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age 13, never been kissed, and a registered sex offender...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2135203/Jamie-13-kissed-girl-But-hes-Sex-Offender-Register-online-porn-warped-mind-.html

(sorry about the weird formatting from my pastes...try to read this all, even the small words...)

This whole article is absolutely disgusting and terrifying. But this is where we are headed with a public acceptance of porn. 

So you say, "well, yes it is bad/unhealthy for a child to view it, but what's wrong with consenting adults?"

Well, as this article discusses, children who view it (and study after study has also shown- adults too,) will want harder and harder and more graphic material. How is that not going to lead to (at the very least,) the use of children in making porn, as well as more and more violent images being depicted, which leads to a higher rate of actual rape and other violence? (See HERE for more horrific facts about that and many other porn-related issues.)

Some interesting quotes if you don't want to read the whole thing:

As a therapist, I am convinced that these images can be deeply traumatising to children — not least because a competitive market means that pornographers are trying to outdo each other to come up with the most extreme images.

This contest to push the boundaries means that straight intercourse is considered too boring. Images of brutal anal sex and women being humiliated and degraded by two or more men at any one time are the new norms.

For many young boys, this means their first sexual experience is not a nervously negotiated request for a dance from a girl at the end of the school disco. It is watching  grotesquely degrading images of women, all too often mixed in with violent abuse.


Research by the Oxford University neuroscientist and former director of the Royal Institution, psychologist Susan Greenfield, has found that intense internet use alters brain chemistry, encouraging instant gratification and making young people more self-centred.

Evidence has found they become more prone to ‘real world’ violence, and less able to emphathise.

They bemoan the fact that they can’t go out with ‘real’ girls because they ‘want things’.

What’s more, it is also from porn that boys are forming their views of what women should look like, and how they should behave sexually. I hear young boys routinely refer to girls as ‘bitches’ who need to be dominated.

In other words, females who exist outside of cyberspace have needs of their own that boys resent having to consider.


(end quotes)


The author/therapist then goes on to mention how many parents don't monitor their children's computer activity because they think it could "never happen" to them, or they don't want to "invade their privacy." "Yet most remain in denial, despite the fact that the largest consumer group for internet pornography is  children between 12 and 17."

 


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Re: age 13, never been kissed, and a registered sex offender...

  • Wow, that is really intense.  I think it really goes beyond even the public acceptance of pornography, though.  The Internet has become an integral part of the lives of most school-aged children by now.  Every year my school district requires all teachers to participate in cultural competency training, and last year when I was the trainer, the topic was "Age, Generation, and Experience: Reaching out to students in the digital age."  Teachers have to learn to adapt as our students show up with whole computers in phone form.

    The author pointed out a lot of issues that prolonged Internet use can create for kids, none of them nearly as bad as a porn addiction, but I still wish more parents would wake up to these dangers.  Right now my kids are in advisory, so they have time to work on homework, talk, or whatever they want.  So many of them are surrounded by peers, but immersed in their phones.  They lose their communication skills, their ability to pick up on nonverbal cues, and definitely their ability to distinguish between what is and is not appropriate.

    Even yesterday, a friend of mine posted on her husband's facebook wall, "In case you were wondering, when the baby does ______________, it means ________________."  Walk to the other room and TELL HIM THAT!

    Great find, Lala.  Thank you for sharing!
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  • [QUOTE] Even yesterday, a friend of mine posted on her husband's facebook wall, "In case you were wondering, when the baby does ______________, it means ________________."  Walk to the other room and TELL HIM THAT! 
    Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]
    oh, wow... 
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  • I dated someone for a couple of years that was into pornagraphy. When I first heard him mention it, it was reference to sex shops and him and his friends going one time.  I wasn't pleased to hear this, and he knew. But I figured it was just a lack of moral understanding in that regard and not an actual addiction.

    I was wrong. As our relationship progressed I learned that he'd been exposing himself to it since he was around 12 or 13. That he "couldn't stop" and had "tried" 
    Nevermind the fact that I believed sex was only for marriage. It was horrible to think he'd just get pleasure in other ways. He insisted it had "nothing to do with me" But it made me insecure. Thank God I stood my ground. I think he stayed in our relationship to prove to himself he didn't need to use women for pleasure. But slowly I'd notice he would try to push me, or send degrading text messages that said things like,  *taps that* ughhh! How disgusting, unromantic, and disrespectful to someone you claim to love! He had a lot of sexual hang ups, and had a difficult time accepting the idea of marrying someone wouthout making sure you're "sexually compaitable" 

    I truly believe he will have a difficult time ever loving somene fully because of pornography.
    I thank God every day that relationship ended, and kick myself for ever shedding a tear over him. I also thank God for guarding my virginity from someone so sex obsessed. 

    I feel sorry for him, and try to remember him in my prayers. I also blame his parents for not watching him closer as a child.


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  • Riss91Riss91 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Yikes. I think this is such a difficult topic because parents are typically uncomfortable speaking to their children about these things. And the culture is shoving it in their faces. People have become so desensitized. I still get annoyed when walking through the mall (especially around Christmas when lots of children are lined up to seee Santa) and I walk past A&F with practically nude live models in the doorway.... and VS had what looked like a mannequin brothel in their window for a while. It's everywhere. Even on "family" networks.

    This is why education from parents is key. Especially in regards to the faith.
  • What I wanna know is how these parents weren't monitoring his computer usage.  He's 13 years old for crying out loud.  Even a history check once every few months could have saved him.

    That being said, I feel like the only way to make it on the sex offender list is to actually assualt or aid in the assault someone (verbally or physically), or have something to do with the filming/distributing of child pornography.  This kid literally became addicted to watching porn.  Yeah it's disgusting, but he wasn't hurting anyone.  And now he has this title for LIFE. How sad!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_age-13-never-been-kissed-and-a-registered-sex-offender?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:cf5392d2-44a6-426d-9eec-d413a54be65dPost:2be0cc31-1258-464d-93fd-f9e3eb6ccb0e">Re: age 13, never been kissed, and a registered sex offender...</a>:
    [QUOTE]What I wanna know is how these parents weren't monitoring his computer usage.  He's 13 years old for crying out loud.  Even a history check once every few months could have saved him. That being said, I feel like the only way to make it on the sex offender list is to actually assualt or aid in the assault someone (verbally or physically), or have something to do with the filming/distributing of child pornography.  This kid literally became addicted to watching porn.  Yeah it's disgusting, but he wasn't hurting anyone.  And now he has this title for LIFE. How sad!
    Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is the misunderstanding. He WAS hurting people. It may not be detectable, visible, or obvious, but it is VERY harmful. To the consumer, the participants, etc. It wouldn't be made (or made way less)  if there was no market for it. He provided the market. </div><div>
    </div><div>The spiritual harm of this is disastrous.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
  • Riss91Riss91 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    While I agree about the spiritual harm - I don't think the registry is of all spiritual offenders! It's  the legal distinction vs. the spiritual distinction of harm.

    Do they not have rules regarding minors? I feel like it is unfair for the child (who does not realize the magnitude of what he is doing) to have this on a permanent record that could prevent him from getting into schools, getting work, etc. In the Church, we have penance and forgiveness. With the law, once you're on that list, you're always on it, whether you have repented or not. Again, with such a young person, it seems unfair.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_age-13-never-been-kissed-and-a-registered-sex-offender?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:cf5392d2-44a6-426d-9eec-d413a54be65dPost:42b7f9bb-125e-4a53-91e0-8b9b71f2cf7d">Re: age 13, never been kissed, and a registered sex offender...</a>:
    [QUOTE]While I agree about the spiritual harm - I don't think the registry is of all spiritual offenders! It's  the legal distinction vs. the spiritual distinction of harm. Do they not have rules regarding minors? I feel like it is unfair for the child (who does not realize the magnitude of what he is doing) to have this on a permanent record that could prevent him from getting into schools, getting work, etc. In the Church, we have penance and forgiveness. With the law, once you're on that list, you're always on it, whether you have repented or not. Again, with such a young person, it seems unfair.
    Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]

    I think he could probably request to have his record expunged when he turns 18.  Like juvenile offenders in the US.
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  • lalaith50lalaith50 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2012
    [QUOTE]hat being said, I feel like the only way to make it on the sex offender list is to actually assualt or aid in the assault someone (verbally or physically), or have something to do with the filming/distributing of child pornography.  This kid literally became addicted to watching porn.  Yeah it's disgusting, but he wasn't hurting anyone.  And now he has this title for LIFE. How sad!
    Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]
    I definitely agree that it isn't right for him to be on that list since he wasn't anywhere close to 18 and his parents should have been monitoring him [and perhaps they should be held responsible instead?] (and presumably had no idea of what he was getting himself into- but perhaps that is the claim of many people who view porn, as it can be classified in many cases as an addiction, but I digress,) but I suspect the reason he is on "the list" even though he seemingly didn't "directly" assault anyone, is that the content of whatever he was viewing most likely contained  some level of child pornography (for example,) and by him supporting it (or an adult supporting it,) they are helping to sponsor and fuel the industry where it IS taking advantage of presumably non-consenting children. Also, this seems to be taking place in the UK, and I have no idea how their rules and/or terminology might be different than ours in the US.<div>
    </div><div>ETA: I don't think this is uncommon among adults... I've definitely heard of adults (I've mostly heard of it unfortunately in the case of priests, b/c that's where it gets the most publicity,) getting arrested simply for having "content" on their computer.</div>
    Anniversary
  • Yes, in the US, possession of child pornography immediately lands you on the sex offender registry.
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  • That poor child!
    WTF were his parents while he was being damaged, most likely for the rest of his life unless his parents are aware and will start psychiatric help right away!
  • This is why my daughter goes to Catholic school. This is why I make her Halloween costumes every year (have you seen what kid costumes are these days?!). This is why she isn't allowed on the computer unless it's for a specific school project, and then we look it up together. This is why my previous marriage tanked.

    I have zero affection or tolerance for the "industry", and no love for the technology that makes it far too easily accessible. But they have things like cyber-nannies for a reason: so parents can be more free about their children using that technology without the constant worry of inappropriate material being shoved in their impressionable faces. I really wish those services were used more frequently and availble for the computer phones, tablets, etc., too.
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  • The thing that annoys me is that so many kids (I'm talking elementary age!) have their own iPads and smart phones and laptops, and they just have free reign.  When I was younger, sure we all played on computers and got online and chatted on AIM and whatnot, but the computer was in the family room.  You couldn't be looking at inappropriate sites because you're brothers and sisters and parents were always looming!  Children/teens are curious and even if they're not trying to look at pornography, they might view things that aren't really appropriate.  If they know they'll got caught, though, they'll keep it clean.  Privacy + Technology + Kids = Danger!

     

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_age-13-never-been-kissed-and-a-registered-sex-offender?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:cf5392d2-44a6-426d-9eec-d413a54be65dPost:ebdb5263-850c-4f94-8891-4ed890c008e9">Re: age 13, never been kissed, and a registered sex offender...</a>:
    [QUOTE]The thing that annoys me is that so many kids (I'm talking elementary age!) have their own iPads and smart phones and laptops, and they just have free reign.  When I was younger, sure we all played on computers and got online and chatted on AIM and whatnot, but the computer was in the family room.  You couldn't be looking at inappropriate sites because you're brothers and sisters and parents were always looming!  Children/teens are curious and even if they're not trying to look at pornography, they might view things that aren't really appropriate.  If they know they'll got caught, though, they'll keep it clean.  <strong>Privacy + Technology + Kids = Danger!</strong>
    Posted by Resa77[/QUOTE]

    Amen.  This is why I agree that parents are responsible when their 13 year old kid is habitually looking at porn on the home computer.
  • I mean, I teach high school, and you would be amazed at how many of these kids' parents have no idea how to keep tabs on what their kids are doing online.
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  • I really think you have to be insane to allow your kids unfettered access to the internet. Computers in their rooms, smart phones, etc....completely crazy. We have ONE desktop computer in our house and are moving it into the kitchen soon. 
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  • You'd be surprised how many older parents don't even understand the ins and outs of technology. They barely know how to log in their email, let alone have a clue what their kids are doing. Kids should be monitored. I was raised knowing what was right or wrong. If i accidentally stumbled across a nude pop-up while browsing the internet, I'd close one eye and half-blindly try to close the window as quickly as possible. I know my brothers would do the same. I suppose maybe parents just trust their children to have good judgement. These sort of things should be an ongoing open ended discussion about what is okay to view online and what isn't. But then I wonder too, how did this kid even think to start looking up porn? 
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  • I think the article said a friend introduced it to him at a sleepover. At age ten. =(
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