How to invite people to the reception but to to dinner

smferg3311 · June 2010

My fiance and I are looking at a guest list of about 200 people because both of our immediate families are so large. We want to include a lot of our college friends and such, but dont want to have to pay for an extra 50+ people. We would like to invite them for dancing and the other festivities after dinner. What is the best way to do this?

SteveandKris · June 2010

there isn't a good way to do this, this is considered extremely rude... it honestly says "come give me a gift/money, but you're not good enough for me to buy you dinner" - either cut corners somewhere else and include them for everything or host something small at your home post-honeymoon.

diamondx423 · June 2010

I wouldn't recommend doing this, because your friends might feel like they're good enough to show and give a gift but not good enough to eat. Maybe have a separate bbq or something with the friends to celebrate after the wedding?

ljewel422 · June 2010

You don't do that, plain and simple. I've been lurking on the E board and saw that you posted this there as well. Ditto everything that the PPs have said. It is BEYOND rude.

ptrst · June 2010

Like everyone else said, you don't do that. Could you find a way to reduce the cost of your meal maybe? Or cut a few corners here and there to make up for the cost? If there's really no way that you can afford to pay for the extra 50 people to come to dinner, host a different party later, just for friends or something.

Patineuse1124 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_invite-people-reception-but-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:12bc38a5-3c63-4b44-a642-ebf07ca0b1e9Post:4511dce3-6f5c-4741-9215-326383c20e5f">Re: How to invite people to the reception but to to dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't do that, plain and simple. I've been lurking on the E board and saw that you posted this there as well. Ditto everything that the PPs have said. It is BEYOND rude.
Posted by ljewel422[/QUOTE]

<div>ditto!</div>

frenchy730 · June 2010

How to do this... you don't.

It is very very rude. It is like ranking people's importance to you and classifying them into groups of "important enough to have a meal with us" and "only important enough to bring a gift and partake in dancing." You will offend people, even if you don't intend to. You're better off only inviting the number of people you can feed, or cutting back in other areas to make room for more guests.

TriSaratops10 · June 2010

Remember the golden rule : do unto others as you would have them do unto you -- it's a good rule to live by. I don't think you would be appreciative of an invite to the end of someones reception.

SteveandKris · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_invite-people-reception-but-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:12bc38a5-3c63-4b44-a642-ebf07ca0b1e9Post:4511dce3-6f5c-4741-9215-326383c20e5f">Re: How to invite people to the reception but to to dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't do that, plain and simple. I've <strong>been lurking on the E board and saw that you posted this there as well</strong>. Ditto everything that the PPs have said. It is BEYOND rude.
Posted by ljewel422[/QUOTE]

Did she not like the flaming responses I'm sure the girls on E gave her?

kitkatherine · June 2010

Maybe offering appetizers as a meal, like a more cocktail dinner type theme could work?

I agree, you don't want them to find out they were invited and didn't get food. We're running into a similar issue - my family is taking up 75 percent of the guest list (bah!) and my fiancess about 30 percent. We have classmates and friends who have asked to come and my fiancee's sister wants to bring her little gang of friends from high school, and we've just had to explain, as much as we'd love it, we're really restricted to 120 people (which is true) and our guest list sits at 150 (also true) and we can't smash anyone else in there.

Maybe finding a cheaper meal is in there too. We're doing a buffet with turkey, ham, sausage, and roast beef along with parsley potatoes, baked beans, etc. It comes with fruit and cracker appetizers at is sitting at 11 bucks a person.

Also keep in mind, a lot of people won't be able to come. I hate to say this, but if you aren't very close with all 200 of your family members, skip save the dates for them (even the knot says only send those to people you really wanna come!) and send their invitations. I honestly have been a bit relieved when I heard my fiancee's aunt already isn't coming.

The other thing is having dinner and the ceremony at one venue, then the "celebration of your marriage" at another. So essentially having your ceremony at the church then a catered dinner at a hall in the church maybe, then moving to the reception. It could work.

I don't know if that helps. It's a sticky situation and it may just be you cannot invite them at all or have to cut corners to make it work or beg and cry for more budget.

kmjarvey · June 2010

It probably is a little bit rude but if you're just coming out of school and want to invite some people you know but aren't extremely close too, it's a fun way to include them. It's probably the part of the day that would be the most fun. I know most people wouldn't approve of it at all but this could work if you think your friends would be understanding of it. I was invited via a facebook invite. It was a privite, only guests can see it, event and it was for a girl I had known for several years but wasn't very close too. I only brought a small gift but if you're not looking for gifts and just want some more people to enjoy that party, I'd say go for it.

raw1299 · June 2010

maybe instead of having an expensive dinner, you could do a buffet or appetizer only type of thing. make people pay for alcohol.

ks3pink · June 2010

Don't make people pay for anything at your wedding.....its just rude. We went to a wedding with a cash bar a few weeks ago and they would have been better off having no bar at all. They didn't have a lot of family and the friends left early to go drink. I'm not having any alchohol, saves a lot of money and half my family and half my fiance's family do not approve of drinking so this works out well.

As OP said, don't invite the friends if you can't feed them. Its rude, I'd be pissed personally and wouldn't go at all.

emjsutter · June 2010

My aunt and uncle did this. She just graduated with a degree in education; obviously there is not much financial leeway. Both sides of the family were HUGE also. She made a facebook event inviting people to enjoy the dancing and celebrate. She briefly mentioned the situation and specifically requested no gifts. I think it's better they know that you want them there than to not invite them to the event all together. Depending on your friends, they will hopefully understand. Realistically, you are going to be closer to some people than others, and most people should hopefully realize this. If some throw a stink, the don't sound like a overly great friend.

iamerican · July 2010

I know it isn't necessarily the "proper" thing to do, but I understand the financial constraints. My FI and I will be inviting some people to only the dance. I know it sounds rude, but the people invited to the dance part understand. We are sending out postcard invitations to them and just having extra cake available. On the dance invites we are having some type of phrase relating no gifts please. I want these people at the wedding, but due to huge families it just isnt possible. I think your family and friends should understand and who knows, may be glad not to feel obligated to attend the rest. The dance truely is the most fun part. Good luck! It is your day!

aggiebug · July 2010

shesh! there is no way that this is a nice thing to do! I really can't beleive the responses with ideas of how to make this "work"

really dont do it. seriously

shoegal715 · July 2010

You can't possibly think this is a good idea... This is about the rudest idea I have ever seen on this board. If you do this, you will alienate many friends and family, and people will be talking behind your back about how rude and cheap you are.

DO NOT do it. CUT YOUR GUEST LIST DOWN if you can't afford all those people!

luckyme502 · July 2010

No, no, no!!! If you are not able to treat all of your guests the same, you need to cut the guest list. This is not the way to save money or stretch the budget!

oceana919 · July 2010

Inviting guests to only the dancing part of a reception and not to the ceremony or dinner is the equivalent of saying, "you're good enough to give me a gift, but you're not good enough to pay for dinner for". It's extremely, extremely rude. Simple as that.

I understand that in certain circles, a cash bar is acceptable for a wedding, but frankly, I think that's rude too. You are inviting them to a party you are throwing - they are already spending money on a gift and transportation and other costs associated with attending your wedding. They shouldn't have to turn around and pay for their drinks.

Either find ways to cut costs, or narrow down your invite list. Some suggestions:

- Cocktail reception (drinks and appetizers, or drinks and dessert only)
- Cut bar down to beer/wine/soda instead of full bar
- DIY (flowers, paper goods, etc.)
- Cut costs where you can - use in-season flowers only, order wholesale and have a friend/relative do arrangements, buy used supplies from other Knotties/brides, use a local makeup counter vs. expensive airbrushing makeup
- Skip the non-essentials - STDs, monogrammed napkins and matchbooks, signature cocktails, expensive favors, etc.

How to invite people to the reception but to to dinner

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