. But I'm not ranting about it, or insinuating they should risk their health for me. Honestly, I can't even imagine the nightmare of being so housebound, and the despair of not being able to attend family events like weddings, because I am afraid my body will fail. To have a grandchild angry with me about it on top of it? Gawd how depressing. You know what I did? I put myself in their pain-filled shoes, and I went out of my way to ensure that my wedding will be videotaped by an uncle who lives near them (I didn't want it videotaped originally.). He will take the only two copies of the tapes to them. And they'll be able to see the wedding that way. I can only hope the OPs grandchildren one day have more empathy and heart for her when her body fails her, and all she can do is stare at the walls and miss her family.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

Fair enough. I agree that it isn't fair to be mad about her grandmother not being able to come, but I'm giving the OP the benefit of doubt that she really does understand and she is just disappointed. That will pass and I'm sure she is empathetic that her grandmother cannot come to her wedding or do what she would like.

I, too, have a great grandmother that cannot come because she is too frail. I am videotaping our wedding and told her last weekend that when I'm home next we will watch it together. I am also asking her for one of her broaches as my something borrowed so she is with me on my wedding day.

achiduck · September 2012

Ok Pele, chill. I'm not pissed at my grandmother. I'm DISAPPOINTED and since she's been to every one of my cousins weddings and my fathers wedding just a few months ago I have EVERY right to be disappointed. No where did I say "she better come no matter what." I'm disappointed that she made the effort to go to every othere event this year including the family reunion a few weeks ago but can't make the effort for my wedding.

I'm pissed at my counsins who have left finding a babysitter to the last minute. They all had kid free weddings so it should come as no surprise that I've done the same thing.

[Deleted User] · September 2012

I think you have every right to be disappointed or hurt or mad. That's what this board is for is to vent time to time or just talk about whatever! No need for judgement. This world had enough of it! Hope everything works out for you!

mpjf1001 · September 2012

Achi- i hear you, im getting the "i have to find a babysitter" or "we are still waiting if H, FI, BF, etc can get off of work"
im just as disappointed and not that i dont understand that finding a babysitter is hard or that getting off of work can be risky as well, but STDs went out in January, and we have been engaged for 2 years and talking about when we are getting married, mind you i've went to every single one of these people's weddings, showers, etc...so im right there with you!

achiduck · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_dissappointedticked-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:76d36b2b-4461-4496-afb4-2480413bc432Post:b35f9f22-20b3-4f70-a7b8-c9d89b987c80">Re: Dissappointed/ticked off</a>:
[QUOTE]Achi- i hear you, im getting the "i have to find a babysitter" or "we are still waiting if H, FI, BF, etc can get off of work" im just as disappointed and not that i dont understand that finding a babysitter is hard or that getting off of work can be risky as well, but STDs went out in January, and <strong>we have been engaged for 2 years and talking about when we are getting married, mind you i've went to every single one of these people's weddings, showers, etc...so im right there with you!
</strong>Posted by mpjf1001[/QUOTE]
EXACTLY! We've been engaged since June of 2011 and the date was annouced to our families in July 2011. Invitations went out 6 weeks ago. I went to all of thier events. They all had kid free weddings. They have kids, ergo they need a babysitter. PLUS they're all local so it's not like they need someone to watch their kids for an entire weekend. Why is this SO hard for some people?

amyelise25 · September 2012

Sometimes with grandparents it's not physical it's mental and a little pressure can help. Years ago my grandmother threw a fit about going to my sisters wedding. God bless my grandfather for putting his foot down and saying he was going without her. She stewed about it for a while and when they returned to check on her between the ceremony and reception, she was ready to get dressed and party.

Another important thing was that my aunts and uncles were the 'handlers' that day and took responsibility for her so that my parents could enjoy their daughter's day. It still disappointed everyone that she didn't make it to the ceremony, but it helped a lot that she made the effort to attend the reception. And without my grandfather's support, she would have missed the entire day.

kimm260 · September 2012

Pele- you left out the part of the quote that said "So I'm really dissappointed about my grandmother and " she said right there that it was dissapointment and not anger at her grandmother for not attending her wedding. I think that is an appropriate emotion to have.

I have an Aunt who is older and cannot come because she cannot leave her ever older husband alone for that long. I am very sad that they cannot come, and I shed a few tears about it because i was hopeful that they could come or I wouldn't have sent them an invitation. Feeling this way is also an appropriate emotion. I am upset and dissappointed that they cant come both because they will not be there to share my day and also because they not in very good health.

Her ANGER is at her cousins who have not tried to get babysitters even though they have known the date for a long time.

achiduck · September 2012

Exactly, thanks Kimm.

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