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out-of-town bridesmaid shower etiquette?

mcc04mcc04
in Pre-wedding Parties
I'm one of 2 bridesmaids living out of town - I want to come in for the shower, but it's costly to fly these days from one coast to the other... the other bridesmaid has decided not to travel, nor, it seems, contribute in any way.  The bridesmaids planning the shower have thus informed me that, coming or not, I'm still responsible for the cost of the shower, now being divided by a lesser number, thus costing me more, on top of my travel... Should I be expected to pick up the slack when I'm already picking up a plane ticket?  (Keep in mind I've been included in none of the planning.)  I get that paying for the shower is part of my responsibility, but there has got to be some leeway, right?
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Re: out-of-town bridesmaid shower etiquette?

  • MikeF&SarahCMikeF&SarahC member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have 3 bridesmaids from out of town.  One came to the shower, another was on her honeymoon and the 3 lives too far to travel for just the shower.  I had no problem with their not being able to make it.  I looked into flying the one far away in and it was just to expensive.  The three that live far away did not help with the shower at all, and my mom and MOH had no problem with this as they kept it simple and low key.  You have to remember that everyone does what they can, some people are natural givers while others it's not in their nature.
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  • skantrowitzskantrowitz
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I was an out of town bridesmaid for a friend a few years ago. I couldn't make it back for either the bachelorette or the shower. The bride didn't mind at all and none of the other bridesmaids asked me about money-- I'm not even sure who paid. The other bridesmaids' requests are not appropriate.
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  • krwebbkrwebb
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No you should not be responsible for paying for the shower. That is supposed to be the Maid of Honor's duty and if she planned something too elaborate for her budget then she should have consulted all of the bridesmaids before making the plan permanent.
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  • john&juliejohn&julie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    All the PPs are right.  I have been an OOT bridesmaid several times (5+) and never have the planners asked me to contribute if I couldn't come.  I will admit that in some cases I offered, but not once did they take me up on it.  I did send a gift to the bride whether I could attend or not, but that is obviously a different issue.  The fact is that no one is expected or required to pay for/host a shower.  It is a gift to the bride provided by whomever chooses to and is able to provide it.  If you haven't even been included in planning, it's ridiculous for the other maids to think you owe them anything.
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  • leamideleamide
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think the bride should understand if you can't make it to the bridal shower. Also, I would offer a set amount of money to the host and that is it, even if it isn't what she told you she needed. If there are more bridemaids they should also help pay even if they can't make it to the shower and the host should mention that shower was from all bridesmaid even the ones who couldn't make it.
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