Wedding Help Thursday

mgoss228 · March 2011

What do you need help/inspiration/ideas about?

abrieckinthewall · March 2011

I am not really sure how to phrase this as a question. So I will just explain what's going on and maybe you can provide some feed back / thoughts / ideas on the subject.

Yesterday, I asked the FI if we could discuss a savings plan for the wedding. We settled on a date so far out in advance so that we would have time to save comfortably for it. We had gone back and forth on just eloping or having a big wedding, and ended up deciding on a small, simple wedding. When I wanted to discuss $$ with him, he went a little bizerk. He started talking about how when we buy a home our monthly expenses will go up. And it will be added pressure and stress. He doesn't think we'll afford it. He's made no move towards buying a home, besides looking online and saying "We can't afford this." Which is BS. My spirit has been deflated so bad I'm thinking we should just elope whenever or I will have to get a second job to pay for the wedding. Our relationship had an interesting start, and this was our one chance to do a normal couple thing. and I just don't see that happening. Well anytime soon at least, we might just be one of those couples who are engaged for like 10 years.....

whatever. thanks for letting me vent

dreamwinds · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_wedding-thursday-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:104Discussion:556606b7-64a4-4e6c-a44b-fd84d0d1b5c7Post:c2a3ba25-913b-48ee-85f8-315d0dd1c3c9">Re: Wedding Help Thursday</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not really sure how to phrase this as a question. So I will just explain what's going on and maybe you can provide some feed back / thoughts / ideas on the subject. Yesterday, I asked the FI if we could discuss a savings plan for the wedding. We settled on a date so far out in advance so that we would have time to save comfortably for it. We had gone back and forth on just eloping or having a big wedding, and ended up deciding on a small, simple wedding. When I wanted to discuss $$ with him, he went a little bizerk. He started talking about how when we buy a home our monthly expenses will go up. And it will be added pressure and stress. He doesn't think we'll afford it. He's made no move towards buying a home, besides looking online and saying "We can't afford this." Which is BS. My spirit has been deflated so bad I'm thinking we should just elope whenever or I will have to get a second job to pay for the wedding. Our relationship had an interesting start, and this was our one chance to do a normal couple thing. and I just don't see that happening. Well anytime soon at least, we might just be one of those couples who are engaged for like 10 years..... whatever. thanks for letting me vent :D
Posted by abrieckinthewall[/QUOTE]

I don't know how helpful this is with your issue, but you might consider some pre-marital counseling before going too much further in your wedding planning.

I don't want to be a huge downer, but if you guys can't talk about budgets and money without one party or both getting unreasonably upset, it's going to be a constant theme and source of arguments, trouble, and heartache throughout your marriage together.

mgoss228 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_wedding-thursday-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:556606b7-64a4-4e6c-a44b-fd84d0d1b5c7Post:4c9be216-3f09-4930-9181-9cc5a2d7fa7f">Re: Wedding Help Thursday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Help Thursday : I don't know how helpful this is with your issue, but you might consider some pre-marital counseling before going too much further in your wedding planning. I don't want to be a huge downer, but if you guys can't talk about budgets and money without one party or both getting unreasonably upset, it's going to be a constant theme and source of arguments, trouble, and heartache throughout your marriage together.
Posted by dreamwinds[/QUOTE]

I agree with dreamwinds. Wedding Planning is a "practice" of marriage (imo), you have to deal with family, traditions, finances, and A LOT of stress. If I remember correctly, isn't your FI religious (or his family actively practices)? Could you meet with his family's clergy-person and discuss marriage and what it means to you, etc? That could be a good kick-off of wedding planning, whether it is an elopement, small wedding, or average/large wedding.

mgoss228 · March 2011

Question about Hair:

How close to the wedding are you going to have your regular hair appointment?

I plan on having my hair colored (to maintain the dark brown I like, I'm more of a medium brown) and trimmed about 2 weeks prior to the wedding. I'm curious to what others are doing.

opaque1997 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_wedding-thursday-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:556606b7-64a4-4e6c-a44b-fd84d0d1b5c7Post:c2a3ba25-913b-48ee-85f8-315d0dd1c3c9">Re: Wedding Help Thursday</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not really sure how to phrase this as a question. So I will just explain what's going on and maybe you can provide some feed back / thoughts / ideas on the subject. Yesterday, I asked the FI if we could discuss a savings plan for the wedding. We settled on a date so far out in advance so that we would have time to save comfortably for it. We had gone back and forth on just eloping or having a big wedding, and ended up deciding on a small, simple wedding. When I wanted to discuss $$ with him, he went a little bizerk. He started talking about how when we buy a home our monthly expenses will go up. And it will be added pressure and stress. He doesn't think we'll afford it. He's made no move towards buying a home, besides looking online and saying "We can't afford this." Which is BS. My spirit has been deflated so bad I'm thinking we should just elope whenever or I will have to get a second job to pay for the wedding. Our relationship had an interesting start, and this was our one chance to do a normal couple thing. and I just don't see that happening. Well anytime soon at least, we might just be one of those couples who are engaged for like 10 years..... whatever. thanks for letting me vent :D
Posted by abrieckinthewall[/QUOTE]

I personall would give it some time and re address it - my FI and I had simliar quick conversations and it was really about his fears and his worries that he wouldn't be able to support me - I told him we needed to work through it and in a day or two he came back and we were able to discuss it. Sometimes it needs to be on their time frame as well because if nothing is happening right now to propel the discussion it may not be too important.

If this is a big fear of yours (being able to discuss money issues) then express that fear to him - and maybe outside of the issue at hand he can address your fears.

abrieckinthewall · March 2011

I guess I should clarify -- it wasn't about the money. We've been able to discuss finances openly easily, especially since we started living together 9 months ago and started splitting bills and such. I know what he spends on his car, and he knows what I spend on food --our biggest expenses haha. It's just that he's fine when we talk about the wedding in a dreamy way, but when it comes to logistics and actual planning he just freezes up. I guess it is still pretty early and he'll talk about it when he's ready

meganhardan · March 2011

Mgoss- I think I'll probably do mine one week before. I have mine dyed a darker, richer brown than my normal color too, and I love the way it looks right after a few washes. I also have bangs so they will need to be trimmed right before.

mgoss228 · March 2011

Question about FI and TY gifts to GM:

Do guys typically give their BM and/or GMs any type of TY gifts for throwing them a Bachelor party?

My guess is no, because they're boys. But FI's Bach-party is a week after mine, and I wanted to double check.

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