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Preparing for new apartment/living with a boy!!
So my fiance and I do not live together and we will not until we get married. We are getting married in August and I'm trying to start to think of how I want to do things in my household with organization and keeping track and running a household since i've always lived with my parents. I hope that makes sense. Does anyone have any tips or advice or anything that works for you and what not. Hope this makes sense. Thanks in advance
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Re: Preparing for new apartment/living with a boy!!
I guess the only thing I can say is don't be disheartened if you have a hard time clicking when you first move in with each other. It will pass.
June 2012 Bride!
Now, we each have chores we are in charge of that we don't absolutely hate so it's fair and all gets covered. We also talked long before marriage about how we wanted to handle our finances (combined, separate, etc) so when we got married, it was a non-issue. You have to find what works for you.
Try and think of all the little things too. For instance, do towles get washed after every use or every few days, every week, etc? We actually had a fight over towels when we moved in together because we both did them differently growing up.
My advice would be to make sure you communicate about your wants and expectations. That made our transition pretty easy. We've still had our issues. We like to fight over control of the main tv remote and neither of us give up easily. We came in not liking the same tv programming, and lately instead of argueing over who gets control and who gets to watch what we're compromising and finding new shows to watch together. But we found something to bond over. Our DVR, though, is getting a workout:)
Good luck!
FI and I don't live together. But we already know pretty much all of eachother's habits. I know how messy he is, what and how he cleans, how he pays bills, what he spends money on, and yes, what he does in the bathroom. And he knows all the same stuff about me. That's just from spending a lot of time together and having an open and honest relationship.
I'm sure there's still new stuff that we'll encounter when we move in together after the wedding, but there's nothing we can't handle. We have had to learn the darkest, most personal truths about each other over the years, so short of finding out he's an axe murderer, there will be nothing that we can't handle. And trust me, there's plenty of people that live with their SO and never find about big things like debt, gambling, porn addiction, and axe-murdering.
SaveSave
[QUOTE]Emee, my husband is the same way with the clothes and yet, he won't go to the back porch to smoke without an overshirt and shoes on, lol. So weird. I've also had to learn to live with the fact that whenever H needs to blow his nose, he grabs the whole roll of toilet paper and carries it off to whatever room he's going to. We can't keep the toilet paper on the rack because the cat will redecorate with it, so I've just learned to always check and make sure the TP is actually in the bathroom before I go.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
<div>I promise you there are worse ways to blow one's nose. I didn't think there were, but then I started to live with FI :) </div>
You're going to be learning a lot about your FI (then husband) after moving in together. Just remember to keep an open mind, let the little things go & openly communicate with him about everything. Pick your battles! It may not be worth it to tell him you hate when he lays his socks around the floor (just an example) but if he has a habit of leaving the lights on after leaving the room, that would be something you should address (keep the electric bill low!).
I really believe that a key component of a successful marriage/relationship is communication. You have to really be open with each other about you expect when you move in. Are you going to both be involved in paying the bills, or just one of you? Who is going to go grocery shopping? What about cooking & cleaning? FI will clean the whole house but he wont do laundry. Thats my job now. You really need to think about every little thing and discuss it all with your FI prior to moving in. As for the tips on running a household? I dont know what you meant by this but I would think that keeping your house generally clean and organized would be "running a good household." I find TONS of household & organization tips on Pinterest!
Good luck!!
Most poster covered everything. It seems like you have always lived with your parents That in itself is a huge change. Not sure about your FI.
My mom is OCD. All the cans in the cabinet have to have the labels facing out. ZERO dishes are to be left in the sink for more than 5 minutes after you finish eating. All forks and spoons have to be stacked in the divider. The minute I left the house I stopped all the nonsense. Point being just because you did things one way at your parent's home you might find the freedom of your own home you might do things differently. So there will be an adjustment for you.
Then add in your FI. How did your DH grow up?
My MIL does not let any of her kids "touch her stuff". She defines that as the washer/dryer, vacuum even the microwave and over. DH left home at 18, but him and his buddies all got together to pay for a housekeeper to come in every other week or so. By the time he came to me at age 35 he had never really cleaned his home. AWESOME. Now I'm happy to say except for dishes he never expected me to do all the work.
His definition of clean is different than mine. DH thinks 'clean' is organized. So he doesn't care if something is dusty, he just cares that the table is clean of clutter. Now he steam cleans the floors, vacuums and dusts weekly.
Dishes were our hot point for a long time.. Basically I only do them. He actually does not have a problem with them sitting in the sink for days. ** by the way DH is a chef. You can eat off his kitchen floor he is so anal about his kitchen being spotless. However "he has people to do that". At home "I'm the people" I guess. Now we are to the point where he cooks more nights and I clean. Fair compromise.
Laundry - how does your FI do laundry? I'm a sorter. whites/lights, darks, towels, sheets. Makes sense to me. DH? EVERYTHING that can fit in the washer goes in the washer together. Right now I do most the laundry, not that he won't. I work from home so it's easy for me to do and it's done "right" in my book. When DH was out of work, he did the laundry. I just "got over" the lack of sorting.
The bed: DH does not like a top sheet or comforter. He prefers a blanket. We both toss and turn and steal covers. Neither of us cuddle. After a year of fighting for covers and such we decided to make a change. He has a blanket on his side. I have a top sheet (folded in half and tucked in) and comforter. Most people think this is strange. To us it's bliss. No more fighthing. We each have our own covers. Works for us. And the bed, DH "must" have a billion thread count fitted sheets and pillow cases. Whatever,
here are just some things we had to work on. I'm sure there are others. It's frustrating sometimes. But remember your way is not always the correct way. You wil have lower your expectations sometimes. Compromise on what's really important to you.
FI (then bf) is the only guy I've ever lived with and the only things we argued about where the things we didn't discuss and just ignored until they were bigger problems than they needed to be (dishes, laundry..)
ALSO seize this moment to get rid of crap.. I went on a throw-everything-out craze when we were consolidating into our house.
J + A [4-15-13] + JJ [1-22-14]
[QUOTE]So my fiance and I do not live together and we will not until we get married. We are getting married in August and I'm trying to start to think of <strong>how I want to do things in my household</strong> with organization and keeping track and running a household since i've always lived with my parents. I hope that makes sense. Does anyone have any tips or advice or anything that works for you and what not. Hope this makes sense. Thanks in advance
Posted by Tigersbballgal[/QUOTE]
Like Stage said, get this "I" and "my" crap out of your head right now. He'll be living there too; he gets a say and he should be expected to contribute equally to the household.
Has he ever lived on his own or are you both going from mommy and daddy's to your own house?
For example: I've only been married 4.5 years. I use to work 30 hours a week to DH's 80. I did more household stuff because, well I was around more. Then we moved to LA. I could not find a job at first, DH's hours dropped to 60. I still did more than DH but he started taking on more because he was home more often. Then I got a job and it was pretty split. Then DH lost his job. He picked up more because he was home. Now we moved again. I work from home. DH works 6 days a week 8-10 hours a day. So tend to do more because I'm here (and it's mostly my mess).
Life is full of changes and you have to flexible. My neat freak mom has RA and barely can stand more than cooking dinner. She is a stay at home wife. My dad works all day and then goes and does the grocery shopping. Often cooks for her. Mom's cleaning is much different than it was before the RA. They both have had to adapt to an always changing situation.
Communication is key. Just because you talk it out before, don't think it's written in stone.
Your situation is going to be different, though. My biggest advice is to not let little annoyances (dirty socks left everywhere is my big one) grow to huge arguments. It's way easier said than done. Also, you might be surprised about what things he cares about. When we painted the living room he wanted much more input in the color than I thought he would have.