Wedding Woes

How to Deal with Cold Feet

Hi all,

I'm experiencing a pretty strong bout of cold feet. It hit me a few weeks ago and I can't seem to shake it. Here's my situation:

- FI and I know each other and get along REALLY well
- We've lived together for 4 years, been together for roughly 5 years
- We have the many common interests & values
- Both of us want to have kids in the next year or two

Why is it that I feel like everything is as it should be (GREAT guy, great apartment, great families, good jobs, etc) and yet I feel like something is missing? What that 'something' is is beyond me. Before I met him I had a bit of a fear of committment. 9 months after he and I met, we moved in together...so maybe we rushed into that a bit. Am I just sabotoging myself?

The wedding is set for Sept 2013. There's SO much to plan so I feel like if I take a 'break' from planning I'll be WAY behind. 

How have you dealt with cold feet? Or how have you 'snapped' out of it? Help me ladies :-)

Re: How to Deal with Cold Feet

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_how-to-deal-with-cold-feet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:7f356957-a129-4982-902d-6f8898c656a3Post:9a0dd58c-edc7-4e7d-a1a0-fe7d58ec65e1">How to Deal with Cold Feet</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi all, I'm experiencing a pretty strong bout of cold feet. It hit me a few weeks ago and I can't seem to shake it. Here's my situation: - FI and I know each other and get along REALLY well - We've lived together for 4 years, been together for roughly 5 years - We have the many common interests & values - Both of us want to have kids in the next year or two Why is it that I feel like everything is as it should be (GREAT guy, great apartment, great families, good jobs, etc) and yet I feel like something is missing? What that 'something' is is beyond me. Before I met him I had a bit of a fear of committment. 9 months after he and I met, we moved in together...so maybe we rushed into that a bit. Am I just sabotoging myself? The wedding is set for Sept 2013. There's SO much to plan so I feel like if I take a 'break' from planning I'll be WAY behind.  <strong>How have you dealt with cold feet?</strong> Or how have you 'snapped' out of it? Help me ladies :-)
    Posted by Lilshell812[/QUOTE]

    <div>put on some socks or slippers. </div><div>
    </div><div>are you stressed out over planning a party or are you worried about the current state and future of your relationship? or is it both? It's not clear from the OP. </div>
  • Marriage counseling. Do it. And some slippers.
  • I'm worried about both (because I'm not much of a planner) but mostly about our relationship.

    He's SO good to me that I feel like it's inevitable that I'm going to screw it up. Oi.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_how-to-deal-with-cold-feet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:7f356957-a129-4982-902d-6f8898c656a3Post:14b01b02-c717-4a91-85ef-d6dad21433f9">Re: How to Deal with Cold Feet</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm worried about both (because I'm not much of a planner) but mostly about our relationship. He's SO good to me that I feel like it's inevitable that I'm going to screw it up. Oi.
    Posted by Lilshell812[/QUOTE]

    You should get into counseling.  Definitely by yourself, but also with him, as someone else suggested.

    Is he aware of your feelings?

  • Get to therapy ASAP. Find someone with CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) experience, especially if fear of commitment is a pattern in life.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_how-to-deal-with-cold-feet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:7f356957-a129-4982-902d-6f8898c656a3Post:2422eb49-4050-4600-8014-969271346a79">Re: How to Deal with Cold Feet</a>:
    [QUOTE]Marriage counseling. Do it. And some slippers.
    Posted by PMeg819[/QUOTE]

    This.  And if you don't like slippers, find some fuzzy lined socks.  My mom gave me the most amazing pair for Christmas.  :)
  • You are putting unrealistic expectations on your relationship...probably in hopes that you can then run away if you truly do have a fear of commitment.

    You are going to screw up eventually in some way.

    He is too.

    It doesn't have to be cheating, a huge OMG betrayal.  He might forget an important birthday someday.  You might screw up something you are supposed to be taking care of.

    You need some therapy.  You might also look into some pre-marital classes that talk about issues and how to have fights, etc.
  • I agree with the ladies. It sounds like you have some feelings that you need to work through. You'll feel better once you process them.
    image
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